Articles tagged with: John Mayer
Perez Hilton Now Fights John Mayer and GLAAD To The Death (ish)
We at hecklerspray feel nothing but intense sympathy for the shining beacon of all celebrity cock-drawing that is Perez Hilton after the suffering he must have been through recently. Not only has he allegedly been attacked by will.i.am/Bill.I.Was/Frank Arnesen/whatever's manager, he's now been insulted by a man who vies with Robert Pattinson for the title of 'Man Who Has Personality Most Like A Brick Wall' - John Mayer - and the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation hate him too. The musicians, the celebrities, the gays - is there anyone who doesn't hate Perez Hilton? Anyone? No? Ah.
We at hecklerspray feel nothing but intense sympathy for the shining beacon of all celebrity cock-drawing that is Perez Hilton after the suffering he must have been through recently. Not only has he allegedly been attacked by will.i.am/Bill.I.Was/Frank Arnesen/whatever's manager, he's now been insulted by a man who vies with Robert Pattinson for the title of 'Man Who Has Personality Most Like A Brick Wall' - John Mayer - and the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation hate him too. The musicians, the celebrities, the gays - is there anyone who doesn't hate Perez Hilton? Anyone? No? Ah.
John Mayer To Be On TV Much More Than Anyone Wants
Hats off to CBS - it's thought long and hard about how to end to the financial crisis and, by jingo, it's done it! How? Why, by giving John Mayer his own TV show, of course. No, bear with us. You see, if there's an hour a week where John Mayer is on TV, it's bound to scare the public into rushing from their homes screaming - straight to the high street. Thanks to CBS and John Mayer, we're sure the tinned food, DIY bunker and shotgun industries will all easily avoid collapse! Seriously, John Mayer's got a TV show. We're terrified.
Hats off to CBS - it's thought long and hard about how to end to the financial crisis and, by jingo, it's done it! How? Why, by giving John Mayer his own TV show, of course. No, bear with us. You see, if there's an hour a week where John Mayer is on TV, it's bound to scare the public into rushing from their homes screaming - straight to the high street. Thanks to CBS and John Mayer, we're sure the tinned food, DIY bunker and shotgun industries will all easily avoid collapse! Seriously, John Mayer's got a TV show. We're terrified.
Jennifer Aniston Must Never Be Single, Apparently
Going to a party alone can be hard sometimes - especially if it's your party and everyone is desperate for you to fail. So Jennifer Aniston wasn't taking any chances when it came to her Marley And Me premiere recently. Although she's going out with a boy who looks like her nephew, Jennifer Aniston wanted to make damn sure that she wouldn't go to her premiere alone. That's why Jennifer Aniston reportedly got her agents to find some famous actors who'd act as her standby boyfriend if John Mayer dropped out. And, to be fair, they'd all probably be more convincing than John Mayer.
Going to a party alone can be hard sometimes - especially if it's your party and everyone is desperate for you to fail. So Jennifer Aniston wasn't taking any chances when it came to her Marley And Me premiere recently. Although she's going out with a boy who looks like her nephew, Jennifer Aniston wanted to make damn sure that she wouldn't go to her premiere alone. That's why Jennifer Aniston reportedly got her agents to find some famous actors who'd act as her standby boyfriend if John Mayer dropped out. And, to be fair, they'd all probably be more convincing than John Mayer.
Jennifer Aniston Not Pregnant, Still Fairly Annoying
People, it's OK - there's not going to be a baby with Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer's blood running through it any more. Not so long ago we were swamped with rumours that Jennifer Aniston, deafened by the epic clanging of her biological clock, had bit the bullet and let fop-haired manboy John Mayer shove a bun in her oven. But apparently that's not the case. And how do we know? Because Jennifer Aniston recently went to a restaurant in quite a tight blouse - something that no pregnant woman has ever done. On top of that, people are now claiming that the pregnancy rumours were started deliberately to steal attention away from Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. And it worked - thanks to all the pregnancy rumours we're now desperate to see Jennifer Aniston's new movie called, um, whatever it's called.
People, it's OK - there's not going to be a baby with Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer's blood running through it any more. Not so long ago we were swamped with rumours that Jennifer Aniston, deafened by the epic clanging of her biological clock, had bit the bullet and let fop-haired manboy John Mayer shove a bun in her oven. But apparently that's not the case. And how do we know? Because Jennifer Aniston recently went to a restaurant in quite a tight blouse - something that no pregnant woman has ever done. On top of that, people are now claiming that the pregnancy rumours were started deliberately to steal attention away from Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. And it worked - thanks to all the pregnancy rumours we're now desperate to see Jennifer Aniston's new movie called, um, whatever it's called.
