Joslyn James - HecklerSpray

Joslyn James Has Opinion About Tito Ortiz, Unsurprisingly

April 28th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

No matter where a story happens, Joslyn James is right there in the action. So long as it’s a story about Tiger Woods’s penis, obviously.

And so long as there’s clear financial motivation for her to discuss it. But wait – Josyln James isn’t just the Tiger Woods mistress most determined to cling onto her nanosecond of barely-fame. She’s the Tiger Woods mistress and alleged Tito Ortiz domestic violence witness most determined to cling onto her nanosecond of barely-fame. Apparently Joslyn James saw Tito Ortiz beat Jenna Jameson up on three separate occasions before his arrest on Monday.

This means that Josyln James is becoming the go-to woman for inside info on crap men. Who’ll be next? Jesse James? Chris Brown? Deposed African despot Charles Arthur? Christ alive, we hope it’s Charles Arthur. Joslyn, if you’re reading this, go out and have sex with Charles Arthur for us quickly.

Joslyn James Still Refusing To Shut Up About Tiger Woods

April 6th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

This might be news to some of you, but Tiger Woods slept with some women once. It’s a bit of a secret, though.

What’s that? It’s not a secret at all? In fact news of Tiger Woods’s various sexual escapades have been so relentlessly ubiquitous for the last five months that you could question a three-year-old baby about it and he’d shout “I WISH I HAD THE ABILITY TO MAKE YOU SORE!” at the top of his voice and then high-five all his friends? Oh.

In that case, someone should really inform Joslyn James. She’s determined to remind the world that Tiger Woods once had sex with her, to the extent that she even gave an official rebuttal after his Masters press conference yesterday. She’s vowed to keep going until Tiger Woods offers her a sincere apology. Or until she gets a reality show. One or the other.

Tiger Woods Wishes He Had The Ability To Make You Sore

March 19th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

If there was ever a reason to envy billionaires, it’s the lack of effort they need to put into romancing the ladies.

Look at Tiger Woods. He managed to have it off with roughly half the world’s population of leathery, nylon-haired titty models with too many vowels in their names, and what effort did he put in to get there? He bashed out a handful of meaningless text messages that read as if they’ve been translated into Russian and then back into English.

If alleged mistress Joslyn James is to believed, Tiger Woods managed to get her into bed with a text message reading “I wish I had the ability to make you sore”. Even by promising to cover women in thousands of infected skin ulcers, Tiger Woods still managed to get his end away. We’ve never been so jealous.

Porn Star Remembers That Tiger Woods Got Her Pregnant Twice

February 16th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Hands up who thinks this whole Tiger Woods thing is over. Really? You’d better brace yourself for bad news.

It’s just begun. Yes, we know that you were probably under the impression that – since Tiger Woods has a well-established fondness for women who look like inflatable sex dolls fashioned out of water-logged second-hand pleather bowling bags – every last one of the ratty-haired strumpets had come forward to sell their story. But that’s not the case.

Porn star Joslyn James has now come forward to claim that Tiger Woods got her pregnant twice during a three-year affair they had. Why has she waited until now to announce her news? God knows – maybe Tiger Woods has initiated a deli-style ticket system so that all of his alleged conquests get a turn to discuss his ejaculate in public or whatever.