And, you know, what with Mohamed having big ladyhair and Kat looking like a sort of androgynous Thai businessman – well, it all seems a bit too neat for us. Anyway, Mohamed and Kat got evicted from Big Brother tonight, which would be a surprise if only every single bellend on Earth hadn’t predicted it already. Oh well, not long and it’ll all be over.

But who’s going to win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Darnell to win, with help from Paddy Power…

Darnell - Let’s be quite clear about this; Darnell isn’t going to win Big Brother, and that’s a shame. He could have used that prize money for the lifetime of therapy he obviously needs. Although he started off on Big Brother nicely enough – joking around and singing and giving everyone a chance to see that albinos aren’t the child-snatching woodland monsters we all believed them to be – lately Darnell’s literally gone berserk. He’s flared up at Sara more times than we care to remember, he’s been officially warned about his unstable behaviour by Big Brother and let’s not forget that time he he smeared himself in chocolate and went on a frightening self-hate rant. In a way it’d be cool if Darnell won Big Brother – he’d easily be the least-likable winner of the show since Anthony in 2005 – but it’s not going to happen. Still, if we ever do betting odds for Big Brother housemates most likely to run through a shopping centre indiscriminately firing a machine gun, Darnell’s basically a shoo-in. Current Big Brother betting odds – 16/1

Tomorrow: Big Brother betting odds. Why, what did you expect? Unless he gets evicted tonight, in which case God knows. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

But before all that, we’ve got another Big Brother eviction to slog through tonight. And it’s a double eviction as well – the two Big Brother housemates with the least amount of votes so far are getting kicked out later on, and on a Tuesday too. The indignity!

Anyway, forget all that because who’s going to win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Kat to win, with help from Paddy Power…

Kat – Weird. For the majority of Big Brother, Kat was far and away the favourite to win. Now she’s second only to Mohamed in the unpopularity stakes – she’s even less popular than Darnell, who couldn’t be any more disliked if he froze one of his turds and then stabbed an orphan to death with it. What caused this? We assume it’s due to a kind of creeping public ennui based on Kat’s utter lack of recognisable human emotions, but it seems to have done her chances in good and proper. While we can’t quite get our head around Kat’s sudden dramatic fall from grace, rest assured that wherever she ends up coming on Big Brother, it’ll be her who releases the first piss-poor novelty disco single of this year’s lot. And it’ll be about biscuits. And it’ll be fucking dreadful. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Nothing. Current Big Brother betting odds – 33/1

Tomorrow – Big Brother betting odds for Darnell to win. Unless he gets evicted tonight, in which case God knows. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

Anyway, what’s happened on Big Brother this weekend? Nicole got evicted which is good, because it means that the most annoying woman on the television has automatically reverted back to Jeremy Kyle; and Lisa got engaged to Mario, which is bad because it meant that Mario was back on TV and we promised ourselves that we’d cut our eyes out if that ever happened again. Thank heavens for braille keyboards, eh?

So who’ll win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Mohamed, Sara, Rex and Kat, with help from Paddy Power…

Mohamed – The sheer fact alone that Mohamed is still in the Big Brother house is a stone cold testament to what a bundle of wankers the evicted Big Brother housemates were. There can’t be a person on the planet who likes Mohamed – he’s such a monumental bell-end that Rachel even managed to call him a jerk the other day. Since Rachel’s the kind of girl who’d refuse to call the sky blue in case it offended clouds, that’s really something. Surely Mohamed can’t last much longer on Big Brother – if he isn’t evicted soon his constant gluttony will cause him to swell up until his body actually absorbs the house itself. One way or another he goes. Current Big Brother betting odds – 80/1

Sara – OK, we’re officially stunned. Of the three housemates who entered Big Brother late – Belinda, Maysoon and Sara – we were convinced that Sara wouldn’t be the last one standing. Why? Because, although it’s blindingly apparent to everyone with at least one functioning sense that everyone in the Big Brother house is stupider than remedial cheese, they’re all in fact too dim to see what a massive cocktease she really is. Sara flits from boy to boy cooing about what big arms they have as nomination day approaches and none of them have twigged why yet. Maybe we’re wrong – maybe Sara really does fancy everyone – but that’s unlikely because she’s even tried it on with Darnell, and surely her self-esteem can’t be that fucked, can it? Current Big Brother betting odds – 33/1

