John Mayer - HecklerSpray

John Mayer Has Been Hitting On Ladies Via Social Media

September 9th, 2017 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

I don’t even know what to say. I feel like the title alone speaks for itself. John Mayer is, well, John Mayer. He writes stupid moody songs that apparently everyone but me likes, but he’s also kind of undercover sleazy. He’s literally like every other scummy douche with a guitar trying to sound soulful when really he’s sliding into bitches DMs left, right and center.

Last week, music producer David Foster posted a picture of him and his super hot daughter, Erin, on Instagram. John commented asking for David to put in a good word. Classic John Mayer. This week, John has taken to hitting up Twitter to hit on Nicki Minaj. Because…well…JOHN MAYER.

A Definitive Ranking of Taylor Swift’s Boyfriends

September 29th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

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Taylor Swift has gotten a lot of shit over the years for her extremely publicized romantic relationships and, I mean, let’s be real, she brings a lot of it on herself. She kind of puts all her shit out there for everyone to see. I mean, if T-Swizzle were a regular twenty-something girl, she’d be the chick that puts every detail of every relationship in her Facebook status, know what I’m sayin’?

Anyway, Taylor Swift has dated some jerks and some gems, and, given the fact that I have a love/hate relationship with T Swift, I’ve decided to sit down and do a definitive ranking of the top 10 guys she’s dated from worst to best. Yes, I know, the fact that a grown woman is spending her evening doing this is goddamn tragic.

Katy Perry Needs Black Magic To Find a Man

August 8th, 2014 By Megan Leitch

When Katy Perry started dating (and eventually married)?Russell Brand, it made a lot of people question her decision-making abilities a bit, as well as the functionality of her nose.?? Whensshe then moved on to known douchelord John Mayer, it made us all wonder about her mental state.

Seems even Katy has realized she kind of totally sucks at choosing guys to date, so she has moved onto using some pointy hat, wart on the nose type of help.

True Love is Dead: Katy Perry Dumped John Mayer

February 26th, 2014 By Megan Leitch

Finally some good news in the world! Katy Perry has allegedly gotten sick of always playing second fiddle to John Mayer?in her relationship with John Mayer and dumped his douchey ass.?

Now Katy’s little homage to her breakout single, “I Kissed a Girl” with Miley Cyrus last week makes a little more sense.? Although if I may say so, Katy, going from swapping spit with one whore to another isn’t exactly a real improvement.

Katy Perry And John Mayer Are Hurting For Attention

February 18th, 2014 By Megan Leitch

It’s been too long since John Mayer has seen his name in the press (yes, a week is a very long time in fame whore years) so it’s pretty apparent he and girlfriend Katy Perry decided to draw a little attention to themselves this week.?

Anyone who wears a ring on their left hand is just begging people to ask questions.? Anyone who does this on Valentine’s day, and is famous, obviously just likes seeing their faces all over the Interwebz. We see your game, Mayer, and we raise you one “You’re stupid.”

Taylor Swift Doesn’t Have a Relationship Problem, She IS the Problem

October 14th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Taylor Swift may finally see that she is that girl.? You know the one that I mean.? The girl who has a hundred hook ups, dates a bunch of guys, falls in love at the drop of a hat, and without fail every time it ends badly.?

And each time it ends, that girl is completely blindsided and heartbroken, never seeing what went wrong.? Meanwhile, you sit there going “Did you really not notice that dude was a total dick?”? or “Well, calling him 47 times a day may have been overkill.”? But that girl doesn’t listen, and within the next week or two she is back out on the prowl, looking for her next Mr. Right.?

Katy Perry Swallows For Her Health

September 17th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Katy Perry likes to be talked about. ?What celebrity doesn’t? ?They all say and do things specifically so people will listen and react. But after Perry’s recent interview with?Elle Canada,?I think I want to rip my ears off and vomit everywhere.?

Within the article, Perry also stereotypically discusses how she is maturing as a person and an artist, and some crap about meditation. ?Oh, and throws a little shade at friend Rihanna and her nighttime activities.?

John Mayer Returns to Music After Two Years of Constant Sex With Hot Women

January 19th, 2013 By Chris Chambers

Earlier this week, musician/singer/heartthrob John Mayer performed his first concert in nearly two years, following two surgeries to repair damage to his vocal chords. While it’s easy to write John off … his music is dreadful and he seems like a cocky asshole who probably?smells?…?this concert was a fundraiser, that he helped to organize,?benefiting?firefighters in Montana?who fought a devastating wildfire in August of last year.

John was involved because he owns a home close to the more than 8,500 acres of destroyed?land. The concert?raised more than $100,000, and it is quite charming that he made his return to the stage?to benefit a good cause and for such a comparatively modest crowd. And despite warning the audience that he wasn’t fully recovered, his voice sounded alright.

6 Simple Steps to Break Up With Your Celebrity Girlfriend

September 20th, 2012 By Chris Starr

We’ve all been there. You’re hanging out the back of your super-hot celebrity girlfriend when suddenly you think “I’m not emotionally fulfilled here.” Forget the perfect face, the bounteous lips and the banging set of boobs that don’t come out on celluloid except for a $20 million fee. Dammit, you’re more than a robot, and you have feelings, and this woman doesn’t support your desire to create an animatronic version of Led Zeppelin!

You know what you have to do, don’t you? You’ve got to man up and end that relationship. Sure – you’ll feel bad. But don’t. Because it’s the circle of life. And it moves us all: through despair and hope, through faith and love. ‘Til we find our place on the path unwinding. It’s the circle. The circle of life.

Official: Jessica Simpson Has Manky Teeth

April 29th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Oh, now we get it. Now we understand why John Mayer called Jessica Simpson ‘sexual napalm’ recently.

It all makes so much sense. The reason why John Mayer described Jessica Simpson as ‘sexual napalm’ is because her breath smells like a mixture of petrol and burnt flesh. It has to, because Jessica Simpson has just revealed that she only brushes her teeth about three times a week. But it’s OK, because she’ll wipe her teeth with a shirt whenever they get a bit dirty. She’s not a monster or anything.

We’re not making a word of this up, by the way. Jessica Simpson told Ellen DeGeneres, in front of an audience, while she was being filmed by a number of television cameras, that she only brushes her teeth three times a week. If this isn’t an aggressive move on Jessica Simpson’s part to render us obsolete, we don’t know what is.