Lindsay Lohan Is Apparently Going Jewish For Love As Moses gingerly led his people through thousands of deserts over the course of 40 or so years, it was with an incredibly important purpose. And that purpose wasn't so much to rescue Jehovah's favourite people from a life of impoverished slavery as it was to have an ancient religion for Lindsay Lohan to one day convert to in an effort to prove her undying gay affection to a rather ugly lesbian. That being the case - it looks like Moses' many efforts are about to pay off - Lohan is reportedly taking the Jewish plunge.

Madonna Becomes Sci-Fi Villain, Employs Mind Control

It's always the bloody same with women - they look at you, talk to you and move in certain ways, and before you know it you're under their spell. In a figurative way, of course. And actually, come to think of it, we can't remember the last time a girl even looked at us, never mind talked to or moved in certain ways at us. We digress...

But Madonna isn't happy with just getting a man under her proverbial spell, oh no - she is literally controlling the mind of Alex Rodriguez, the man she is allegedly getting it on with. Well, according to Rodriguez's estranged wife, Cynthia, that's what Madge is doing. Wait - what?