John Lennon - HecklerSpray

Top 10 Most Absurd Celebrity Crap Sold For Ridiculous Amounts of Money

September 3rd, 2013 By Chris Chambers

Mick Jagger’s hair clippings were sold at auction last week for $6,000. Now, you have to wonder about?a person who will spend thousands of dollars for a celebrity’s hair clippings.?Mick?is a legend, obviously,?and I love him?as much as anyone, but I wouldn’t pay $6 for his nasty split ends, much less $6,000.?And what about?$100,000?for a half-eaten piece of toast? It’s pretty fucking troubling.

Of course, there are varying degrees of consumer perversity involved. Some of the auctioned?items on this particular list?were willingly provided by the celebrities and the?proceeds given to charities. And that’s nice, it really is, but it doesn’t answer the question of what kind of fucking weirdo wants Scarlett Johansson’s boogery tissue? Even if you got it for free, why would you want it? She’s lovely, yes, but snot is snot and it’s all gross, no matter how lovely the nose from which it was ejected.

Yoko Ono Ruins Everything that is Good

December 13th, 2012 By Chris Starr

I’ve yet to meet someone that intensely dislikes Katy Perry. She’s not the best singer in the world, and nor is she the best looking person ever (though she is stupendously attractive). I have met people that dislike Yoko Ono.

Many, many people dislike Yoko Ono. And for good reason. She broke up the Beatles. She made John Lennon really, really weird. And she’s basically managed to get rich and famous off absolutely no talent other than that better associated with leeches.

Yoko Ono Insults John Lennon’s Memory With Her Menswear Line

November 29th, 2012 By Chris Chambers

Yoko Ono, the lunatic widow of The Beatles’ John Lennon,?world-reowned for her?accessible, mainstream aesthetic and understated elegance, has teamed up with fancy-cool store Opening Ceremony to produce a limited edition line of menswear inspired by her late husband called “Yoko Ono: Fashions for Men 1969-2012.”

The collection includes a variety of?staple wardrobe pieces such as?pants with handprints on the crotch, a flashing LED bra (for men), and sheer tops with cutaways. All available?in a tasteful array of colors. Yoko designed the clothes as a gift for John for their wedding day in 1969. She told Women’s Wear Daily:

Paul McCartney Almost Died, The Olympics Might’ve Been Better

November 12th, 2012 By Chris Starr

You know when somehow people suppress information for months and months because they know that it’d send the nation into a mad panic if it was reported at the time? Like how people never knew how close Britain came to losing the world wars, or how close terrorists come to blowing us up. Well we have old news for you!

Paul McCartney almost died. That’s right. The loveable, fake-haired moptop singer of the Beatles (the only one still living that’s not called Ringo Starr, natch) could’ve been involved in a helicopter crash. Back in May.

7 Celebrities Who Came Back From the Dead

October 23rd, 2012 By Nic Ferguson

For some, celebrity sightings are exciting enough as they are. But you know what makes spotting a star even more fun? If that celebrity has been dead for years!

That’s right, plenty of celebs have been spotted way after they’ve left the physical world. People see them all the time, in the form of apparitions, of course. Believe in them or not, here are a handful of creepy-as-shit celebrity ghost sightings.

The Beatles 1, People In Wheelchairs 0

March 30th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Do The Beatles hate people in wheelchairs? John Lennon was always ‘spazzing’ during the Fab Four’s shows in the 60s wasn’t he? Is there some kind of ablist agenda with the group? Surely not? Surely that can’t be right?

Executives at Apple Corps, which is the company set up by the assorted members of Mop Tops, have taken up a dispute with a load of wheelchairs.

And the wheelchairs didn’t stand a chance in the face of the might that is The Most Famous Band Who Ever Lived.

Ringo Starr Claims That Paul McCartney Remembers Who He Is

January 12th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Ringo Starr, quite possibly still going around warning everyone with ‘peace and love’, is opening and closing his mouth again, letting words tumble out and reminding everyone that he once provided the voice for Thomas The Tank Engine and friends.

He’s also nattering about his famous chum, Sir Paul McCartney.

Apparently, the 10th best drummer in The Beatles (after John Lennon, Sir Macca, George Harrison, George Martin, Billy Preston, Pete Best, Stuart Sutcliffe, Yoko Ono, Astrid Kirchherr and that arhythmic dripping tap in studio 2 of Abbey Road) is still in close contact with the only useful living member of the Fab Four.

Cee Lo Green Causes Outrage By Changing The Already Awful Lyrics To Lennon’s ‘Imagine’

January 3rd, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ is a pretty lousy song. Sure, it is still massively popular today, but then again, so is war and racism. Numbers and time multiplied doesn’t necessarily show the inherent quality of something.

Either way, that doesn’t stop people being precious about it and today, various arms are being thrown into the air in disgust (because there’s little else to be disgusted about of course) after Cee Lo Green changed the words to one of the laziest lyrics in pop history.

During a televised performance on New Year’s Eve, the visually impaired Green altered Lennon’s lyrics, turning a line that criticises religion into one that actively promotes it.

Fire Up The Cloning Machine And Buy John Lennon’s Teeth

October 24th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

John Lennon – you may remember him from such bands as The Beatles, Plastic Ono Band and Getting Drunk For Two Years With Harry Nilsson – is, like Michael Jackson and Elvis, one of the deadest, hardest working muvvers in showbiz.

Of course, being adopted by America, Lennon still stirs up a lot of interest with people still keen to paw over his memory.

Naturally, memorabilia is the big winner. So what’s being sold now? Would you believe us if we told you his teeth were up for auction? Cloning scientists, do your worst!

Yoko Ono To Squeeze Every Last Penny Out Of John Lennon’s Fetid Corpse

July 11th, 2011 By Michael Park

Yoko Ono’s not a very nice lady, is she? First she split up The Beatles, then she was responsible for a series of musical abortions with the Plastic Ono band and now she’s going out of her way to sully the memory of her late husband by trying to grind as many shekels out of him as possible.

According to Jam, Ono has threatened to sue the owner of a Dundee pub which is dedicated to the former Beatle. Indications suggest that the?”singer” has had her lawyers send a letter to?Mike Craig, the owner of “Lennon’s Bar”, that accuses him of copyright infringement.

Craig claims to have spent thousands of pounds on?Beatles memorabilia for his pub which was opened in tribute to a member of one of world music’s most important acts. However, the letter from?Ono?s lawyers is demanding that he removes all the memorabilia and changes the venue?s name within 14 days or he will face legal action.