Rex - Thank Christ Nicole has been evicted from Big Brother – watching her and Rex constantly bicker with each other was like watching an especially harrowing amateur dramatic performance of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf starring nothing but utter utter wanktards. Still, now that Rex doesn’t have to worry about his girlfriend any more, he can get back to doing what he does best in the Big Brother house – being the world’s gingerest bastard. But maybe the fact that he has a girlfriend who’s obviously a massive twonk will work in Rex’s favour. It probably won’t, though, since Rex is such a titmonkey. Current Big Brother betting odds – 12/1

Kat – Look, it’s been a while since this particular writer has done any Big Brother stuff, but we’re sure that Kat was popular last time we looked. Apparently not, though – she’s now only fifth favourite to win. For the love of God, are you seriously telling us that a one-dimensional little fat woman with a funny accent who only talks about biscuits can get boring? We’ll be blown. Or perhaps we’re wrong. Perhaps Kat did something awful when we weren’t looking. But what could be awful enough to be considered less popular than Lisa? There’s only one thing – Kat must’ve raped a vicar. It’s literally the only option. Literally. Urgh. Current Big Brother betting odds – 8/1

Tomorrow – Big Brother betting odds for Lisa, Darnell, Rachel and Mikey. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

Okay so technically she hasn’t been booted out yet, but if she doesn’t go then we won’t be happy and we’ll blame everyone in the country – nay – the world for letting us down. It has to make the most sense anyway – Nicole’s an arse, whereas Sara’s hot and Lisa’s comically insane – there’s no point in keeping the spoiled brat.

If you do want to risk some money, or make very little back from a huge bet, feel free to make your way to Paddy Power and check out their latest odds.

If Nicole doesn’t get kicked out of the Big Brother house tonight then there is no justice left in the world.

The scheming, conniving, selfish, fake blonde bitch should be drop-kicked out of there rather than be allowed to walk the steps of shame.

After joining the party on a BB whim, Nicole has bored the pants off of the public with her tears and tantrums, while letting designer boyfriend Rex walk all over her and make her look like the very wettest of blankets. Big brother betting odds – 1-100

She didn’t really want to be in there in the first place and has constantly ‘assured’ Rex – and the watching public, in actual fact – that she would do a bunk if her fella left. Unfortunately, as head of house, her fella survived this week’s nominations – so there is no double whammy to celebrate tonight.

Nicole is up against Aussie chick Sara and mummy of the house Lisa. There’s simply no competition.

Sara is a pain in the arse but at least she’s not evil. Her game has been a flirty one and while it hasn’t won her many friends inside or outside the house, it hasn’t left her tainted by the brush of hate. Big Brother betting odds 20-1

She is likely to survive the boot with Lisa, who has managed to keep out of the limelight since her comedy boyfriend Mario was chucked out by the public a month or so ago.

Apart from Lisa’s strangely obsessive hate for kindly Welsh lass Rachel, she has managed to keep her head down and glide through the nominations until now.

If she was up against anyone but Nicole she might be worried – but there is surely going to be little competition tonight. Big Brother betting odds 16-1

‘Big Brother, this is Davina, you are live in Channel 4, please do not swear. Nicole, get the fuck out!’

Mikey remains the favourite to win, with Darnell now a close second. He stood up for Kat yesterday when Rex and Mohamed wanted her to pull out of the Thriller dance routine task using her bad back as an excuse. Big Brother betting odds 11-8 (Mikey) and 11-4 (Darnell)

Darnell, Rachel and Mikey saw through Rex, while Mo backed up the tosspot. However, Mo looked like he regretted his ‘We’re going to fail the task’ outburst later, when he was in the bedroom with Kat, Rachel and Darnell.

And again later when they all passed the task. You’ll learn Mo. But it may be a bit too late by then. Big Brother betting odds 80-1

Next week: we’ll see how the tenth eviction affects things. Basically, as it’s Nicole most likely going then it’ll make things better. Rex will either walk with her or he’ll stay and become less of a twat – like he was before she was in there. Other than that, we’re gearing up for the final stretch of Big Brother 2008 – get to Paddy Power to bet on the winner!

Story By Richard Hughes

They are all nomination virgins of course, so whichever leaves, it’s going to hurt. However, there may be some relief for Nicole if she gets evicted. At least she won’t have to put up with her arsehole boyfriend Rex anymore.

Tomorrow we’ll take a look at the favourites for the chop – but today let’s have another look those still in the running for the big cash prize, as laid down by Paddy Power. Kerching!

