The Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce is all over, with Paul McCartney £24.3 million poorer and Heather Mill's £24.3 million more obnoxiously smug.

The judge in the Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce this afternoon revealed his judgement, and Heather Mills immediately ran to the nearest group of microphones to explain exactly how she felt.

We've got video of Heather Mills' speech after the jump, but rest assured she's as contradictory, self-congratulatory, bitter and confusing as you'd expect her to be. True, Heather Mills didn't start screeching the word 'Paedophile!' over and over in the voice of an angry mouse – the first time she hasn't done this in front of a camera for about 18 months – but it was a decent performance nonetheless.

As we all knew, today was the day where the judge in the Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce made his final ruling. Although speculation had previously pegged Heather Mills as receiving £117 million, the final figure was a still pretty huge £24.3 million. And here's what Heather Mills had to say about it…

OK, firstly – well done on getting the "charity has been my life for 20 years" line in, even though "charity, titty-modelling and marrying old millionaires," is closer to the truth. Secondly – something smells fishy here.

Given that Heather Mills' accusations of assault apparently had Paul McCartney demanding all kinds of divorce settlement confidentiality agreements, you'd think that he'd be against the judge releasing his judgement into the public. But the opposite is apparently true – Paul McCartney is reported to be desperate for the world to hear the judgement.

And then there's Heather Mills, who has hardly made a secret of her desire to write a tell-all book and give lots of lucrative interviews about the break-up of her marriage, and she's now appealing against the release of the judgement because she's ostensibly worried about the safety of her daughter. 

Now, Heather's speech made out like her decision to represent herself in the divorce court was such a blow to the pillars of justice that the judgement would be written in a way to make Paul McCartney look like the winner. So, adding all of this up, does anyone else think the judgement is basically the phrase 'Heather Mills is batshit insane' repeated 100 times in a row? Just us? OK.

But anyway, at least the Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce is all done and dusted now. Paul McCartney can go back to being the disturbing swordsman that he's slowly turned into and Heather Mills can emigrate to a country where everyone doesn't hate her. Maybe Paul and Heather can put their bitterness behind them and become friends again. People reports:

A provision for daughter Beatrice consisting of periodical $70,000 payments was included, and McCartney has agreed to pay for her nanny and school fees. Of the provision, Mills said, "Beatrice only gets $70,000 a year so she is obviously meant to travel B class while her father travels A class. But obviously I will pay for that."

Alright, so maybe not 'friends' exactly…

Read more:

Heather Mills 'So Happy' with $50M Divorce Settlement – People