Articles tagged with: jesus
Awesome or Off-Putting: The Chronovisor, A Time Travelling TV-ish Thingy
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. The trouble with time travel is that if you go to the past and step on a butterfly, that butterfly's family will then travel to the future and murder you and everyone you love. We can't remember how that old adage goes, actually. That makes the Chronovisor, invented by Father Pellegrino Ernetti, quite convenient. On it, you see, you can view the past without disturbing it - TV style.
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. The trouble with time travel is that if you go to the past and step on a butterfly, that butterfly's family will then travel to the future and murder you and everyone you love. We can't remember how that old adage goes, actually. That makes the Chronovisor, invented by Father Pellegrino Ernetti, quite convenient. On it, you see, you can view the past without disturbing it - TV style.
Madonna May Be Considering Marrying 22-Year-Old Jesus
Madonna is said to be considering getting married to her 22-year-old partner, Jesus Luz. Yes, you heard us. In a series of rather comical coincidences - that you could not make up unless you were hell-bent on being labelled a heathen - the queen of the baby-snatchers is rumoured to wish to marry her child boyfriend. Not that we're judging, mind you. This is ruddy Madonna we're talking about. Let's face it, short of long-division, there's nothing that she cannot do. Except wear trousers. And not grind her hip bones into a fine powder, as she dry humps her dancers in every video.
Madonna is said to be considering getting married to her 22-year-old partner, Jesus Luz. Yes, you heard us. In a series of rather comical coincidences - that you could not make up unless you were hell-bent on being labelled a heathen - the queen of the baby-snatchers is rumoured to wish to marry her child boyfriend. Not that we're judging, mind you. This is ruddy Madonna we're talking about. Let's face it, short of long-division, there's nothing that she cannot do. Except wear trousers. And not grind her hip bones into a fine powder, as she dry humps her dancers in every video.
Michael Jackson Is Exactly Like Jesus, Says Speech Debelle
It’s good when C-list celebrities share their political views isn’t it? Like the time Lee Ryan Out Of Blue told America to stop harping on about 9/11 because an elephant had just died somewhere. Or words to that effect. What’s even better than C-list celebrities sharing their political opinions is Z-list celebrities espousing their theological beliefs. Recently it was the turn of Speech Debelle to emit some spiritual pellets of wisdom.
It’s good when C-list celebrities share their political views isn’t it? Like the time Lee Ryan Out Of Blue told America to stop harping on about 9/11 because an elephant had just died somewhere. Or words to that effect. What’s even better than C-list celebrities sharing their political opinions is Z-list celebrities espousing their theological beliefs. Recently it was the turn of Speech Debelle to emit some spiritual pellets of wisdom.
Kanye West Charged With Being A Stroppy Little Airport Turd
Kanye West often refers to himself as the son of God - it's a perfectly acceptable statement for him to make. No really, it is. If you've read the Bible, you'll remember the passage describing Jesus's decision to make an album about how miserable he is with loads of Autotune on it. And we believe it was Mark 3:11 that went "And, lo, Jesus was charged with three misdemeanors for acting like a cock in an airport." And now Kanye West has been charged with three misdemeanors for that time he acted like a cock in an airport too. Oh, holy symmetry.
Kanye West often refers to himself as the son of God - it's a perfectly acceptable statement for him to make. No really, it is. If you've read the Bible, you'll remember the passage describing Jesus's decision to make an album about how miserable he is with loads of Autotune on it. And we believe it was Mark 3:11 that went "And, lo, Jesus was charged with three misdemeanors for acting like a cock in an airport." And now Kanye West has been charged with three misdemeanors for that time he acted like a cock in an airport too. Oh, holy symmetry.
WEBTHUMP! Friday 13 March 2009
10 - The most gruesome thing you'll read, possibly ever - Best Week Ever 9 - How to sleep better (unwritten lesson - stop watching YouTube videos of octopuses, because you know they'll only scare you) - Toiletpaperentrepreneur 8 - Kiefer Sutherland, smart or casual? YOU DECIDE - Popsugar 7 - That bloody Jesus, he's everywhere - I Am Bored 6 - Want to build a ...
WEBTHUMP! Wednesday 4 March 2009
10 - Oh, by the way, Jesus is back - Theage 9 - Not interested? OK, here's a dog doing a stand-up weewee instead - Bestweekever 8 - No? A dog running into a wall? - Break 7 - Things happening in slow motion? - YouTube 6 - A CAT IN A BONG! - Breitbart 5 - Men with ponytails: a gallery - ...
Sir David Attenborough: ‘Celebrity Culture Is Ghastly’
Hecklerspray doesn’t believe much in Jesus but, if we did, we imagine he’d resemble something like Sir David Attenborough, only less accomplished, less heart-warming and far less beautiful. His thirst for knowledge, his elegance in communication, his unparalleled integrity - it all amounts to a man with the cosmic value of a billion yous. If only he didn’t accept his knighthood, we can safely assume he’d have been the first perfect ape in existence. But, as we all know, all good things must come to an end and, unfortunately for David, he has ended his life long before death even got the chance too, for he has declared - like some sort of maniac - that celebrity culture is ‘ghastly’.
Hecklerspray doesn’t believe much in Jesus but, if we did, we imagine he’d resemble something like Sir David Attenborough, only less accomplished, less heart-warming and far less beautiful. His thirst for knowledge, his elegance in communication, his unparalleled integrity - it all amounts to a man with the cosmic value of a billion yous. If only he didn’t accept his knighthood, we can safely assume he’d have been the first perfect ape in existence. But, as we all know, all good things must come to an end and, unfortunately for David, he has ended his life long before death even got the chance too, for he has declared - like some sort of maniac - that celebrity culture is ‘ghastly’.
Madonna Considers Becoming Mayor of London
Madonna has said that she will not vote for Ken Livingston at the upcoming London Mayoral elections.
Madonna, as we all know, is a renegade - in both senses of the word.
Indeed, if you were to google the word 'renegade', the returning results would probably offer little more than a biog of her maverick career, alongside the likes of Jesse James, Billy the Kid and Mel Gibson.