Mikey still heads the list, no surprise there. The blind Scot, who is currently leading the ‘I Hate Rex’ campaign, has been top of the betting charts since time in memorial. Big Brother betting odds – 2-1

Darnell has jumped into second place over the last week beating off the competition from Rachel and Kat. The quirky albino American has a good chance of upsetting the odds. Big Brother betting odds – 5-2

Rachel, the smooth operator, is keeping it cool again this week and might be worth an outside punt. Her and Kat are bound to make the final week are they avoided this week’s nominations. Big Brother betting odds – 10-3

Kat, the shrieking dumpling, seems to be losing ground. Once she was a shoe-in, but now she is just an irritating, squat noise-machine. Big Brother betting odds – 6-1

Lisa, the man-women (are those tits fake or not?) is next in line – and may well make the final day if she doesn’t get the boot this Friday. Big Brother betting odds – 7-1

Rex. Oh hateful Rex. He’s possibly the vilest creature this side of the Atlantic. He’s going get a shock when he leaves the house – he probably thinks he’s an extraordinarily popular housemate but the boos will ring out like never before. It’s such as shame that, as head of house this week, he couldn’t nominated. Big Brother betting odds – 16-1

Sara is this week’s surprise nomination. And she received more votes than the other two, too. The Aussie beauty has been playing the man-game though and both Dale and Stuart were kicked out while she attempted to dig her claws in. She can’t go back to Darnell, the ideal man Rex is attached – so there’s only Mikey and Mo left… Oh dear. Big Brother betting odds – 50-1

Mohamed finally cooked his goose when he ate one of Mikey’s bogeys for a can of cider this week. Nuff said. Yuk. Big Brother betting odds – 80-1

Nicole. Just shut up. Stop crying. Dump Rex. Go home. You hateful women. Big Brother betting odds – 250-1

Tomorrow: we’ll be gearing up for yet another eviction – one that could change the makeup of the entire house. Either that or Lisa will go, which is unlikely to change anything, really. In the meantime, don’t forget to check out Paddy Power for the latest Big Brother betting odds.

Story By Richard Hughes

Stu should be climbing the steps before the night is out and here’s hoping Rex will be thoroughly confused by the whole thing.

Rachel’s tears over the dead goldfish – and Nicole’s laughter at her reaction showed them both up for what they are.

Okay, so tears over a dead goldfish do seem slightly over the top – but Nicole’s smug ’she’s crying over the goldfish’, snigger, snigger signposted the bitch for what she is.

Stuart wants to go, of course, He’ll be pleased as punch if he walks tonight. But the house will have to realise that Rachel is a real contender this time around.

So, with time slowly running out – who do Paddy Power think is still in the frame for the title this year?

Mikey looks set to win. The canny Scot is too clever to be beaten. Big Brother betting odds – 2-1

Rachel is still second, and her performance over the dead goldfish may have solidified her status and even have her pushing Mikey for Paddy Power’s top spot. Big Brother betting odds – 3-1

Third favourite Darnell is losing it slightly – and all because he go a knock back from Aussie chick Sara. It’s been fun to watch the lad suffer, then come out fighting. Big Brother Betting odds – 7-2

Kat, Kat, Kat – constantly chasing her tail. How boring after ten minutes. But she will outstay most and be there for the final day, as will Lisa. Big Brother betting odds – Kat (4-1), Lisa (8-1)

Nasty bastard Rex is fast being found out by the rest of the housemates. If he doesn’t go next week I shall be shocked to the core. Big Brother betting odds – 18-1

Stuart, it look’s like you’re off tonight, son – at least you’ll be happy. Big Brother betting odds – Stu 20-1

It will be interesting to see how Sara reacts if Stu goes tonight. She has invested a lot of time getting the hunk interested in him. Will she try to ‘use’ Darnell again as her love interest? Big Brother betting odds – Sara (25-1)

Mohamed – sorry son, you’ve got no chance. Big Brother betting odds – 40-1

Nicole – waste of space. Big Brother betting odds – 100-1

Next week: with another housemate out, how will the dynamic have been affected? And though it’s likely to be Stuart going, what will happen if the public have a change of heart and kick out Rachel? Keep your eyes on Paddy Power for the most recent updates.

Story By Richard Hughes

But she looks odds on to be wrong – and it will be beefcake Stuart who athletically tackles those steps to freedom tomorrow, finally leaving the house and getting what he wants so badly.

It’s not just the Olympics that could be worth a flutter though, and our pals at Paddy Power have all the betting odds you would ever need for Big Brother.

