Jokes - HecklerSpray

Readers’ Letters: “The Ballad Of Rough Lesbian Sex” Or “How To Deal With A Slow Week”

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

You’re stunningly dull sometimes, readers.

We toil away, day after day writing some of the most libellous nonsense on the internet and all you have to say is “Ha.” or “Good work.” or maybe the occasional, “Yes, I agree with your pathological dislike of digestive biscuits”.

This week has seen our foetid pouch of correspondence whimper under the sheer weight of your tiresome opinions. Not once did we read something that truly shocked us and not once did we cry out with joy at someone’s obsessive missive. That being said, we have to make a feature out of it so here’s us over-reacting to your comments.

Jump To Conclusions As Rapper T.I. Says Some Gays Aren’t Real Americans

November 28th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Hey gays! How are you? Sat their being all gay, poking at stuff with your gay hands? Good. Don’t think that we’re using your gaydom as some kind of comedic device. We’re not. We’re just saying you’re gay. Okay?

We write that disclaimer because some people can be a little jumpy when they’re mentioned. It might be through a comment on your sexuality or your chosen job. Whatever, it might make your eyes widen and spine stiffen.

So what do you make of T.I. saying that some homosexuals aren’t proper Americans? Does it get your dander up?

Jimmy Carr Provokes Offence Article (Includes People You Like More Than Jimmy Carr)

November 25th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

You know how people sit around talking? They sit around and talk about all manner of things. Sometimes they know what they’re talking about. Sometimes not. Sometimes, people say really appalling things that would make someone sound like a monster, if taken out of context. Some people are just dull.

Well, comedians are no different. Not that they care. They’re hired to make people laugh in any way possible. Some tread an offensive line. Some are right-on. Some are aware that they’ll never make anyone laugh as hard as someone accidentally doing a particularly angry fart in a public place.

And so, Jimmy Carr has come forward to talk about his joke about people with Down Syndrome.

Watch Clips Of The New Muppets Movie & Brighten Your Otherwise Dull Life

November 10th, 2011 By hecklerspray staff

Hecklerspray is known for not really liking anything but when it comes to fuzzy-wuzzy, cuddly, comedic characters- we’re all over it. So you can imagine our delight when we realised that the new Muppets film draws ever closer.

The Muppets is going to be wonderful. Even if it’s the worst film ever made by human hands, it will still be wonderful, such is the strength of feeling and nostalgia for Jim Henson’s creation. That’s the kind of film that people want to see.

Admittedly, the film company seems to think that those of us in the UK want to wait three months before we see the film in cinemas but you can’t have everything.

Justin Bieber’s “Someday” Gives His Beliebers False Hope

July 18th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Over at the hecklerspray bedsit, we've been getting a little bit worried about our favourite singing foetus, Justin Bieber. We genuinely thought that the little runt had burnt himself out after constant album promotion, touring and trying to work out how Selena Gomez?s vagina works.

Apparently not though: Justin has still found the time to record a new, undoubtedly woeful, track with buck-toothed punching enthusiast Chris Brown.

Instead of recording rubbish new songs, it seems that Justin Bieber has been working to exploit other gaps in the market. Basics such as posters, cutlery and blenders have probably been covered. So now he's taking the plunge into perfume (not literally, you understand).

Ricky Gervais Has Been Asked To Insult Celebrities Again At The Golden Globes

February 1st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Americans either have a sense of humour or, maybe, they just like the press they get from controversy (that could well explain Sarah Palin’s baffling rise in power). We say this because apparently, Ricky Gervais has been asked to host the Golden Globes again.

Of course, you’ll remember that he upset some humourless dullards with a series of jokes that made everyone else laugh.

Dry heaving while pretending to wank-off Hugh Hefner? That’s exactly the sort of thing that will see hecklerspray jumping to our collective feet for a standing ovation. Not to mention ripping celebrity Scientologists a new one.

Ricky Gervais Defends His Golden Globes Routines, Even Though He Shouldn’t Have To You Humourless Chumps

January 18th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Like we noted yesterday, America can occasionally forget what a sense of humour is, despite the fact they’ve produced some of the most acerbic comics in history and invented the notorious advent of the comedy roast.

Yet, when on the receiving end of abuse from a British comedian, they can get a bit huffy and wounded. The great big touchy soft shits.

This has left Ricky Gervais having to defend his studs-showing stint which he delivered while hosting the Golden Globes, even though he shouldn’t have to. Gervais came armed with jokes, not guns, eh America?

Ricky Gervais Does Disappearing Act At Golden Globes As Hollywood Forgets What Jokes Are

January 17th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The 68th annual Golden Globes happened last night and, once again, hecklerspray‘s invite was lost in the post despite having previous when it comes to getting hold of really pure cocaine for very competitive and good prices.

Maybe we have to pretend to be Scientologists or something? Either way, we weren’t there, which means we have to rely on hearsay and reports. Please note – the former doesn’t mean we got a text from Suzanne Shaw, now starring in Emmerdale.

Anyway, apart from the winners, which no-one really cares about, the big story of the show focused on the host, Ricky Gervais who reminded us all that, sometimes, Americans don’t understand humour. Or they don’t find English people funny. One of the two.

Katie Price Makes Official Complaint About Frankie Boyle And For Once, It Is Difficult To Pick A Side

December 10th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Since Frankie Boyle left the BBC, he’s been sulking. He’s decided that the BBC squashed his right to free speech and, of course, freedom of speech essentially means making the most offensive jokes you can think of. A bit like a teenager chuckling over the word ‘rape’.

This has left Boyle in the unique position of being a Post Modern Jim Davidson. He doesn’t mean it maaaaan, it’s all in the name of his art, okay? His show, Tramadol Nights, has seen Muslim women being hung, jokes about mental illnesses and one that has got him in hot water with Katie Price.

Boyle made a joke about Price’s disabled son and now Ofcom will be going after him, probably leaving Boyle to see himself as some lone gunman in the West, staunchly defending something on behalf of comedy itself.

The Law Is An Ass And Why hecklerspray Is Worried Re: #twitterjoketrial

August 7th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

What happens when you make an idle joke about blowing an airport up on Twitter to a couple of hundred followers who all know that what you’re saying is meant to be a joke at the expense of your frustration?

Well, in the UK, you’re branded a terrorist, that’s what.

Yesterday, Paul Chambers was convicted of being a “menace” after saying something in jest. He’s now expected to cough-up the fees and probably won’t get a job for a very long time, thanks to Judge Jacqueline Davies’ completely non-understanding of humour. So what does this mean for hecklerspray?