Jermaine Jackson - HecklerSpray

Did Whitney Houston Have A Weird Affair With Weird Jermaine Jackson? (Includes Corpses)

March 5th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Okay, now that Whitney Houston is dead, we can say all manner of things about her private life because she’s not around to refute accusations. Naturally, we can tag other celebrities into the gossip because they’re needy for attention.

And so, what’s all this about Whitney (dead, unable to defend herself) and Jermaine Jackson (desperate to reflect in the glory of another gigantically huge superstar corpse, again) having an affair?

That’s the story swirling around at the minute and, better yet, it will annoy Berry Gordy, founder of Motown Records. And Bobby Brown lives in a constant state of irritation so nothing will change there.

Jermaine Makes A Pretty Penny While Accusing Everyone Of Milking Michael Jackson’s Death

September 16th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Michael Jackson’s death may well be very sad for those who still bought his albums post-Dangerous (yes, these people actually exist), but it hasn’t been all bad news for the world.

You see, like deep sea creatures gorging on the carcass of a dead whale, Michael Jackson’s cadaver has created something of a cottage industry, where everyone is making a nice living out of an injection of Propofol.

And one person doing very well out of Michael’s death is Jermaine Jackson who, ironically enough, is paying his mortgage by scalding everyone who is making money out of Michael’s deathly mishap.

Jermaine Jackson Is Broke So He Must Be Thrilled That He Owes ?50,000 To His Ex-Wife

April 6th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

The Jackson family really has a lot to answer for in terms of their dire financial situation. Who they gonna blame it on? Most people would point the finger at poor advice given to them from second rate lawyers, but the Jackson family are a wacky bunch of loons, so they?ll end up passing the buck to sunshine, moon light, good times and boogie.

World renowned musician and court visitor Michael Jackson was always having money problems. After blowing wads of cash on crap that wouldn't appear in Sunday newspaper supplements, the king of pop died in a lot of debt.

You?d therefore expect the Jackson clan to not follow in his footsteps and be more money-minded. That would make sense wouldn't it? But in true Jackson fashion, the other family members have made a complete mess of everything. And step forward Jermaine Jackson who is in trouble for, allegedly, slacking on child payments. The monster!

Lady Gaga Is All Janet Jackson?s Fault

August 16th, 2010 By Ralph Sanders

You know what? I've come to the conclusion that Janet Jackson is probably my favourite out of all of the ill-fated Jackson Cloning experiments of the 50s and 60s.

Face it, she isn't the one that gave her children aggressively brainless names that make them sound like they're suffering a minor stroke due to an onset of unaccountable self-aggrandisement whenever they introduce themselves, like Jermaine did. She seems like less of a manic than LaToya. And there are fewer whispered rumours of ?shedosmilia? or ?smiled smape? than the dead one.

Of course, there are about 600 failed Jackson experiments that I haven't mentioned. I didn't mention them because it's impossible for any human being to have any knowledge of more than five at a time before the urge to cease existing becomes irresistible. Having said that though, I'd be willing to bet that not one of the other hundreds of Jacksons lurking on the edge of major cities waiting for the ?go code? to be transmitted to their frontal cortex can spark civil unrest with the slightest hint of their unclothed chebs being shown on prime time television. That fact alone makes Janet the best one.

Michael Jackson Talent Show: Coming Soon

October 5th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

When famous people die, it's quite common for their devoted fans to spend months in mourning. Or in the case of Michael Jackson fans, quite probably forever.

For superstar like individuals, their memories go on forever. In Michael?s case, it will be through his music and various court cases.

Despite kicking the bucket in June, Michael Jackson is still all over the news. This time, it's all about a tribute TV show about him. Whilst we thought the Bo Selecta program was good enough, people still want more. And so Jermaine Jackson is set to host a brand new show for BBC 3 where he aims to find people who can quite literally moonwalk the bum out of the dancefloor.

Michael Jackson Tribute: Don’t Worry, Vienna’s On It

August 12th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

The saddest thing about Michael Jackson’s death is probably the complete lack of attention that it received.

There was only a memorial concert. Oh, and endless wall-to-wall radio tributes. And that film that’s coming out soon. And a hastily-compiled greatest hits CD. And more ropey-looking unofficial market stall T-shirts than you could count. But that’s it.

So thank God for Jermaine Jackson, because he’s planning a tribute show for Michael Jackson in Vienna. We’re guessing that its working title is ‘Jermaine Jackson Presents Jermaine Jackson And The Jermaine Jackson Allstars In Jermaine Jackson’s Tribute To Michael Jackson (Starring Jermaine Jackson)’.

Let’s Replace Michael With Another Jackson!

August 7th, 2012 By Josh Burt

Like most of the planet, we’ve spent the last few weeks weeping hysterically along to the words of Dirty Diana, or turning up at beat poetry nights to deliver a sobbed version of Billie Jean with a simple bass drum accompaniment.

Our grief, it seemed, was never going to end. At one point we even considered having Michael Jackson‘s strange clown face tattooed onto our own faces, so that we could spend the rest of our lives singing Man in the Mirror in front of a mirror. To the man in the mirror.

And then we realised two things. Firstly, we realised that we prefer Prince. Secondly, there are lots of other Jacksons to fall in love with. “Could one of them replace Michael?” we whispered to a passing old man. His silence told us everything we needed to know. Yes. One of them could. But which one?

No, Really: Jackson Five To Tour Next Year, Honest

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

For years the world has thought that a Jackson Five reunion would be impossible, not least because nobody can imagine going to watch a gang of rickety old child-stars limping through Rockin' Robin fronted by a frail alabaster ghoul.

However, the world clearly doesn't have the self-belief of Jermaine Jackson, because he's decided that this exact tactic is what will make him successful again. According to Jermaine Jackson, the Jackson Five will reform and play some shows next year, with Michael Jackson firmly in place as a member of the group. But, accounting for Michael Jackson's notorious flakiness, Jermaine Jackson has drafted in a few Jackson Five understudies as a contingency should Michael Jackson pull out. And who wouldn't want to see a reunited Jackson Five with Samuel L Jackson, Randy Jackson or noted long-dead American organic chemist Charles Loring Jackson singing all of Michael's parts?