Dancing With The Stars, Now Starring Less Dancing Stars If you were looking forward to the new season of Dancing With The Stars because of Jewel, we have bad news. You're a disgrace to humanity. Really, Jewel? You like Jewel? What do you like about her, her rubbish poetry or the fact that she's named after a shiny pebble? Honestly, people like you make us sick. Why don't you grow up, yeah? Grow up and stop liking rubbish singers with stupid one-word names, yeah? You moron. Oh, and also Jewel has pulled out of Dancing With The Stars because of injury. That was probably our original point, in retrospect.

Get Ready For The Breakdowniest Dancing With The Stars Ever! As good as Dancing With The Stars is, we've often felt that it hasn't teetered on the brink of emotional breakdown enough. But lucky old us. The Dancing With The Stars producers have listened to our unspoken wishes and signed such a bewilderingly diverse array of celebrities for its new season that we're honestly convinced that Len Goodman will end the final with a broken nose, several deep gashes to his face and a kitchen knife poking out the back of his skull. How scary is the new Dancing With The Stars? Steve-O scary. Lil' Kim scary. Jewel scary. Scary.