Madonna and Jesus wish to complete the holy trinity of bad puns, by procreating. Though probably rumour, it suits our evil ends to mercilessly poke fun of the couple.

51-year-old Madonna and her 23-year-old boyfriend – a boyfriend who appears to have only just sprouted chin pubes – are rumoured to want a child together. Bored with her own children, Madonna has decided to think outside the box.

Rather than inciting another backlash by dancing merrily around the Malawian legal system, Madonna may be growing another baby in her womb. Womb? No, that doesn’t sound quite right. Her womb, um, or whatever hollow space/ other innards she has in lieu of a fully-functioning reproductive system.