You may remember that attorney who claimed Britney Spears' civil rights had been removed by the way her father kept her constantly encased in a pulsating plasma forcefield and only fed her twigs.

Or something. Anyway, this attorney – Jon Eardley – had been pushing to move Britney Spears' conservatorship case to a federal court because of this apparent civil rights hoo-hah.

But it isn't going to happen. A judge has ruled that the Britney Spears case has to remain in California because the attorney isn't really Britney Spears' attorney. Interesting, huh? OK, on with your lives now.

If ever there was a human being who doesn't deserve normal civil rights, it's Britney Spears. Give Britney Spears an inch of civil freedom and next thing you know she's using it to wear a bright pink wig and lead a small army of paparazzi around a fast food restaurant car park while she mutters at herself in a British accent and weeps.

Face the facts – the only thing that's helped Britney Spears recover from her horrible mental breakdown last month was the way that her father Jamie Spears took control of her conservatorship and imposed a strict set of rules on her. But some would say those rules were imposed a little too strongly. 

Like Jon Eardley, for example. He argued that Jamie had stripped Britney Spears of her civil rights and wouldn't allow her to think for herself or wee by herself, and that when Britney tried to phone Eardley the phone was snatched away from her because it was in the middle of Jamie Spears Jabs Britney's Ankles With An Electric Cattle Prod To Make Her Dance Like A Sad Puppet Hour. Or whatever.

Anyway, Jon Eardley used this argument to try and move the Britney Spears case to a federal court, but yesterday a judge decided that he wasn't having any of it. Reuters reports:

A federal judge on Tuesday ruled the case of pop singer Britney Spears' conservatorship should remain in a California court, effectively allowing the troubled performer's father to keep control of her affairs. U.S. District Judge Philip Gutierrez said attorney Jon Eardley, who claimed Spears' civil rights were violated by California officials, could not be Spears' attorney and, as a result, was not entitled to move the case to federal court. "Mr. Eardley had no authority to remove the case from state court. He is neither a party nor a defendant," Gutierrez wrote in his ruling.

It's probably for the best that Judge Gutierrez made this decision, because a move to a federal court would have only brought more attention to Britney Spears, and that's just about the last thing she needs. Plus this way Jamie Spears can continue doing the seemingly fine job of keeping Britney Spears in check. And let's not forget that it keeps Judge Philip Gutierrez in the limelight, too, bringing his dream of hosting a daytime cookery TV show one tantalising step closer. 

However, this legal kerfuffle hasn't been without its drawbacks. It's been reported that the cost of fighting Eardley's claims ran to more than $40,000. And, since Eardley claims that he was hired by Britney Spears, then his fees will also be coming out of the Britney Spears bank balance.

Eventually, if this continues, Britney Spears is going to run out of cash. So maybe it's time for her to think about marketing a new perfume with a name that reflects her current situation. How about Britney Spears: Locked In A Cage That Used To Belong To A Spider Monkey?

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Britney Spears case to stay in California court – Reuters