Olympic Stu has been itching to get out for weeks now – no doubt hoping to get his teeth into that modelling contract or TV offer bound to be on its way. Big Brother betting odds – 1-6

So Rachel will likely survive and justify her second favourite status – much to the shock of Rex, who thinks she’s a waste of space and that she will go. Big Brother betting odds – 7-2

Mikey has finally sussed bully Rex and told man-woman Lisa exactly what he thinks of the conceited peacock. It’s just a shame, Mikey, that you didn’t use your head-of-house megaphone to let everyone else know what a prick he is.

Okay, they should have been able to work it out for themselves by now – but sometimes you need a nudge from a blind guy to see the wood for the trees, don’t ya?

The bald Scot continues to annoy the rest of the housemates this week, while upping the ante in the betting stakes. He remains favourite to win the whole thing – and who would bet against that right now. Big Brother betting odds – 2-1

Rachel is still second, her strength coming from Rex’s bullying and the fact that people like Lisa think she’s playing a game when quite obviously, she’s just being nice. Big Brother betting odds – 3-1

Third favourite now, however, is Darnell, who has leapfrogged the bubbling Kat. The skinhead albino rapper, who is being pawed by Aussie flirt Sara, may be picking up the sympathy vote, while his entertainment value is higher than most, too. Fair play. Anyone else chuckle at his slouchy Neanderthal walk – or is it just me? Big Brother Betting odds – 7-2

Kat’s hissy-fits have seen her drop down the odds table – she’s still way ahead of Lisa, but that pair are almost certain to make the last day because they won’t get enough nominations in one week to be up for eviction until then. Big Brother betting odds – Kat (4-1), Lisa (8-1)

Rex must go before he becomes a dictator-like figure – surely the housemates will follow Mikey’s lead and see sense before the final week? The public have and he has been slipping down the odds for weeks now. But what if his evil scheme works? Then you could make a few quid out of the devil. Big Brother betting odds – 18-1

Stuart is still an outside bet, despite the likelihood of him walking this week – and his mate Sara, who seems intent on breaking poor Darnell’s heart and bagging herself a bit of Stu instead, isn’t out of the running either. Big Brother betting odds – Stu (20-1), Sara (25-1)

But, the rest of the field look to have cooked their goose. Mohamed and Nicole are dead housemates walking, and it’s only a matter of time before they are sent on that long walk up the stairs. At least Mo will get a decent feed then. Big Brother betting odds – Mo (40-1), Nicole (100-1).

Tomorrow: it’s eviction day – will it be the expected outcome of hunk-o-Stu giving Davina that all-important one-to-one interview, or will public opinion swing in favour of ousting Rachel because she… hmm… is a bit too nice? Either way, Paddy Power have all your betting needs.

Story By Richard Hughes

And thank you too Mikey for winding up Rex – someone had to but only the bald, blind, slightly mental Scot had the balls. Or the duck and the jug.

And, excuse me, why is everyone getting so het up about a little bit of water? For God’s sake Kat, lighten up you sad little odd-bod. You fell asleep, deal with it. Rex – you fell asleep too: DEAL WITH IT YOU IDIOT.

Rex got quite riled: “You’re starting to annoy people with your little duck and your jug,” he yelled. Well Rex, you’re starting to annoy me with your mouth and your clingy blonde.

But in the midst of all these watering downs and ill-feeling, at least we can rely on Paddy Power to keep us up to speed on the latest Big Brother betting odds.

There are some really fragile egos in that house and it comes to something when a small splash of water from a blind guy with a small yellow duck which has a tiny hole in it – which you could quite easily evade because, hey, rocket scientists: he’s blind – starts a group argument and then a Big Brother cold war.

But Stuart started to wake up a little yesterday – about time too. Up for for the chop this week, after he was disappointed not to leave last Friday when Dale was voted out, Stu began to stir things up, winding up half of the housemates while encouraging the others to get shirty.

Good on ya, that’s the Stu we want. But can he fight off the challenge of Rachel? Big Brother betting odds – 1-10

Rachel has continued to just be herself, sitting on some fences, every now and then having an opinion about something and generally confusing the housemates by being both genuine and nice. They may not trust her in the house but she’s still favourite to stay in this week’s eviction. Big Brother betting odds – 5-1

Yesterday we looked at the favourites to win, with Mikey, Rachel and Kat way out in front. There seems to be little chance according to Paddy Power that anyone else will walk away with the title this time around. But wait – don’t write off Sara just yet.

