Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
America used to be an optimistic place. We were certain that things would get better if we only put in the effort. Though Y2K was looming and the country would soon be ruled by the runt of the litter in George Bush Sr’s chimpanzee pen, there was a sense that everything was gonna be alright. Plus, new Star Wars movies were on the horizon. Remember the first three Star Wars? Those were awesome.?
How wrong we were to trust in the positive nature of humanity.
Director/producer/other stuff-er JJ Abrams has mentioned the next Star Trek film in an interview. As you all know when someone says anything about a forthcoming sci-fi or superhero film, it's our duty as a blog to report the same story as everybody else regardless of how little information we are actually conveying.
Your job, as drooling fanboys, is to then get all excited/angry about what we write.
Abrams mentioned in an interview that he's going to start working on the sequel to his 2009 Star Trek re-boot, presumably after he's finished his promotional obligations for his latest film Super 8.
So Tom Cruise is going to make Mission: Impossible 4. Let’s get all the obvious gags out of the way now, shall we?
Hey, what’s the impossible mission this time? Reviving Tom Cruise’s career? Ha. Finding Tom Cruise a decent haircut? Ha. Trying to convince the world that Tom Cruise isn’t a boggle-eyed religious fanatic? Ha. Making Tom Cruise the size of a normal human being? Ha. Getting Tom Cruise to convincingly marry a woman? Ha. Trying to get Tom Cruise to promote a movie without making an overwhelming arsehole of himself? Haaaa.
Oh boy, this is going to be fun.
Do you want the good news or the bad news? OK, the good news. Star Trek is the first Star Trek movie in ages that's any good.
The bad news? The bad news is that, because Star Trek is the new number one movie at the weekend box office, Simon Pegg is doomed to spend the rest of his life answering impenetrable questions from stinking spods while harbouring a festering resentment towards Chris Pine?s growing messiah complex.
But still, Star Trek is the new weekend box office movie and that's good. They?ll get to shout ?KHAAAAAN!? in the next one.
William Shatner brings a sparkle of class to whatever he touches, whether it's TV work, movies or inexplicable covers of Elton John songs sung between three different William Shatners – but the new Star Trek movie won't see any of that.
And that's because William Shatner won't be in the new Star Trek movie. Although he was rumoured to have a cameo in the movie alongside Leonard Nimoy, William Shatner has revealed that meetings with the new Star Trek director JJ Abrams were unsuccessful and the movie will go ahead sans Shatner. And now William Shatner can't stop bitching about the Star Trek snub. But can you blame him? After all, we'd be bitter if our derided egomaniacal role in a TV show that hasn't been made for almost 40 years wasn't reprised in a movie that's set several years before the TV show we starred in 40 years ago, too. Or something. Oh look, we've confused ourselves now.
