Articles tagged with: JK Rowling
Willy The Wizard Comes Down Hard On JK Rowling
The Adventures Of Willy The Wizard No 1: Livid Land is a wonderful book wherein the protagonist possibly vanquishes evil by rubbing it incessantly with his magical buttock. Since Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire basically has the exact same plot, sentence structure, verb-to-noun ratio and pie graphs, the heirs of the Willy Wizard estate have recognised it as unapologetic plagiarism. As such they are now suing JK Rowling either until she agrees to show them the exact location of Hogwarts, and to allow Willy Wizard a full seven-book scholarship there, or for 813 million dollars. We honestly don't remember which.
The Adventures Of Willy The Wizard No 1: Livid Land is a wonderful book wherein the protagonist possibly vanquishes evil by rubbing it incessantly with his magical buttock. Since Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire basically has the exact same plot, sentence structure, verb-to-noun ratio and pie graphs, the heirs of the Willy Wizard estate have recognised it as unapologetic plagiarism. As such they are now suing JK Rowling either until she agrees to show them the exact location of Hogwarts, and to allow Willy Wizard a full seven-book scholarship there, or for 813 million dollars. We honestly don't remember which.
People In ‘Buying A JK Rowling Book’ Shocker
We're not heroin addicts, but if we were - and heroin was made of books about rubbish schoolboy wizards - we'd be screwed. Because if that was true, then JK Rowling would be our dealer. And Rowling is a mean dealer, too - she's been withholding our supply, probably until we break down and agree to let her become our pimp or something - but yesterday JK Rowling threw us a lifeline. Because yesterday JK Rowling released her new book The Tales Of Beedle The Bard - kind of like the methadone to Harry Potter's hardcore skag - and somewhat predictably it instantly became a bestseller.
We're not heroin addicts, but if we were - and heroin was made of books about rubbish schoolboy wizards - we'd be screwed. Because if that was true, then JK Rowling would be our dealer. And Rowling is a mean dealer, too - she's been withholding our supply, probably until we break down and agree to let her become our pimp or something - but yesterday JK Rowling threw us a lifeline. Because yesterday JK Rowling released her new book The Tales Of Beedle The Bard - kind of like the methadone to Harry Potter's hardcore skag - and somewhat predictably it instantly became a bestseller.
JK Rowling Writes A Book About, Oh, You Guessed
Ever since the last Harry Potter book came out, there's been a lack of shamefaced adults reading kid's books on the tube. And that's because now everyone's reading Twilight instead, despite the fact that reading a staunchly conservative abstinence manifesto dressed up as a slushy emo romance fantasy in front of other adults is far worse than reading Harry Potter. So hooray for JK Rowling, who tomorrow releases her new Harry Potter spin-off book The Tales of Beedle the Bard, either for charity or to help us identify idiots more easily on the tube. Merry Christmas to you too, JK!
Ever since the last Harry Potter book came out, there's been a lack of shamefaced adults reading kid's books on the tube. And that's because now everyone's reading Twilight instead, despite the fact that reading a staunchly conservative abstinence manifesto dressed up as a slushy emo romance fantasy in front of other adults is far worse than reading Harry Potter. So hooray for JK Rowling, who tomorrow releases her new Harry Potter spin-off book The Tales of Beedle the Bard, either for charity or to help us identify idiots more easily on the tube. Merry Christmas to you too, JK!
JK Rowling Earns £5 Every Second, Also Global Resentment
You know that time you had a protracted two-hour argument with your girlfriend about the hoovering? JK Rowling earnt £36,000 during that. And you know that poo you did this morning? The one you bit off prematurely because you were in a rush? JK Rowling earnt enough money to buy two Playstations and a week in a Greek villa during that. It's just been announced, you see, that JK Rowling is the richest author on the planet, earning £5 a second. So even just then, when you recoiled in disgust at our graphic description of chopping a poo in half with your sphincter, JK Rowling probably made enough money to go on a three-hour shopping spree at Primark. A shopping spree that ironically would earn JK Rowling enough money to but a nice eight-berth yacht that, if she took on a two-week cruise, would earn her enough money to buy your entire family forever, basically.
You know that time you had a protracted two-hour argument with your girlfriend about the hoovering? JK Rowling earnt £36,000 during that. And you know that poo you did this morning? The one you bit off prematurely because you were in a rush? JK Rowling earnt enough money to buy two Playstations and a week in a Greek villa during that. It's just been announced, you see, that JK Rowling is the richest author on the planet, earning £5 a second. So even just then, when you recoiled in disgust at our graphic description of chopping a poo in half with your sphincter, JK Rowling probably made enough money to go on a three-hour shopping spree at Primark. A shopping spree that ironically would earn JK Rowling enough money to but a nice eight-berth yacht that, if she took on a two-week cruise, would earn her enough money to buy your entire family forever, basically.
Goody Two Shoes JK Rowling Magics Some Cash To Evil Gordon Brown
Reading a newspaper doesn’t seem to be as fun as it used to be. Whilst sniggering at the Page 3 girls' outlook on life, these enlightening comments have now turned to something much more shocking. Death! Fear! Famine! Terror! Bono! Knives! Guns! They all make for happy and pleasant reading on the way in to work. All before you’re charged £1.80 for a piss weak cup of coffee in the local café. If the thought of being stabbed to death isn't great enough to reduce you to a nervous wreck who only watches Jeremy Kyle, we’ve got a new crisis. Apparently, all the banks in the world who rape us via bank charges have run out of money or something. Subsequently, everything is going to cost more and limit us to only seven Starbucks trips a day. With Gordon Brown taking the hit for messing up the country, there seems to have been no help or even a cuddle anywhere. Well that is until JK Rowling came along and donated £1,000,000 of her own money to help him out.
