Articles tagged with: Jennifer Garner
It’s hard not to feel jealous of Ricky Gervais, since he seems to have Hollywood in the palm of his hand. Not content with appearing in any old cinematic guff swimming out our shores, one cheeky snaggletooth smile and he is whisked away to star in… well, any old guff swimming out of the US. Alas, the man from sunny Reading has managed to attract a whole host of star-wattage toward his latest project - The Invention of Lying. Taking on co-writing and co-directing duties, not to mention starring in the film, you may think that this film is just a rehash of 90’s Jim Carrey vehicle Liar Liar.
Keep this to yourself, but we're starting to get a tiny bit worried about Ben Affleck - specifically his arseholeishness. Ben Affleck's arseholeishness has been proven in his film choices, his J-Lo relationship and his fondness for schoolboy deodorant commercials. But lately there's been less arseholeishness - first he directed a film that wasn't horrible, and now he's given his new daughter a non-horrible name. Ben Affleck's new daughter is called Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck. An only slightly weird name followed by two normal alternatives? We pray that Jennifer Garner chose the name - a reality where Ben Affleck isn't an arsehole is too horrible to consider.
It's been a week since Jennifer Garner went to hospital to give birth to Ben Affleck's baby - so what was the hold up? We're pretty sure that it was one of the following two scenarios: 1) Jennifer Garner's baby refused to come out until it was promised a helicopter and a suitcase of money, and an FBI negotiator had to talk it down to a scooter and a shiny penny, or 2) Jennifer Garner's baby realised that Ben Affleck was its father and decided to stick it out in the womb. Either way, Jennifer Garner had a baby girl yesterday. So there.
Jennifer Garner has more reason than most to celebrate 2009 - and not just because it's a year potentially free of Gary Busey's pervy spittle. No, apparently Jennifer Garner is having a baby. Or she's had a baby. Or she's about to have a baby. Nobody really seems to know. Jennifer Garner checked into a hospital on New Year's Eve with Ben Affleck, and she's darned if she's not coming out without a baby. So congratulations to Jennifer Garner. And double congratulations if the baby ends up more like you than Ben Affleck. And triple congratulations if he's not the father. Happy new year!
We can all say that we've had visions where Jennifer Garner gets beaten by an angry mob due to her belief in Jesus, can't we? No? Most of us? No, not most of us either? Some of us have had visions of Jennifer Garner being persecuted by a mob for believing in Jesus? No? Not even some of us? Just Jennifer Garner's psychiatric patient stalker Steven Burky, then? Oh. Well, it's just a shame that Steven Burky won't get to warn Jennifer Garner of his vision, then, because Garner has just taken out a court order claiming that she's living in mortal fear of him. So let's just hope that Jennifer Garner doesn't end up being assaulted by a violent mob because of her faith in Jesus Christ, because if she does, Jennifer Garner is going to end up looking pretty bloody stupid.
Quickly - who won at the Oscars this year? You can't remember, can you.
It's OK, nor can anyone. Because this year, the Oscars weren't about stupid things like 'films' and 'artistic excellence' - they were about Gary Busey drooling all over Jennifer Garner's neck until she looked like she was about to cry.
And now, about six weeks after everyone forgot that he even did it, Gary Busey has issued a statement apologising to Jennifer Garner for any distress he caused. Apparently he was aiming his spittle for her cleavage or something. He didn't say that, exactly, but it'd just make sense.
Chances are you've woken up after a night out in the past and thought "Oh God, what did I do last night?"
And if that stuff you did included slathering kisses up Jennifer Garner's neck and verbally assaulting Ryan Seacrest on live global TV on the Oscars red carpet, then you probably know how Gary Busey has been feeling this week.
Except, no, you really don't. Because Gary Busey phoned Ryan Seacrest's radio show yesterday to explain his bizarre Oscars antics. And it turns out he's like that all the time.