Her flirting is becoming more obvious and she is certainly playing off Darnell against Stu – and the Aussie chick is becoming more interesting. She is getting close to Darnell while wanting Stuart – her little looks told us all the story. The flirt to worry the faves? Big Brother betting odds – 25-1

Rex, BB’s big arse, is unlikely to garner enough to support to win it because, quite simply, he’s a wanker. But if you fancy a cheeky punt on the ginger whinger, then you could make a few quid if a miracle happens. Just don’t go anywhere near him with that holy duck water. Big Brother betting odds – 28-1

Then there are the ‘don’t waste your money’ duo – Nicole (yawn, bloody yawn), the blonde airhead waste-of-space, and Mo, who just doesn’t appeal to anyone, even himself I should imagine.

Nicole, as Mikey quite rightly pointed out yesterday, didn’t even audition for BB – so why should she even be in there? And Mo. Fat Mo, Lazy Mo, Tiresome Mo, Slow Mo… Go Mo. Big brother betting odds… Nicole an impossible 100-1 – Mo to go? No, then it’s 40-1 for you

Tomorrow: the eviction race… is it a race? Anyway – the eviction ‘thing’ hots up as we get towards D-Day for either Rachel or Stuart. Will the pretty boy manage to pull something out of the bag, or will the fact that the public actually like Rachel make it impossible for him to stay? Check with Paddy Power for regular updates on each housemates’ odds.

Story By Richard Hughes.

Last week he couldn’t really be bothered – but then Dale was easy meat, it was obvious he was going from the word go.

But Rachel is a completely different opponent. She is likely to raise her game while Stuart struggles to find his.

See if Stuart can raise his game, or if the bookies think Rachel is too far ahead in public opinion by checking Paddy Power.

Rachel, bullied by Rex for the last month, will get the public’s sympathy vote. She has been battered and bruised by a succession of barbed comments which have been flung in her direction by the callous chef.

So, though Stuart is likely to get his support from his teeny fans, Rachel may have a chance of saving her Big Brother skin by playing on her sympathy vote this week.

Amazing, despite her nomination, Rachel is still second favourite with Paddy Power to win the whole thing. Big Brother betting odds – 3-1

Still out front to win is Mikey – the new bald Mikey who managed to burst that Kat bubble yesterday, upsetting her and making her cry. Ah, shame… Big Brother betting odds – 2-1

Cookie monster Kat, of course, remains third favourite to win, but her tears won’t have helped. The sympathy thing won’t work for her like it does for Rachel. Big Brother betting odds – 7-2

The Bald Eagle, American Darnell, is still in the race though, with his on-off love thing with Sara keeping his story interesting. And he gave Kat the benefit of his wise words yesterday, when the tears started flowing. Big Brother betting odds – 4-1

Lisa, keeping mum, is continuing her games of stealth – she’ll be there in the final week – Big Brother betting odds – 12/1

The rest of the housemates are all outside bets, with nothing short of a miracle likely to help any of them win the competition.

Stuart to go then, with Rachel stronger than they all believe in that house. Imagine Rex’s face when Stu’s name is called up… the chef will be cooking up a storm then!

Tomorrow: will Stuart have altered his game plan accordingly? Will his odds look favourable at all, or is he consigned to Big Brother history? And will anyone in the house realise how much everyone outside actually likes Rachel? Who knows. Paddy Power are good at guessing, though.

Story By RIchard Hughes.

They have yawned their way through the week only getting animated when nature called, yet it does seem slightly unreal that next week there will be no Dale – or, as an outside bet, no Stuart.

But with the odds changing regularly, who are we to say that Stu will remain an outside bet? To be perfectly sure, you’d have to check Paddy Power. But, to be honest, Stu will most likely remain an outside bet.

Dale has been there since day one and despite his yawn… yawn… lack of drive this week, he had been central to the show previously. This was especially true during his love-games with single mum Jen, who got booted out sharpish on Stuart’s arrival.

Now he’s wasted what is probably going to be his final week keeping the sofas warm and occasionally summoning up the energy to actually talk. Big Brother betting odds 1-25

Stuart was introduced to the show some time after it began, cruising into the BB compound on a bike to steal the girls’ hearts and crushing Dale’s hopes of being the beefiest hunk in there. Though in the end there were no stolen hearts.

One of the hunks must go – and Paddy Power reckon it’s Dale, seeing as Stu’s odds look a bit like this: Big Brother betting odds – 8-1.

So, who to win? If Dale goes, there will be ten housemates left. And here is our quick-glance guide on how they are likely to fair.

Darnell, currently in with a bloody good shout, may have upped his chances with his Sara antics. Big Brother betting odds ­- 7-2.

Mikey, the public’s favourite, may blindly walk away with title number nine. Big Brother betting odds 9-4.

