Judd Apatow has delighted no-one at all with the recent announcement that he was working on an unwanted new Pee-Wee film with Paul Reubens.

This is despite the fact that not a single soul on earth will admit to having any knowledge of the first two, and has in actually made a lot of people feel quite awkward.

We don’t mean the poor cops who had to arrest Reubens for tugging himself off like a little monkey in that cinema (to this day we don’t want to know what the Feature Presentation was) although they can’t be happy at the memory.

No, we mean the remaining six people in the universe who actually thought the man was briefly entertaining and/or amusing before he got busted for possibly the crappest celebrity crime ever committed and effectively ending his career.

Although there can’t have been too much mileage left in portraying a character so teeth-clenchingly irritating you just wanted to repeatedly punch yourself in the face just to take your mind off the annoying voice and fake ‘winsome’ smile.

Reports that Reubens was the inspiration for recent ‘wanking themselves to death’ celebrity tragedies are unsubstantiated.

Apatow has announced his intention of developing a new film in which a man far older than he appears acts inappropriately – not by furiously masturbating in the dark surrounded by strangers – but by dressing in a bad suit and talking in a funny voice whilst performing some piss-poor physical comedy.

Rowan Atkinson was unavailable for comment, but it is thought that he was so outraged by the pathetic nature of the sphincter-tighteningly unamusing cretin that he had to go and invent Mr. Bean just to show everyone that when it comes to being absolutely rubbish, the British are world-class.

Although unconfirmed, we are fairly sure that Rowan Atkinson has never tossed himself off in a cinema.

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Some people are just never happy now, are they? Especially when they’re called Katherine Heigl, it would seem.

For she who whines about everything in the world ever has seen fit to now whine about the thing that probably affects her worst of all. Yes, Katherine Heigl is complaining about Katherine Heigl.

Not in the same way hecklerspray has complained though, oh no – Katherine doesn’t like how she seems to have forgotten her religion, and she feels that she should be paying more attention to her spiritual side as a result.

If paying attention to the Mormon belief system she was raised with means that she might actually shut up for once, then we’re all for it. Maybe she’ll learn to stop whining too? It does seem to be something that only a god could accomplish, after all.

While we wait for the results of Katherine Heigl‘s spiritual re-awakening though, we still have to put up with her incessant complaints. At least with this most recent bout being about herself we can actually agree with her – it’s not like the frighteningly snotty comments she made about Grey’s Anatomy now, is it? Nor is it like the time when she nearly killed off her chances of starring in every Judd Apatow film ever made ever.

No – this is the kind of complaint that hecklerspray enjoys listening to. We do wish Katty had been a bit more critical of herself, and not just highlighted the fact that she’d fallen away from her religion over the years. Maybe if she’d referred to herself as ‘a stupid, sour-faced, whining bitch’ or ‘absolutely not the kind of girl any man with a brain would want to go out with, contrary to apparent popular belief’.

Instead she just went with these words – talking to anyone who would listen, Heigl whined:

“I’m not as disciplined about it as I once was, but I hope to find my way back as I get older and a little less selfish.”

She went on, even though there were probably very few people listening by this point:

“If I start going back to church I’d have to stop the smoking and drinking, and I wouldn’t be able to curse any more. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve got very lazy about it all.”

Maybe she’s saving those particularly strong gripes for her next outburst. Hopefully then she’ll ‘go a bit Britney’ and start trying to eat a car or something out of sheer rage for the world around her, vomiting out blood in a ferocious pattern of bitch-induced hatred. Or maybe she’ll just complain that the next film she’s in made her look too happy.

We can hope for the former, though the latter is a bit more likely to be honest.

In the meantime we can sit, wait and plan our template for the post when she does finally go over the edge – the headlines are brewing already: ‘Heigl Shoots Cat With Rocket Launcher: Video Inside!’ would be sure to make us at least a bit more popular.

Seth Rogen is fast becoming one of the great character actors of our time.

The portly star of a string of comedies over the last couple of years has managed to wow us all with his portrayal of a slobbish stoner with a kind heart, a slobbish stoner with a kind heart and a slobbish stoner with a kind heart. Ron Perlman had better watch his back, as his crown is surely about to be stolen.

That’s right: signs are pointing towards Seth Rogen playing a slobbish stoner with a kind heart in his new movie.

He will star alongside another of the Judd Apatow stable, Jay Baruchel, in the recently announced ‘Jay and Seth vs The Apocalypse‘, where the two chaps find themselves the last men on earth, during an invasion of monsters and, well, realising they can’t stand being around each other.

And did we mention they’re going to be slobbish stoners with kind hearts? Just in case you weren’t sure.

The movie started life as an internet short, aired on little-known video sharing site YouTube. There it became popular over this newfangled “internets” thing and caused people to talk the thing up. Through the combined power of words and public interest, the option to make the actual filmic version of the comedy short soon popped its little face up, meaning we get to see yet another film where the slobbish stoner with a kind heart does funny things.

Some may think there’s a cynical pattern to the things Rogen tends to be involved in, they may think that he’s found himself a niche and aims to exploit it to the fullest, cashing in on the legions of real-life slobbish stoners with kind hearts who flock to his pictures.

Others may come to the shocking conclusion that – while the man is clearly involved in some very funny films (hello Superbad) – he just doesn’t have that great an imagination when it comes to characters.

Hecklerspray sits between the two opinions, goading supporters of each into throwing Molotov cocktails at each other and cackling, cackling as they do so. We know he’s something of a comedy king in recent times, but come on – play a different character sunshine.

Watch the original short here.