Articles tagged with: Jennifer Aniston
Oscars: Jennifer Aniston Wants To Rub Angelina’s Nose In It
Since there's no Rubbish Lowbrow Dog Movie category, you might think that Jennifer Aniston doesn't care about the Oscars. But you'd be completely wrong. Jennifer Aniston does care about the Oscars. She cares about the Oscars so much that she's going to present an award at this year's ceremony. Why? Is it because Jennifer Aniston is a dedicated student of acting who wants to help recognise excellence in filmmaking? No, it's because Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be there and Jennifer Aniston wants to swan about in a little dress in front of them, cackling like a witch. Obviously.
Since there's no Rubbish Lowbrow Dog Movie category, you might think that Jennifer Aniston doesn't care about the Oscars. But you'd be completely wrong. Jennifer Aniston does care about the Oscars. She cares about the Oscars so much that she's going to present an award at this year's ceremony. Why? Is it because Jennifer Aniston is a dedicated student of acting who wants to help recognise excellence in filmmaking? No, it's because Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be there and Jennifer Aniston wants to swan about in a little dress in front of them, cackling like a witch. Obviously.
Brad Pitt Loves Jennifer Aniston AND Angelina Jolie, Apparently
Would you consider yourself a part of Team Aniston? Or maybe Team Jolie? Or maybe Team Picking Sides About People I'll Never Meet Is Obviously Moronic? Well, look. It doesn't matter. There's only one team now, and that's Team Pitt. And, trust us, everyone's on Team Pitt. Angelina Jolie's on Team Pitt, Jennifer Aniston's on Team Pitt. And so are you. Just don't expect an invite to the orgy. Brad Pitt has just done an interview with W magazine where he manages to defend both Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie because he cares for them both. Also, he's got a film out.
Would you consider yourself a part of Team Aniston? Or maybe Team Jolie? Or maybe Team Picking Sides About People I'll Never Meet Is Obviously Moronic? Well, look. It doesn't matter. There's only one team now, and that's Team Pitt. And, trust us, everyone's on Team Pitt. Angelina Jolie's on Team Pitt, Jennifer Aniston's on Team Pitt. And so are you. Just don't expect an invite to the orgy. Brad Pitt has just done an interview with W magazine where he manages to defend both Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie because he cares for them both. Also, he's got a film out.
Jennifer Aniston Must Never Be Single, Apparently
Going to a party alone can be hard sometimes - especially if it's your party and everyone is desperate for you to fail. So Jennifer Aniston wasn't taking any chances when it came to her Marley And Me premiere recently. Although she's going out with a boy who looks like her nephew, Jennifer Aniston wanted to make damn sure that she wouldn't go to her premiere alone. That's why Jennifer Aniston reportedly got her agents to find some famous actors who'd act as her standby boyfriend if John Mayer dropped out. And, to be fair, they'd all probably be more convincing than John Mayer.
Going to a party alone can be hard sometimes - especially if it's your party and everyone is desperate for you to fail. So Jennifer Aniston wasn't taking any chances when it came to her Marley And Me premiere recently. Although she's going out with a boy who looks like her nephew, Jennifer Aniston wanted to make damn sure that she wouldn't go to her premiere alone. That's why Jennifer Aniston reportedly got her agents to find some famous actors who'd act as her standby boyfriend if John Mayer dropped out. And, to be fair, they'd all probably be more convincing than John Mayer.
Jennifer Aniston Naked, Also For The Animals (A Bit)
Here's some celebrity maths: Jennifer Aniston + family movie about an adorable dog = naked Jennifer Aniston. It's obvious! Jennifer Aniston is promoting a film that's primarily aimed at children, so it's obvious she'd end up naked on the front of GQ magazine. Really, this is just like when Jodie Foster got her bum out to promote Nim's Island or when the entire cast of that Narnia film guest-edited that issue of Fat Filthy Knockers magazine. But, of course, Jennifer Aniston isn't just naked in GQ for her film - it's also to show everyone that she's happy. Happy! She's happy, OK? HAPPY!
Here's some celebrity maths: Jennifer Aniston + family movie about an adorable dog = naked Jennifer Aniston. It's obvious! Jennifer Aniston is promoting a film that's primarily aimed at children, so it's obvious she'd end up naked on the front of GQ magazine. Really, this is just like when Jodie Foster got her bum out to promote Nim's Island or when the entire cast of that Narnia film guest-edited that issue of Fat Filthy Knockers magazine. But, of course, Jennifer Aniston isn't just naked in GQ for her film - it's also to show everyone that she's happy. Happy! She's happy, OK? HAPPY!
Jennifer Aniston: “Give Me Babies! BABIES!”
You hear that deafening crash every couple of seconds? Yeah, ignore it, it's just Jennifer Aniston's biological clock going off. You see, Jennifer Aniston has told EW that although all the speculation over her supposed pregnancy turned out to be completely false, she's still 'longing' to experience motherhood because motherhood is 'definitely in her future'. So if we were John Mayer, we'd think about getting our bloody act together. Keep her waiting for a baby much longer and it seems likely that Jennifer Aniston will start nicking kids out of pushchairs in shopping centres, and he won't want that on his conscience.
