HecklerSpray

Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy

The Apprentice Review: The Final Indignity

August 5th, 2012 By Jacki Evans

Last night was the Apprentice final. The week where we get to finally find out who wins, and what they're going to do with Lord Sugar?s money! But really, who cared who won? MARGARET WAS BACK. Everybody loves Margaret. Except maybe the Apprentice candidates, who had to face her wrath in their interviews.

It wasn?t just Margaret doing the interviewing though. No, Lord Sugar had brought in a team of four scary-looking people who were out to make the candidates cry, and scream, and maybe piss themselves. And so, we got to find out their rubbish business plans. And more importantly, their massive flaws. Because let's be honest, they're bound to be more crap than good.

Susan wanted to expand her existing business and make everyone pretty. Unfortunately though, she's both a tax-dodger and a bit of an idiot. She had no idea what it takes to actually set up a company, or to get her products tested, or even that you're meant to pay tax and national insurance, but she'd read about it on the internet. Apparently this means She'll make ?1m profit in her first year. Nobody seemed convinced, but her confidence remained unaffected.

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The Apprentice: Melody Takes Over the World

August 5th, 2012 By Jacki Evans

Last night The Apprentice dabbled in poor Franglais and mildly racist yet entirely subconscious accents. Yes, Lord Sugar sent his minions to Paris to sell their crap to the French. He wants international business people, you see, as you?can't take over the world if your company?s only in the UK.

Unfortunately for everyone else, Melody was the only one who could actually speak French, setting in motion her plan for world domination. She's like The Brain, but with better eyeliner. And Leon was her (slightly more attractive) Pinky.

Before Melody could get cracking with taking over everything though, Lord Sugar needed to rejig the teams. Helen got booted over to Venture, where Susan put herself forward for project manager, despite seemingly having no idea what France even is. That was OK though, because she got to play with fun little products, like the kiddy?s chair and the kiddy backpack. She clearly missed it when Lord Sugar told her to act like a ?Big Person? at the end of last week.

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