Seriously, when will you people learn? It’s rule number one when it comes to organising awards shows, but you always ignore it.

Never invite Kanye West. That’s it. It’s a fundamental awards show rule. Invite Kanye West and he’ll invariably end up losing an award he assumed he’d win, shrieking indignantly about it for 30 minutes and then pooing in his pants on purpose while refusing to break eye contact with the camera. It always happens. Never invite Kanye West.

Just ask Taylor Swift, whose MTV VMA acceptance speech Kanye West obliterated last night because he thought she wasn’t very good.