Now readers, if any of you are planning to try out this hot new ‘being gay’ thing that you’ve read about so much lately, don’t.
It’s just asking for trouble. Look at poor old Adam Lambert – just because he wanted to see what being gay was like by using his debut performance as a professional musician to try and stab a man’s eye out with his genitals and then attempt to perform a pioneering tongue-based tonsillectomy technique on male his keyboard player, ABC has banned him from a number of shows, including Jimmy Kimmel Live.
That’s right readers – if you turn gay, you won’t be allowed to sing bad Goldfrapp rip-offs to sweaty, nervous-looking fat men who aren’t very funny. That’s as bad as it gets!
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Remember that video about Sarah Silverman having sex with Matt Damon and how you thought it was funny but sort of wished that nobody would dilute it by imitating it.
Well, consider it imitated. Imitated by Sarah Silverman's boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel. You see, if Sarah Silverman is fucking Matt Damon, then in the new video Jimmy Kimmel is fucking Ben Affleck.
And the video is hilarious, really. Because, you know, Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Affleck are both men, and if they're both having sex with each other then that means they're gay. And gay is funny these days, right? It's OK to laugh at gay people, because it shows you understand them. But don't let them touch you. Never let them actually touch you. Ugh.
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