The first is cool; the second is just a plain old fool.

Folded:

• Take the personality test! (are you extraverted, introverted, insane? Find out here! Takes a while to do though – oh, and at least one of us turned up with the same Jung personality as Abraham Lincoln)

• Barry Norman Pickled Onions (yep, that’s right, the Barry Norman. They taste quite nice)

• The Long Walk To Finchley (regardless of your opinions on Margaret Thatcher, this one-off comedy/drama plays as the epitome of what BBC4 do best: light political fluff)

• Lee McQueen (seems like, for once, any old Alan has picked the right candidate; apparently he’s putting Lee to work on the London Underground somewhere)

• Hulk squish (not smash. Norton’s fine though)

Creased:

• CGI (why is it seldom as good as filmmakers think it is?)

• When those factory bods accidentally put smooth Tropicana in the juicy bits Tropicana carton (doesn’t ruin your day, but certainly gets the morning off to a rough start)

• No more The Apprentice (in 2005 it started off worse than Dragons Den and then swiftly became the only reality show worth watching. Big Brother then, everyone? Hmm? No)

• Gone Baby Gone (far and away not a bad movie, but Mr Ben Affleck needs to find his own voice and not Clint Eastwood’s if he wants to succeed as a credible director)

• Jumper on DVD (even with some mildy interesting deleted scenes, you’d still be better off eating your money rather than spending it on this)

Ah, Valentine's Day weekend. What could be more romantic than dragging your girlfriend to see a hokey sci-fi movie on the off-chance that you'll get to see Rachel Bilson in her bra.

You guessed it – Jumper is the top movie at the weekend box office.

Jumper, you'll remember, is the film where Hayden Christensen can jump through space in an instant. We're looking forward to when he learns to jump through time, because maybe we can convince him to undo the Star Wars prequels. And Factory Girl. And Awake. And maybe, if we're lucky, the moment he decided to be an actor instead of a Superdrug shelf-stacker.

Jumper – this week's number one US weekend box office movie – has all the ingredients of a summer blockbuster. Special effects, flash-bang trailers, Rachel Bilson in a bra – these are all indicators that Jumper should have been released when the kids are on school holiday. But it's been released in February instead. Why is that?

Because Jumper looks shit, obviously. But let's not run its achievements down – Jumper is still top of the weekend box office. And that's something to be proud of, especially when a trailer featuring the phrase 'From the director of Mr & Mrs Smith' should have cinemagoers clattering into each other in a race to get to the exit. Here's this week's US weekend box office top five:

1 - Jumper (Now the debate can begin – would Jumper be any better if Eminem had starred in it? We'd like to think it would and, if fortune smiled on the production, it may have even been a tenth as good as Snoop Dogg's Hood Of Horror) $27,225,000

2 - Step Up 2 The Streets (Do you like movies about dancing? About young people battling to express themselves? With numbers in the title where words should be? No, us neither. Something tells us we should all avoid this one, then) $19,666,000

3 - The Spiderwick Chronicles (Jumanji, basically. But without Robin Williams. So better) $19,080,000

4 - Fool's Gold (Fool's Gold lost almost 40% of its audience in a week, meaning that perhaps braindead romantic comedies about two unlikable people with zero chemistry aren't the box office juggernauts that everyone expected) $13,080,000

5 - Definitely, Maybe (Fools Gold? Definitely, Maybe? What's with all these romantic comedies taking their names from 1990s British guitar bands? We swear to God, if Hugh Grant pops up in the next few months with a film inspired by the artistic merit of Shed Seven, we're going to throw ourselves off a bridge) $12,804,000

Read more:

Weekend Box Office – Box Office Mojo 

You've probably seen trailers for Jumper – the new dimension-leaping movie starring Darth Vader and Billy Elliot – and you've probably decided not to go and see it because it looks hopeless.

But ask yourself this: would you have gone to see Jumper if the Hayden Christensen role was played by Eminem?

No. No you probably wouldn't. But that didn't stop Eminem from having discussions with director Doug Liman about starring as the lead in Jumper in the preproduction stages. Although it's impossible to tell what Jumper would have been like if it had Eminem in it, we're guessing that it probably would have been reset in Detroit and been about a plucky wannabe rapper instead of Darth Vader driving buses through a desert.

You may have wondered what Eminem has been doing these last few years, apart from eating all the pies and nearly dying of pneumonia, but the secret is finally out.

Eminem has been busy not quite starring in a bunch of rubbish-looking films.

The proof is there for all to see – first Eminem was linked to a remake of Have Gun Will Travel that thankfully didn't get made, and then just the other week there was talk of Eminem almost making a Grand Theft Auto movie. But if the thought of those haven't sent you quivering into a corner, it turns out that Eminem almost starred in new movie Jumper.

Oh, you know. Jumper. The movie that'll probably scrape a weekend box office number one spot in a couple of days because it's a pre-Oscar movie that isn't about the war in Iraq or one woman's soul-searching quest to find her identity in preindustrial-era Stuttgart. The movie where Samuel L Jackson leaps through time after a bus-driving Billy Elliot. The movie that looks about as appealing as two hours spent thwacking bamboo rods under your fingernails with a hammer.

Anyway, yeah. Eminem was almost going to be in that, as MTV reports:

"We did have a meeting," writer/director Doug Liman confirmed this week, confessing that surly hip-hop superstar Marshall Mathers was once in talks for the starring role. "We did have conversations with Eminem." When the director considered [Hayden] Christensen more seriously, however, the Eminem flirtation vanished as quickly as David Rice jumping between Egypt and New York. "At that point, I had already met Hayden and had fallen in love with Hayden," he recalled. "It was one of those things where the studio, with all things being equal, would rather put a bigger name in the movie [and wanted Eminem]. At some point, I just put my foot down and said, 'I love Hayden.'"

Weird. We didn't think that Hayden Christensen had it in him to inspire love in others. Or anything other than a vague sense of irritation, come to think of it.

It's odd that Doug Liman is selling Jumper on the basis that it almost starred someone but didn't. Perhaps – and this is just a theory – Liman has read some of the early stinging Jumper reviews and opted to take the tactic of saying "If you think Jumper's bad now, just imagine how useless it'd be if Eminem was in it!" just to try and get people to say one positive thing about it.

And as for Eminem, only time will tell what other movies he didn't get round to making. Although we do hear that he was up for Keira Knightley's role in Atonement, but just lost out because he looked a bit silly in a damp nightie.

Read more:

Eminem Almost Had Hayden Christensen's Role In 'Jumper' - MTV