Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
JOSIE WALKS OUT OF THE ULTIMATE BIG BROTHER HOUSE
This afternoon Josie walked out of Ultimate Big Brother house via the fire exit in the garden after deciding the experience was all too overwhelming for her (and underwhelming for us).
And as luck would have it, one of the first people she should meet when she escaped through the camera runs was John James in the Big Brother car park, as he had been visiting the Big Brother compound to record a message to give to Josie.
Heartbreaking news folks. Time to dig out the black armbands and wipe away a mournful tear. Ladies and gentleman – this is our JFK moment. Yesterday afternoon, Josie and John James were called to the Diary Room by Big Brother. The consequences were dire.
After repeately turning off their microphones for secret chats, or deliberately muffling their mics whilst they talked, Big Brother has decided to punish them for persistent rule breaking.
So Big Brother told them that until further notice they’re not allowed to be in the same room as each other, and yesterday evening, they were not be allowed to share a bed.
Anyone who has ever endured the displeasure of listening to someone eulogising about a great TV show like The Wire or The Sopranos will know the score pretty well.
You just have to watch a few episodes, get used to it. Or to use the words of someone like Danny Dyer – you just need to break the tart in. Big Brother is the same. And like the aforementioned shows, you need to stick with it, and then stay stuck.
So, for the benefit of those people who have been too distracted by things like the World Cup, Andy Murray‘s thrilling Wimbledon ride, and going out with friends because it’s hot outside, here’s the general gist of what’s been going on…
Of course, it's easy to jump on the bandwagon driven by the kind of highbrow pipe-smoking women who find Big Brother to be totally beneath them and deride the show.
But sod that, Big Brother is magnificent, and once the abominable cockery of the first couple of weeks dies down, it tends to settle and become a fascinating study of just how far people will go for your approval.
Until then, we?ll just have to make do with the din of fourteen voices vying for camera time, and the one that looks like Beyonce undergoing five slutty outfit changes per day, as if she's presenting a whorish reimagining of the Oscars.
But who will win the thing? Let's start with the people who definitely won't.
Hooray! Big Brother is back! Hooray! And because this is its final year, the launch show did its best to mimic the entire Big Brother decade.
It started out exciting. Then halfway through it threw in somebody who looked famous but wasn’t. And then it became so overwhelmingly tedious that we automatically wished pain on all of the housemates and briefly considered euthanising ourselves because we didn’t think it was ever going to end. The entire Big Brother experience, summed up in 90 minutes. Great work, Channel Four.
But who’s in the Big Brother house this year? Glad you asked – we’ve listed them after the jump. Honestly, the things we put ourselves through for you people…