You hear that deafening crash every couple of seconds? Yeah, ignore it, it's just Jennifer Aniston's biological clock going off. You see, Jennifer Aniston has told EW that although all the speculation over her supposed pregnancy turned out to be completely false, she's still 'longing' to experience motherhood because motherhood is 'definitely in her future'. So if we were John Mayer, we'd think about getting our bloody act together. Keep her waiting for a baby much longer and it seems likely that Jennifer Aniston will start nicking kids out of pushchairs in shopping centres, and he won't want that on his conscience.
Angelina Jolie Quits Acting To Pursue Full-Time Sanctimony
Team Aniston, it's time to get the bunting out; your girl has won - Angelina Jolie has decided to retire from acting. True, Angelina Jolie may have only hinted at an eventual retirement some time in the future, and only because fame no longer provides the same spiritual nourishment as raising a family or being committed to charitable work. Nevertheless, the message is clear - Angelina Jolie is quitting acting because Jennifer Aniston called her uncool this week. Great, that's just what we need - a power-crazed Jennifer Aniston. Now that she knows what can happen when she deploys the word 'uncool', we doubt very much that she'll stop at Angelina Jolie. All we'll say is this - don't be surprised if Vince Vaughn suddenly decides to retire from acting as well or if, you know, Brad Pitt develops a horrible wasting disease on his penis. Or something.
Team Aniston, it's time to get the bunting out; your girl has won - Angelina Jolie has decided to retire from acting. True, Angelina Jolie may have only hinted at an eventual retirement some time in the future, and only because fame no longer provides the same spiritual nourishment as raising a family or being committed to charitable work. Nevertheless, the message is clear - Angelina Jolie is quitting acting because Jennifer Aniston called her uncool this week. Great, that's just what we need - a power-crazed Jennifer Aniston. Now that she knows what can happen when she deploys the word 'uncool', we doubt very much that she'll stop at Angelina Jolie. All we'll say is this - don't be surprised if Vince Vaughn suddenly decides to retire from acting as well or if, you know, Brad Pitt develops a horrible wasting disease on his penis. Or something.
Jennifer Aniston On Brad Pitt: Dear God, There’s More
Jennifer Aniston might have insulted Angelina Jolie in public this week, but that doesn't mean she's not a good person. Because she is. Jennifer Aniston's 'uncool' comment about Angelina Jolie just came from the anger of having her husband stolen away by another woman. And, despite that, Jennifer Aniston still has nothing but nice words to say about Brad Pitt. On Oprah. Just before a new film of hers opens. That woman's a saint. Jennifer Aniston told Oprah that she thinks Brad Pitt is 'great'. She harbours no bad feelings towards him, even though they both have movies coming out on the same day. And, in the spirit of good sportsmanship, Jennifer Aniston even refused to say whose film she thought was better - Brad Pitt's elegant adaptation of a classic F Scott Fitzgerald text, or her own movie about a naughty dog who eats a man's cake and is funny.
Jennifer Aniston might have insulted Angelina Jolie in public this week, but that doesn't mean she's not a good person. Because she is. Jennifer Aniston's 'uncool' comment about Angelina Jolie just came from the anger of having her husband stolen away by another woman. And, despite that, Jennifer Aniston still has nothing but nice words to say about Brad Pitt. On Oprah. Just before a new film of hers opens. That woman's a saint. Jennifer Aniston told Oprah that she thinks Brad Pitt is 'great'. She harbours no bad feelings towards him, even though they both have movies coming out on the same day. And, in the spirit of good sportsmanship, Jennifer Aniston even refused to say whose film she thought was better - Brad Pitt's elegant adaptation of a classic F Scott Fitzgerald text, or her own movie about a naughty dog who eats a man's cake and is funny.
Jennifer Aniston On Angelina Jolie: Essentially “WOOOARRRGH!”
Jennifer Aniston isn't someone you mess with, unless you enjoy four years of nothing followed by one sentence in a magazine. Just look at Angelina Jolie. She wronged Jennifer Aniston in the most hurtful way possible, by stealing Brad Pitt from her on the set of Mr & Mrs Smith, and now, several years later, Jennifer Aniston has decided that she's spoiling for a fight. In the new issue of Vogue, Aniston has described Angelina Jolie as "really uncool." These words are bound to upset Angelina Jolie, especially since Jennifer Aniston wasn't even talking about the Brad Pitt thing - instead she was describing Angelina's Dunlop trainers, 1980s adoption of the failed Betamax video system and her abiding love of the music of Jamiroquai. Lord knows how Angelina Jolie will react to this - chances are she's going to write the word 'SKANK' on Jennifer Aniston's geography coursebook or something.
Jennifer Aniston isn't someone you mess with, unless you enjoy four years of nothing followed by one sentence in a magazine. Just look at Angelina Jolie. She wronged Jennifer Aniston in the most hurtful way possible, by stealing Brad Pitt from her on the set of Mr & Mrs Smith, and now, several years later, Jennifer Aniston has decided that she's spoiling for a fight. In the new issue of Vogue, Aniston has described Angelina Jolie as "really uncool." These words are bound to upset Angelina Jolie, especially since Jennifer Aniston wasn't even talking about the Brad Pitt thing - instead she was describing Angelina's Dunlop trainers, 1980s adoption of the failed Betamax video system and her abiding love of the music of Jamiroquai. Lord knows how Angelina Jolie will react to this - chances are she's going to write the word 'SKANK' on Jennifer Aniston's geography coursebook or something.
