Karly - HecklerSpray

Big Brother: Dear God, There’s More Of Them

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Friday’s Big Brother was a rollercoaster – specifically a new type of rollercoaster that goes on forever and is comprised of all lows and no highs.

If you missed it, here’s what happened – first, five new housemates were brought in to liven things up, including Karly‘s boyfriend. And then Karly was evicted about 30 seconds later. And then the new housemates were told they had to try and get two other housemates nominated or else they’d all be up for eviction. Or something. By that point Big Brother had been for for about seven hours and we were losing the will to live, frankly.

Anyway, let’s meet the new Big Brother housemates…

Big Brother: What? Halfwit’s Not Up For Eviction? WHAT?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

We’re confused. Scared and confused. Scared and confused and incontinent. And it’s all Big Brother‘s fault. Sods.

Why? What did Big Brother do? It didn’t nominate Halfwit for eviction this week. Don’t these idiots understand how Big Brother works? Nothing ever happens and then Halfwit gets nominated for eviction. THAT’S HOW BIG BROTHER WORKS, IDIOTS!

But this week, oh no. The Big Brother housemates have realised that a bucket of plague couldn’t shift Halfwit from the house, which is why Shiavash, Dogface, Noirin and Karly are up for eviction instead. So let’s have a bloody look at them, then…

Big Brother: Cairon Gone, Several Other Dipsticks Sadly Remain

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

On Friday, Big Brother said goodbye to Cairon. Farewell Cairon, we barely knew ye.

Which is just as well, really, because you seemed like a massive turd. But good luck with the rest of your life. And good luck with that whole ‘pretending to be American’ thing. We’re sure you’ll end up being at least partially convincing at it one day. But with Cairon gone, what else has been going on in the Big Brother house?

We’re not completely sure, but here’s what we think of Marcus, Angel, Karly and Siavash anyway…

Big Brother: Beinazir Gone, Whoever Beinazir Is

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Big Brother started on Thursday night, right? Wrong.

In actually fact, if you want to be bewilderingly petty about it, Big Brother only started last night. Because last night, the final housemates were given official housemate status. True, that meant saying goodbye to Beinazir, but we’re sure she’ll go on to have a bright future. Those Subway signs don’t hold themselves up, you know.

So now we know who the final Big Brother housemates are, the ‘fun’ starts here. Let’s take a look at the Big Brother housemates who’ve caught our eye so far…

Big Brother: This Year’s Collection Of Awful Wazzocks

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

First the facts. This is Big Brother’s tenth anniversary, and the fifth anniversary of us writing about it. We don’t know which is worse.

Nevertheless, the new series of Big Brother kicked off last night, which means that from now until let’s say the end of actual time itself, we’re going to have to watch hour after of hour of preening turdbaskets discussing nothing using a subnormal vocabulary. And we’ll be with you every ghastly step of the way.

But first we should probably introduce ourselves to the newest batch of Big Brother housemates, shouldn’t we? Fair enough, then…