Reading a newspaper doesn’t seem to be as fun as it used to be. Whilst sniggering at the Page 3 girls' outlook on life, these enlightening comments have now turned to something much more shocking. Death! Fear! Famine! Terror! Bono! Knives! Guns! They all make for happy and pleasant reading on the way in to work. All before you’re charged £1.80 for a piss weak cup of coffee in the local café. If the thought of being stabbed to death isn't great enough to reduce you to a nervous wreck who only watches Jeremy Kyle, we’ve got a new crisis. Apparently, all the banks in the world who rape us via bank charges have run out of money or something. Subsequently, everything is going to cost more and limit us to only seven Starbucks trips a day. With Gordon Brown taking the hit for messing up the country, there seems to have been no help or even a cuddle anywhere. Well that is until JK Rowling came along and donated £1,000,000 of her own money to help him out.
JK Rowling Crushes ‘Harry Potter Lexicon’ In Her Giant Metal Fist
Remember that book about Harry Potter that JK Rowling didn't write that made JK Rowling so furious that she almost pooed her spine out in court? You do? Well in that case you'll be pleased to know that JK Rowling has won her court case. A judge in New York has claimed that Steven Jan Vander Ark's The Harry Potter Lexicon does illegally plagiarise the Harry Potter novels and so it can never be released. What does this mean? In short it means that if Harry Potter fans want to buy a secondary book that acts as a reference guide for the myriad Harry Potter characters, locations and themes, they can now either a) wait for JK Rowling to finish writing her Harry Potter encyclopedia or b) grow up and stop being such moon-faced, sappy-eyed farty arseholes with their gormless wizard fixations and their stupid bloody haircuts.
Remember that book about Harry Potter that JK Rowling didn't write that made JK Rowling so furious that she almost pooed her spine out in court? You do? Well in that case you'll be pleased to know that JK Rowling has won her court case. A judge in New York has claimed that Steven Jan Vander Ark's The Harry Potter Lexicon does illegally plagiarise the Harry Potter novels and so it can never be released. What does this mean? In short it means that if Harry Potter fans want to buy a secondary book that acts as a reference guide for the myriad Harry Potter characters, locations and themes, they can now either a) wait for JK Rowling to finish writing her Harry Potter encyclopedia or b) grow up and stop being such moon-faced, sappy-eyed farty arseholes with their gormless wizard fixations and their stupid bloody haircuts.
JK Rowling To Harvard: ‘Do Not Fear Failure, Fear Me Instead! Me!’
JK Rowling has captured the imagination of the young, and every now and again she puts cigarettes out on its arm until it tells her how to get richer. This makes JK Rowling the most uniquely qualified person on the face of the earth to speak at Harvard University's spring commencement yesterday. For only JK Rowling can fill those students' young hearts with the hope that they too can one day rip off the Narnia books and make a sodding fortune out of it. In her spring commencement speech, JK Rowling told the Harvard students not to fear failure, that they should never let go of their imagination and that real strength of character comes through adversity - proof that if her money ever runs out, JK Rowling has a lucrative future writing inserts for those horrible aspirational greetings cards that only creepy friendless wimps buy.
JK Rowling has captured the imagination of the young, and every now and again she puts cigarettes out on its arm until it tells her how to get richer. This makes JK Rowling the most uniquely qualified person on the face of the earth to speak at Harvard University's spring commencement yesterday. For only JK Rowling can fill those students' young hearts with the hope that they too can one day rip off the Narnia books and make a sodding fortune out of it. In her spring commencement speech, JK Rowling told the Harvard students not to fear failure, that they should never let go of their imagination and that real strength of character comes through adversity - proof that if her money ever runs out, JK Rowling has a lucrative future writing inserts for those horrible aspirational greetings cards that only creepy friendless wimps buy.
JK Rowling Bashes Out New Harry Potter Story
It must have been such a relief for JK Rowling when she finished the last Harry Potter book, because it meant she could focus on what's really important to her - which, it turns out, is Harry Potter. Not content with the book of Harry Potter fairy tales she recently wrote, or the Harry Potter encyclopedia she's working on now, JK Rowling has found the time to write a prequel to the Harry Potter books, set before Harry first went to Hogwarts. However, there's only one copy of this 800-word Harry Potter prequel and it's going to be auctioned for charity, so hardly anyone will be able to read it. But the rest of you shouldn't worry - give it a year and Warner Bros will have bought the rights and padded it out into a brand new nine-hour movie trilogy. In space.
It must have been such a relief for JK Rowling when she finished the last Harry Potter book, because it meant she could focus on what's really important to her - which, it turns out, is Harry Potter. Not content with the book of Harry Potter fairy tales she recently wrote, or the Harry Potter encyclopedia she's working on now, JK Rowling has found the time to write a prequel to the Harry Potter books, set before Harry first went to Hogwarts. However, there's only one copy of this 800-word Harry Potter prequel and it's going to be auctioned for charity, so hardly anyone will be able to read it. But the rest of you shouldn't worry - give it a year and Warner Bros will have bought the rights and padded it out into a brand new nine-hour movie trilogy. In space.