Kat, despite being shrill and amazingly annoying, she does seem to have the public behind her. Big Brother betting odds – 10-3.

Rex, who has treated his girlfriend Nicole to his more distasteful traits since her late arrival in the house, may have cooked his goose with the fans. Big Brother betting odds – 12-1.

Rachel, the target of Rex’s bullying, got a lovely message from mum this week and cried… Bless! Big Brother betting odds – 5-1.

Lisa, mummy of the house, will make the final day before leaving first. Big Brother betting odds – 14-1.

Mo, the afro kid with the big belly has chomped his way through this BB. Will go before the final day. Big Brother betting odds – 40-1.

Sara, the Aussie target of Darnell’s affections, may be an outside bet for the title. Especially if the flirtation with D continues. Big Brother betting odds – 20-1.

Nicole… yawn… did you put her in just to wind Rex up, BB? Big Brother betting odds – 66-1.

Put them all up next Friday BB, let’s get rid of some more dead wood. Don’t forget that the odds are likely to have taken a big hit after tonight’s eviction and the weekend’s antics could change everything a great deal more – check with Paddy Power to see where things are headed.

Story By Richard Hughes

To be honest, we couldn’t give a toss here which one goes – both of them are boring the pants off us. Watching sulky Stuart lounge about and yawn every now and again is about as interesting as picking at the fluff on a jumper, while Dale’s spontaneous bursts of laughter are about as interesting as a sponge floating on top of the washing-up water.

Even so, these boring idiots can be put to good use by making you some money at Paddy Power, with the latest Big Brother eviction odds.

Dale – The other day Dale found Mikey stuffing a pig’s trotter down his trousers to form a camel toe the funniest thing ever. No Dale, it wasn’t the funniest thing ever, and you rolling around on the sofa repeating the phrase ‘camel toe’ like a child chanting: ‘He said poo! He said poo!’ over and over again just made us feel slightly sad, even embarrassed for you. Big Brother betting odds – 1-14

Stuart – How did Stuart get away with voting tactically? Can someone tell us this? Since when have housemates been able to vote for their friends so that they aren’t risking their up-for-nomination-status? Never, at least as far as we can recall. His ‘valid reasons’ didn’t actually have the vital ‘valid’ aspect to them.

If he had been forced to give proper reasons, maybe he would have had to become nasty Stu to get nominated. Hinting all week for people to vote for him, then he wanders into the diary room and twists Big Brother around his little finger. Next thing you know, he’s up for nomination without hurting anyone’s feelings. The boring twit. Big Brother betting odds – 13-2

This has to bee the worst week for nominations so far. The housemates from hell failed a task they were never likely to pass and therefore lost their right to nominate, while Rex’s sultry squeeze – annoying airhead Nicole – was never even allowed to take part.

And talking of Nicole, how boring is she? Like a sloth at a slumber party, she’s making one hell of an impression.

While we’re waiting for the worst eviction ever to be over with, let’s take a look at the two top runners to win this year’s competition.

Mikey – The young Scot managed the comedy moment of the week by pouring mushed-up Brussels over his head after aborting the sprout-eating task, which only he made a fist of, remains the favourite to win the show. Big Brother betting odds – 11-4.

Kat – Oh she of the annoying squeaky voice is still second favourite. Big Brother betting odds – 3-1.

Tomorrow: we get to see if Stu and Dale have affected their chances of being booted out of the house when we look at more eviction odds! But in the meantime you can keep an eye on affairs over at Paddy Power.

Story by Richard Hughes.

Luke was an early favourite when the show began, but he slowly became a hate figure for the viewers and once his ‘lady’, Becky, was kicked out, it was inevitable he would follow.

So who’s going to win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother odds for Mikey, Kat, Darnell, Rex and Nicole, with help from Paddy Power…

Mikey: Well, he perhaps gets the sympathy vote here. Call it blind faith. People seem to have forgotten his God-awful, at times offensive, comedy routine – and his pepper spray sniping. At 11-4, Mikey maybe a good bet, but there is no cast-iron favourite here. The field is reasonably open. Big Brother betting odds – 11-4.

Kat: The annoying Teletubby is second favourite. ‘I want to be a mummy,’ she told Rachel this week. I pity that child then – having to grow up listing to that shrill noise all day long. You can back her at 3-1. Though why would you want to. Big Brother Betting odds – 3-1.

Darnell: He’s playing a decent game. He knows the balance between good and evil. He knows just how far he can push things without losing credibility. He can be a complete cock one minute and an albino angel the next. Clever, clever boy. Slap your cash on him at 10-3. You could spend it on worse. Big Brother betting odds – 10-3.

