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Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston Tells A Joke (About Herself, Naturally)

by Stuart Heritage

Oh thank goodness. We’ve been waiting for this. Ever since Angelina Jolie was named as the world’s most powerful celebrity, we’ve been waiting.

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Jennifer Aniston: Having It Off With Another Bloke From Her Films?

by Stuart Heritage

Jennifer Aniston’s co-stars have every right to be scared. Star in a film with Jennifer Aniston and one of two things will happen.

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The Real Reason Jennifer Aniston Left John Mayer

by hecklerspray staff

Guest blog! Amy Grindhouse!

Jennifer Aniston found an ingenious reason to break up with John Mayer. Rather than just dump him for being boring, the actress dumped her partner of just over one year because he had a Twitter addiction.

Yep. Since he is such a horrid musician and not quite as wealthy as some of his Hollywood peers, John had to settle for free micro-blogging service Twitter, rather than just indulge in online ‘adult entertainment’ like any other guy.

As she was quite disgusted that her partner had spent more time online tweeting with strangers than hanging out with her, Jennifer brought the world’s most unconvincing love affair to an abrupt end.

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Top Four Embarrassing Celebrity Girlfriends

by hecklerspray staff

There was a time, probably in the 1980s and 1990s, when having a celebrity girlfriend would make you the coolest guy in the world.

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Vince Vaughn Gets Engaged To Kyla Weber, Whoever She Is

by Stuart Heritage

You know what makes Vince Vaughn horny? Property. Make Vince watch Location Location Location and he’ll start dry-humping whatever’s closest to him.

Probably. And Vince Vaughn’s possibly-fictitious property fetish goes even further – not only do we expect that he often rubs his groin up and down the kitchen section of Habitat, but he’s also just got engaged to real estate agent Kyla Weber.

Amusingly, the details of Vince Vaughn’s engagement are spectacularly vague – but all that matters is that Vince Vaughn is happy. And also that Jennifer Aniston will have definitely railroaded John Mayer into getting engaged to her by teatime.

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WEBTHUMP! Thursday 5 March 2009

by Stuart Heritage

10 – Brad Pitt advertises liquid. In Japan. Like a fool – Holymoly

9 – 24 Twitter birds, all of which are far lovelier than the original – Luclatulippe

8 – So HERE’s why U2 have been killing themselves promoting their new album – Popjustice

7 – And now, the world’s most exuberant Bon Jovi fan – Best Week Ever

6 – Some giant paper robots having a fight – Vimeo

5 – Want to make an Ottomon out of a suitcase? OK! – Instructables

4 – There’s a Twilight board game. We’re scared – The Hater

3 – Visual proof that Jennifer Aniston has left the country – Popsugar

2 – Apparently Danny Boyle is doing My Fair Lady next as well – EW

1 – How long before this appears on a commercial? Answers in milliseconds, please…

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Oscars Really Wanted That Jennifer Aniston/ Angelina Jolie Fight

by Stuart Heritage

The Oscars, while ostensibly about giving little statues to humourless men, were only really about one thing.

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Jennifer Aniston & Angelina Jolie: The Oscars Punch-Up, Sunday

by Stuart Heritage

It took a while, but we’ve finally found a reason to watch the Oscars – it involves Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie.

And sheer, unstoppable violence. After years of false starts and meticulously choreographed social planning, the Long-Awaited, Breathlessly-Anticipated And Borderline-Erotic Jennifer Aniston/ Angelina Jolie Catfight is due to take place at this Sunday’s Oscars.

What’ll happen when Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie finally meet? We’re guessing either a) a full-on, bloody-nosed, hair-pulling fistfight, b) some sort of awkwardly curt nodded acknowledgement of one another or c) lesbian kissing. We know we speak for all men when we say: Woohoo! Go b)!

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WEBTHUMP! Friday 13 February 2009

by Stuart Heritage

9 – A lot of things you thought were true about videogames but are actually rubbish – UGO

8 – Clive Owen loses a journalist’s money. On purpose – Esquire

7 – Ridiculously cool video of a sushi restaurant – YouTube

6 – The lovely Popsugar girls have made a Jennifer Aniston quiz. We suggest you take it – Popsugar

5 – It’s the US citizenship test. We passed it. Now give us our hamburgers! – Noticias

4 – Want to make Skittles-flavoured vodka? OK! – Mixthatdrink

3 – Some horror remakes that aren’t complete balls – IGN

2 – Guess the celebrity fatty – Liquidgeneration

1 – Bee porn – I Am Bored

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Jennifer Aniston Realises That She’s Old

by Stuart Heritage

Turning 40 isn’t a nice experience, but Jennifer Aniston turning 40 isn’t a nice experience for anybody.

And we all know why. On a good day Jennifer Aniston has the ability to irritate everyone by bleating about how much she doesn’t like having her picture taken or whichever one of her co-stars she’s currently rogering, so on a bad day – a day like the day that’s five days away from her 40th birthday when she just happens to find a grey hair – imagine how unbearable Jennifer Aniston is.

Here’s a clue – she’s given us a headache, a nosebleed and some genuinely crippling diarrhoea.

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