If you've ever wanted to get murdered by an evil clown in a thick fog while listening to someone hum an unmistakable rendition of Little Pink Houses to the beat of a clunky, blood covered chain saw – we have good news. Naomi Campbell is well on the road to recovery, and she might just do it for you if you look like you really want it.

We heard that after she eats you, her body turns you into a cyst. We really heard that. We think we really heard that. We may have heard it.

Now if you'd like to share in that experience without actually needing CPR and cyst-reversal surgery afterwards, we have good news for that too. Steven King and John Mellencamp have teamed up to write a musical. It's called Naomi Campbell's Raging Cyst.

It's not called Naomi Campbell's Raging Cyst.
In the oddest pairing since Brandon and Brenda Walsh had a dyslexic 90210 baby (that was a subplot in season two, wasn't it?), Steven King and John Mellencamp have gotten together to make a child of their own.

A musical child. Sorry  – no homosexual genetic break-throughs here. The two have written a musical. It's called Ghost Brothers of Darkland County, and Billboard lets loose with some details:

"Mellencamp wrote the score, while King wrote the script. Mellencamp previously said the play, which is set in Lake Belle Reve, Miss., in 1957, is about "two brothers; they're 19 years old or 20, maybe 18 or 21, who are very competitive and dislike each other immensely. The father takes them to the family vacation place, a cabin that the boys hadn't been to since they were kids. What has happened is that the father had two older brothers who hated each other and killed each other in that cabin," he continued. "There's a confederacy of ghosts who also live in this house. The older [dead] brothers are there, and they speak to the audience, and they sing to the audience."

Makes you think, doesn't it? If intense sibling rivalry leads to an eternal hell of being stuck day in and day out in an Atlanta based musical, then we've got some bridges to mend. Bruce – we're so sorry we whipped you with a cat-o-nine tails while you were just trying to protect those kittens. Tina – you are not the stankest ho on a planet made of stank. Alonzo – sorry we made your eye droop.

Step-siblings – we stand by our words, and we stand by our actions.

Read More:

King, Mellencamp Team for Musical – Entertainment Weekly

Although the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame is really nothing more than a cruel procession of semi-forgotten acts looking back at a time when their hands didn't resemble gnarled vulture claws, it's still nice to be asked.

So Madonna must be feeling rather spiffy jazzed today, because the final line-up of bands to be inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame next year has just been announced and she's on it, along with Leonard Cohen, The Dave Clark Five, John Mellencamp and The Ventures. Come next March, all of these acts will have to trudge down to Cleveland where they'll all be frozen in carbonite like Han Solo and stored away in the bowels of a vast warehouse forever alongside the likes of Little Richard and The Doors, never to make another note of music again.

That's what we want you to tell Madonna if she asks, anyway. OK?

For what basically amounts to a lovely night out that lets a bunch of pensioners talk about the old days and watch Velvet Revolver perform a badly-judged medley of their hits, the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame doesn't half have a convoluted entry process. 

Next year's Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame induction isn't until March 10, but organisers were already faffing about it back in October, when they announced the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame shortlist – a group of acts that released their first single over 25 years ago, making them eligible for Hall Of Fame entry, which serves as a fairly decent excuse for the voting panel to shake their head and tut about how hip-hop isn't real music.

We're guessing that's the case because the shortlist for next year's Hall Of fame entry included both The Beastie Boys and Afrika Bambaataa, and they've both been passed over. The final list of Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame inductees for next year has just been released, and it's not an incredible list by any stretch of the imagination.

Going into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame next year are The Ventures (a surf guitar band who managed to release 52 albums in the 1960s alone), John Mellencamp (a man so dull he had to name himself after a sexually-aggressive older woman in the 1980s), Madonna (a sexually-aggressive woman from the 1980s), Leonard Cohen (the most miserable man alive) and The Dave Clark Five (composers of the official Crystal Palace anthem, so probably the second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth most miserable men alive).

Sadly, since three of the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame inductees are solo acts, we might not get to see too much of the most traditional Hall Of Fame activity – the fractious inter-band sniping that tends to happen when bands who split up decades ago because they hated each other are forced to try and get along for one night, often with hilariously ill-willed results.

But it's thought that Madonna will try and make up for this by having a public brawl onstage with all of her old incarnations, like Cowgirl Madonna, Evita Madonna, Conical Bra Madonna and Completely Naked And Slightly Off-Putting Madonna. However, they don't stand a chance against the current Madonna. She's the only one with arms like a bouncer and giant scaly vulture claws, you see.

Read more:

Madonna, Mellencamp Lead 2008 Rock Hall Class – Billboard