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Jordin Sparks

Us here ‘Spray writers have written a lot of words over the years and it is with tired hearts and mangled hands that we begrudgingly bring this to you now.  Scroobius Pip is currently informing us that journalism is redundant through our pathetic laptop speakers, America is still unwittingly executing people, and R.E.M have just split up; don’t worry we’re not making THAT joke, but it all makes you remember how terribly rubbish the world is.

To bring this point home we considered bringing you new music videos from the likes of Mastadon and Trash Talk in which you could see a really dirty man, some breasts glow, and some skateboarders injure themselves while annoying everyone in California; and you’d only get a little bit of motion sickness.

Yes, there is a massive ‘but’ here… although, we thought that might not go down to well with all you lovely Cosmo readers.  Instead we’re celebrating the fact that you can watch hours of idiocy on ITV 2 tonight and tomorrow while Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell incessantly flirt and pass aggressive notes under the table about whose teeth are whiter.

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So it looks like the big story of the MTV VMAs was the fight between teenagers who wear purity rings and all the other, cooler, teenagers.

Much of this kerfuffle is down to American Idol winner Jordin Sparks, who took so much offence at host Russell Brand‘s mockery of abstinence that she marched up to the stage and threw a prissy little tantrum about it on live TV, basically calling all unmarried non-virgins ‘sluts’ in the process.

Now that the dust has settled a little, though, Jordin Sparks is feeling a little bit sorry for herself. She still stands by the notion of purity rings, she says, but she wishes she hadn’t called everyone a slut like that. And we have to agree with Jordin Sparks – we think the term she was reaching for was ‘squalid Godless fornicating AIDS-carrying sodomites whose corpses will blister and writhe in hell for eternity’. We imagine.

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So it looks like the big story of the MTV VMAs was the fight between teenagers who wear purity rings and all the other, cooler, teenagers. Much of this kerfuffle is down to American Idol winner Jordin Sparks, who took so much offence at host Russell Brand's mockery of abstinence that she marched up to the stage and threw a prissy little tantrum about it on live TV, basically calling all unmarried non-virgins 'sluts' in the process. Now that the dust has settled a little, though, Jordin Sparks is feeling a little bit sorry for herself. She still stands by the notion of purity rings, she says, but she wishes she hadn't called everyone a slut like that. And we have to agree with Jordin Sparks - we think the term she was reaching for was 'squalid Godless fornicating AIDS-carrying sodomites whose corpses will blister and writhe in hell for eternity'. We imagine.