Magazine: The Last of Jennifer Aniston’s Eggs To Chemically Spring Forth All At Once
If you're a woman and the last of your eggs is about to dry up, what you want to do is moisten it really quick with either mayonnaise or sperm. Both of those are said to be excellent egg moisturisers, and are pretty much equally inexpensive. If you end up going the mayonnaise route, be warned - in nine months time you could poop out a fully made five-dollar foot-long. We hear this is only painful when its on French bread. And if you go the sperm route, well, that has consequences too - like having to see John Mayer every other weekend, on some holidays and once in a while at a parent-teacher conference. You don't want that, do you? Well according to Star Magazine Jennifer Aniston does. They say she's on fertility drugs in heavy anticipation of receiving his seed.
If you're a woman and the last of your eggs is about to dry up, what you want to do is moisten it really quick with either mayonnaise or sperm. Both of those are said to be excellent egg moisturisers, and are pretty much equally inexpensive. If you end up going the mayonnaise route, be warned - in nine months time you could poop out a fully made five-dollar foot-long. We hear this is only painful when its on French bread. And if you go the sperm route, well, that has consequences too - like having to see John Mayer every other weekend, on some holidays and once in a while at a parent-teacher conference. You don't want that, do you? Well according to Star Magazine Jennifer Aniston does. They say she's on fertility drugs in heavy anticipation of receiving his seed.
Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer: Somewhat Tediously Back On
Mayerston? Johnnifer? Jehn Anistayer? Manny Man Maniston? We need to think up a cute compound name fast, because Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are back on. That's right - Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, the celebrity couple that you know nobody cares the slightest sniff about, presumably not even Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, who get shoved into your face around the clock regardless - are back on, with Aniston apparently being the guest of honour at Mayer's 31st birthday party. What's more, John Mayer has apparently written a song about Jennifer Aniston to show his devotion, sealing their romance. The song, entitled Shut Up You Whiny Pinch-Faced Bitch, is due for release next month by the way.
Mayerston? Johnnifer? Jehn Anistayer? Manny Man Maniston? We need to think up a cute compound name fast, because Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are back on. That's right - Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, the celebrity couple that you know nobody cares the slightest sniff about, presumably not even Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, who get shoved into your face around the clock regardless - are back on, with Aniston apparently being the guest of honour at Mayer's 31st birthday party. What's more, John Mayer has apparently written a song about Jennifer Aniston to show his devotion, sealing their romance. The song, entitled Shut Up You Whiny Pinch-Faced Bitch, is due for release next month by the way.
Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer Spotted ‘Tonguing’ ‘Each Other’
Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were perhaps the greatest couple ever, given that they're both carefree, fun-loving, girl-haired attention-seekers. And that's why, when Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer broke up earlier this year, the world slipped into a deep gloom. For instance, you know how the stock market collapsed and capitalism ended and food and fuel prices suddenly surged and the environment's on the brink of disaster and we're all going to die of bird flu? Yeah, that all happened because Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer split up. It's true. However, it's time to get out the bunting because now Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are back together! And if they're not back together, then they've almost certainly been caught with their tongues wedged right the way down each other's gullet in an airport in front of everyone. So, you know, get the bunting out once the waves of nausea have subsided. There's no rush.
Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were perhaps the greatest couple ever, given that they're both carefree, fun-loving, girl-haired attention-seekers. And that's why, when Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer broke up earlier this year, the world slipped into a deep gloom. For instance, you know how the stock market collapsed and capitalism ended and food and fuel prices suddenly surged and the environment's on the brink of disaster and we're all going to die of bird flu? Yeah, that all happened because Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer split up. It's true. However, it's time to get out the bunting because now Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are back together! And if they're not back together, then they've almost certainly been caught with their tongues wedged right the way down each other's gullet in an airport in front of everyone. So, you know, get the bunting out once the waves of nausea have subsided. There's no rush.
Jennifer Aniston Still a ‘Lady’, John Mayer Keeps Moths in His Wallet
John Mayer has, rather unsurprisingly, been using his breakup with Jennifer Aniston to get himself a nice big slice of publicity. It's not that we didn't expect him to go down that route, but it does still irritate when it actually happens. After all, he is still a dull nobody that would have faded into obscurity had he kept his mouth shut about the relationship and consequent split. So obviously he's gone for the old 'talk about her to the press in an annoying fashion, just so people don't forget who I am for at least two extra weeks, and places like that amazing hecklerspray.com will write about me again' route that so many ineffectual Z-listers opt for. Well we won't, John Mayer. We wo... oh. We have. Bugger.
John Mayer has, rather unsurprisingly, been using his breakup with Jennifer Aniston to get himself a nice big slice of publicity. It's not that we didn't expect him to go down that route, but it does still irritate when it actually happens. After all, he is still a dull nobody that would have faded into obscurity had he kept his mouth shut about the relationship and consequent split. So obviously he's gone for the old 'talk about her to the press in an annoying fashion, just so people don't forget who I am for at least two extra weeks, and places like that amazing hecklerspray.com will write about me again' route that so many ineffectual Z-listers opt for. Well we won't, John Mayer. We wo... oh. We have. Bugger.
