This year’s American Idol was amazing for one solitary reason – we’re looking at you, Kara DioGuardi!

That’s right. It wasn’t down to Adam Lambert‘s uncompromising talent, nor was it because show kick-started a giant about sexuality. It was because of Kara DioGuardi and the way she just sort of sat around not really doing anything for vast tracts of time.

So clearly when Kara DioGuardi decided to get married, we knew the wedding would be infused with this same rock and roll spirit. And it was, if quietly marrying a contractor before hardly anybody counts as rock and roll now.

Kara DioGuardi has, let’s face it, had a hell of a year. Nobody even knew who she was at the start of the year, but American Idol has changed all that – now the whole world knows that Kara DioGuardi is the woman who isn’t as entertaining as Simon Cowell or as gregarious as Randy Jackson or as flat-out berserk as Paula Abdul and doesn’t really do a lot except upset the perfectly good three-judge dynamic for no good reason whatsoever.

In short, Kara DioGuardi has hit the bigtime.

And it’s because of this that Kara DioGuardi’s contractor boyfriend Mike McCuddy realised that he’d be legally entitled to half of her American Idol earnings if he married her. No, that’s not right. We meant that he realised how much he loved her. No, that’s not right either. The first one. The first one’s right. Oh, look, Kara DioGuardi married her boyfriend on Sunday, that’s the point. AP reports:

Kara DioGuardi had a busy Fourth of July weekend: The “American Idol” judge married her beau, contractor Mike McCuddy. DioGuardi’s publicist, Danica Smith, says the couple tied the knot on Sunday in Prospect Harbor, Maine. Smith says 30 guests witnessed the ceremony at the Prospect Harbor United Methodist Church.

And that’s literally all we know about this mysterious Kara DioGuardi wedding. Did any of Kara’s fellow American Idol judges attend the ceremony? Unlikely – Kara’s already fallen out with both Paula and Simon, and Randy can’t go to weddings because of his compulsion to shriek either the word “DOG!” or “HOLLYWOOD!” during the bit where you’re supposed to say why the couple shouldn’t get married.

Did noted songwriter Kara DioGuardi compose the music that was played during the ceremony? Again, unlikely – if the American Idol winner’s single was any indication of her songwriting ability, then it would have meant that she’d have to walk up the aisle to a piece of music which sounded like every Gillette advert ever played at once, on the bagpipes, by an army of crying pensioners with shattered ribcages. And nobody wants that at their wedding, do they?

Are we only writing about Kara DioGuardi’s wedding because it’s just about the only thing we can find that hasn’t got anything to do with Michael Jackson today? Well, yes, obviously. Duh.

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