Rex: Surprisingly still a 4-1 punt. The shit-stirrer. His constant bullying of Rachel makes him feel the big man he wishes he was – a point made well by Lisa this week when she finally got fed up with the tosser. Put your money on the gastro-git at your peril. Big Brother Betting odds – 4-1.

Nicole: And now we have to put up with Rex’s ‘bird’, too. Oh joy. And isn’t she a bundle of laughs? She’s more annoying than Kat already – and didn’t Rex look so pleased to see her? He was little a stranded cat on a motorway as she burst out of the storeroom and bounded towards him like a juggernaut. Big Brother Betting odds – 33-1.

Lisa: She still has a chance. Surely she is the first person in Big Brother history to have walked out – only to have been let back in again. Big Brother Betting odds- 14-1.

Tomorrow: Big Brother betting odds for Dale, Stuart, Sara, Rachel and Mohamed. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

Story by Richard Hughes.

Maysoon left the Big Brother house in her trademark style – it was boring and quiet and nobody really cared about it one way or the other – but that leaves eight housemates up for eviction. Why so many? Because the Big Brother housemates were caught discussing nominations in just about the most gormless way possible – by referring to each other in football terms. Darnell was Arsenal, Luke was Wigan, Kat was, we dunno, late-period Maradona or something. We won’t pretend we’re experts.

As yet, Paddy Power hasn’t listed this week’s Big Brother eviction odds, so instead we’re going to give you the Big Brother betting odds to win for nominated housemates Kat, Darnell and Mohamed instead and you can work backwards from there…

Kat - Kat’s favourite to win Big Brother at the moment, but she’s untested with the public. Since we literally live in an ivory tower in the middle of an exclusive off-shore gated community, we’re certain that Kat will be evicted from Big Brother tomorrow because of the public’s deep-seated unease with fat foreigners who like biscuits. Mark these words. Or don’t. It’s no big deal. Current Big Brother betting odds – 11/4

Darnell – Darnell survived a Big Brother eviction last week, so he obviously has fans. Well, not fans per se, rather a group of people who thought that Rebecca was slightly more of a knob than him. Anyway, now that he’s relinquished the mantle of Big Brother house-head, Darnell’s reverted from power-crazed weirdo to plain old worryingly paranoid crackpot. He’ll be fine. Current Big Brother betting odds – 7/2

Mohamed – Given how aggressively triumphant Mohamed was last Friday when he wasn’t evicted from the Big Brother house, we think that he’s due a hefty dose of karma. That could mean that he gets evicted from Big Brother tomorrow night, or it could mean that he doesn’t get evicted but one of his eyeballs is pierced by a bird’s beak at some point in the next couple of weeks. Either one’s fine. Current Big Brother betting odds – 80/1

Tomorrow: Big Brother eviction odds for Luke, Dale, Rachel, Rex and Stuart. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

Although the Big Brother eviction was just meant to be between Dale and Luke, a bunch of other housemates decided to discuss nominations in the form of hopeless football metaphors that even a child could decode. So that means that Dale, Luke, Darnell, Kat, Maysoon, Mohamed, Rachael, Rex and Stuart are all up for Big Brother eviction this week. We’ll be discussing that tomorrow, you lucky dogs.

But today, who’s going to win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Dale, Darnell, Luke and Kat, with help from Paddy Power…

Dale – Although his tenure as head of the Big Brother house was almost totally worthless, it did manage to change Dale’s personality completely. Prior to that, Dale was stuck in a silently lovesick fug over Horrible Jen, but now he actually speaks! Granted, about 85% of everything that Dale ever says is “Fookinell, this is so shit,” but it’s a start. A couple more weeks of this progress and Dale might even be onto fully comprehensible sentences. That’ll be the real test of his mettle, given that the majority of his brainspace is currently used to think nice things about his own hair. Throw ‘coherent speech’ into the mix and he might have an aneurysm. Current Big Brother betting odds – 6/1

Darnell – Never have we ever wanted anyone to fail at anything more than Darnell at Big Brother. It’s not that we dislike him as such – in a social situation, he’d probably last a tiny bit longer than most Big Brother housemates before we lost our shit and tried to strangle him – but he’s taking Big Brother so seriously that it’d be incredible fun to see him chewed up and spat out by the public. The man wants to win so much it’s obscene – his sulky reaction to the news of his nomination last week, followed by the paranoid reflections on his position in the house and gauchely triumphant crowing after he won are testament to that. So let’s get Darnell out now, partly for a laugh and partly so that dreadful Cookie Love song never ever gets played on the radio. Ever. You know we’re right. Current Big Brother betting odds – 11/2

