The world may not care that much about Britney Spears as a singer any more, but so long as she's got ovaries constantly on the brink of inflating up another redneck infant and expelling it from her body, she'll never be without attention.

For example, the entire planet is currently frothing around like billyo over speculation that Britney Spears is pregnant with yet another child. But, as we all know, Britney Spears has emphatically refuted these claims as "B.S." So now the magazine that broke the Pregnant Britney Spears story in the first place has gone public with the text messages it claims are from the alleged father, admitting that the pregnancy is real. So what's the truth? Either Britney Spears is pregnant, Britney Spears isn't pregnant or there's a murky, alley-dwelling unlicensed abortionist knocking around somewhere who's sitting on an effing goldmine.

There's no doubt in the world that Britney Spears enjoys being pregnant. If the statue of Britney Spears giving birth isn't a pretty good signal of this, then the way that Britney Spears posed naked for a magazine when she was pregnant with Jayden James should prove it. And if you're still not convinced, count the times that Britney Spears has displayed her vagina in public, as if to say "this is the place where all my little men come from."

However, as much as Britney Spears loves being pregnant, she obviously hasn't got used to the bit that comes afterwards yet, as the bad driving and the claims of abuse and the skull fractures and the losing custody to Kevin Federline – Kevin Federline! – go to show. So just because Britney Spears likes pregnancy, it's probably not something she should do very often. 

And that's why there's so much fuss being made about the state of Britney Spears womb at the moment. Earlier this week In Touch Weekly magazine claimed that Britney Spears was pregnant again, with a baby fathered by music producer JR Rotem. However, Britney Spears said that she wasn't pregnant and called the whole thing "B.S" – which is confusing because that could be an abbreviation for either "bullshit," "Britney Spears," "Baby? Sure" or "Boom Shack-A-Lack," an ultimately irrelevant reference to the 1993 Apache Indian number five hit.

But In Touch Weekly is determined to go down swinging, and it has released the text messages that it claims are from JR Rotem confirming the pregnancy. Along with an "it's true" message, In Touch also apparently received one from Rotem that answers a question about whether or not Britney Spears will keep the baby with:

"No clue on what she will do. She is unpredictable." 

So it looks like Britney Spears is pregnant after all. But, no, wait, JR Rotem has also gone to People magazine to say that Britney Spears isn't actually pregnant at all, saying that:

"There is absolutely no truth to this." 

You know who we feel sorry for if Britney Spears really is pregnant with her third child? Britney Spears' fourth child, that's who. Look at the pattern of Britney's decreasing pregnancy enthusiasm – when Britney was pregnant with baby number it was all smiles and happiness. Then Britney got pregnant with baby number two and called it a giant mistake. Now that Britney could be pregnant with baby number three, she's so embarrassed by it that she's denying it even exists, spawning all kinds of dark abortion talk. So on this basis, when Britney Spears gets pregnant with baby number four she'll probably end up stabbing herself in the womb with a carving knife on live TV or something.

Which, admittedly, would still pale against Britney's MTV VMA performance in terms of uncomfortable television moments.

Read more:

In Touch Gets Text Punk'D? – E! Online 

Rumours are great, whether they're false – like the one blowing around yesterday about Britney Spears being pregnant; or true – like the one about all hecklerspray writers being so talented and good looking that it makes all the girls cry.

But anyway, back to the false rumours. Yesterday everyone suddenly got very excited over claims made by a raft of American tabloid magazines that Britney Spears was four weeks pregnant and it was true and she'd emailed ultrasound scans to everyone and some bloke nobody's ever heard of was the father. However, even though it's an unmitigated fact that having yet another screaming redneck child would single-handedly solve all of her current problems, Britney Spears has blasted the reports as "B.S". And, as we all know, "B.S" either stands for "Bloody Sertain" or "Baby! Shaboom!" so it's definitely a fact that Britney Spears is definitely 100% pregnant. Congratulations, Britney!

If you look at Britney Spears' life, you can divide it neatly into two parts. There was pre-baby Britney, where Britney Spears was a million-selling pop virgin with apple-pie good looks and a booty that made men of a certain age feel slightly uncomfortable with themselves, and then there's post-baby Britney.

As if you needed telling, post-baby Britney is the Britney Spears who shaves her head, pukes up, attacks cars, collapses, has lesbian romps in swimming pools, convinces herself that she's the devil to such an extent that she tries to kill herself and babbles in made-up languages. It's this behaviour that explains why, when told of yesterday's reports that Britney Spears was pregnant for a third time, most normal people clasped their hands to their mouths in horror and shed a solitary tear for the future of all humanity.

According to reports in the likes of Us Weekly and In Touch Weekly yesterday, Britney Spears is four weeks pregnant with a baby by JR Rotem, a music producer who's made tracks for everyone from 50 Cent to Rihanna to Leona Lewis to, oddly, Kevin Federline. JR Rotem apparently even went as far as confirming these rumours himself according to the magazine reports.

However, eager to spoil the party like she did at the MTV VMAs, Britney Spears has texted Ryan Seacrest to say:

"It's B.S, I don't know who made it up. J.R. doesn't even know what's up. It's fake, completely fake."

So that means it's true, obviously.

But if it isn't true, and Britney Spears hasn't been knocked up again, you'll excuse us for being a little relieved. After all, a court is currently convinced that Britney Spears is already such a terrible mother that she can hardly even see her existing children as it is, much less drive them around. So if Britney Spears did get pregnant again now, her career and personal life would probably be dealt a blow that not even she could recover from.

And that's ignoring the biggest issue here. As a fan of driving with her children balanced precariously on her knee, a third child would complicate things beyond question for Britney Spears. Sean Preston on the left and Jayden James on the right works well enough in theory for now, but a new baby? Why, that'd have to go in the middle. And, since Britney Spears is usually nude in the middle, that poor baby would have to suffer things that no human deserves to suffer.

Read more:

Spears Slams Pregnancy Reports – Daily Dish