Luke – The sight of Rebecca snogging Mohamed, although it resembled a scene from the forthcoming remake of Species starring only heinously ugly people, will be remembered as one of the most profoundly important moments in Luke’s life. If we’re right about this, it’ll be thought of as the moment when Luke won Big Brother. The look of gut-wrenching misery that flashed across his eyes as Rebecca lunged at Mohamed’s mouth caused a million hearts to break at once up and down the country. And then when Luke said that he felt sick… well, in retrospect that probably had more to do with all the raw eggs he’d been forced to eat, but it still sounded good, didn’t it? That’s why, despite the odds, we’re guessing that Luke will emerge as the winner of this year’s Big Brother. We might be wrong of course – Luke is still is useless twat who annoys the shit out of us, after all. Current Big Brother betting odds – 11/4

Kat – OK, OK, we get it. Kat’s the favourite to win Big Brother. We really wish she wasn’t – with such a tiny amount of development going on inside her cookie-obsessed, perfectly spherical brain, we’ve completely run out of things to say about her. This week Kat ate an egg that tasted bad. Woo! Kat to win and etc. Current Big Brother betting odds – 2/1

Tomorrow: Big Brother eviction betting odds! But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

Why? Don’t you see? It means that hardly anyone got to see Belinda! And the fewer people who are aware of Belinda, the less chance we have of ever hearing from her again! It’s not quite the humane abattoir-style stun-gun and throat-slit dispatch we’d envisioned, but it’s close enough.

Anyway, we’ll get to Darnell, Mohamed and Rebecca tomorrow – because they’re all up for eviction this week – but for now, who’ll win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Dale, Darnell, Luke and Kat, with help from Paddy Power…

Dale – Jennifer has been out of the Big Brother house for long enough to simultaneously whap her norks out like a slapper in Nuts magazine and tell the world that she doesn’t fancy Dale in the slightest, but that doesn’t mean that Dale has forgotten about her. On the three occasions that Dale has actually spoken this month, two of them have been lovelorn Jen-centric sighs. It makes us want to evict Dale from Big Brother immediately, to be honest, because we enjoy seeing pretty boys have their hearts trampled into mush on live TV. The one other time that Dale spoke, by the way, was when he decided to become head of the Big Brother house. And hasn’t that worked out swimmingly? Current Big Brother betting odds – 5/1

Darnell – They say that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely, but it turns out that a desultory amount of obviously token power can turn you into a full-on wanker as well, as proved last week when Darnell became head of the Big Brother house. Swept in on the power of an unnervingly sincere campaign speech, Darnell absolutely fell to shit within moments of being appointed. The casual misogyny was almost immediate, ordering people to cook him dinner and then refusing to eat it came soon after, and the Gollum-style tantrum he threw when the power was taken away from him was astounding. Frankly, we’re starting to feel that Darnell would turn into a brutal megalomaniac if you gave him control of a watering can, so let’s all agree never to let him win Big Brother. Deal? Current Big Brother betting odds – 5/1

Luke – We’re still utterly incapable of working out why Luke is riding so high in these Big Brother betting odds. Is it because he’s the underdog? Because he’s got a funny-looking girlfriend? Because he speaks with the patter of a deeply untrustworthy used car dealer? If any of you actually like Luke, please leave a comment explaining why. We’re stumped. All we can see is a scrawny little bugger who won’t stop complaining about every little thing that happens to him and seems so depressed that he occasionally has to kiss a fat girl in the same way a self-harmer might slash away at their arms to give themselves something worse to feel. Honestly, we think we need your input here. Badly. Current Big Brother betting odds – 3/1

Kat – If you’ve been reading these Big Brother betting odds for the last couple of weeks then you’ll have noticed that we’ve been starting to get a little bit bored of Kat. But don’t worry, because we’ve reversed our decision – a couple of days ago we realised that Kat doesn’t actually have any joints in her arms or legs and we laughed for about seven hours solid about it. And Kat cried a lot because she ate a secret banana. So, yes, Kat to win Big Brother again please. It might sound like we’re being dangerously fickle, but it probably says a lot about this year’s Big Brother that a fat stiff-limbed foreigner eating a banana stands out as a feelgood moment of the series. Current Big Brother betting odds – 15/8

Tomorrow: Big Brother betting odds for Friday’s eviction. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.