Iggy Pop impersonator Jennifer Aniston has gone on record to pooh-pooh the constant merry-go-round of slack-jawed speculation about her six-year-dead marriage to professional handsomeness salesman Brad Pitt, and her supposed feud with terrifying hose beast Angelina Jolie.
When Instyle US magazine asked Jennifer which misconception about her she finds most irritating, they were probably expecting her to come out with a light hearted quip about “people think I’m really like Rachel from Friends LOL I’m still milking that dry dry udder!”
However, she actually went on a sort of rambly rant about her divorce.
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Angelina Jolie is believed to be going spastic at recent reports that Brad Pitt might be having “a bit laugh and carry on” with a mystery woman on the set of his new film.
However, these ‘beliefs’ and ‘reports’ are coming from a turgid UK rag owned by pornography-king Richard Desmond, and there seems to be a bit of a cloud hanging over our tabloid press at the minute. We’re not convinced of any Woodward and Bernstein –style investigative journalism at work.
However, there is a photo of a woman touching his arm. Yes, you heard right. The dirty swine. His ARM is absolutely up to its nuts in hand BLART.
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The fun thing about celebrities is that they’re always allegedly doing stuff. They’re allegedly always snorting lines of good quality drugs, reportedly getting hammered and punching their wives or allegedly having an affair with a woman on twitter and knocking up quick superinjunctions.
However, when it comes to Jennifer Aniston, she’s always allegedly doing absolutely nothing. She just stands there, like a hatstand, crying about her dead dog.
And now, the latest thing Aniston isn’t doing is dating some no-mark called Justin Theroux. Her representative is going around quashing the rumours and denying the chance of any sort of romantic link, meaning that they’re the busy person in Hollywood for simply saying “Nope, nothing to see here” all the time.
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In news that will rock with world, as we saw when Michael Jackson decided to have too much Propofol, it brings us absolutely no pleasure to tell you that Norman, Jennifer Aniston’s Welsh corgi-terrier mix, has died at the age of 15. He is survived by around half-a-dozen other Welsh corgi-terrier mixes from the same litter.
The dog, said to be behind the split of Aniston and Brad Pitt, accompanied the actress on location and everywhere else, and was noted for his penchant for bitches and suffered from an alcohol problem for many years.
In recent years, Norman has had complications in his constitution thank to his hell-raising and the onset of old age.
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When fame starts to desert you and the good scripts stop landing on the desk of your agent, if you’re a glamorous Hollywood lady, there’s only one thing left to do – and that’s to unleash your gym-honed breasts on an unsuspecting public.
And after years and years of doing tasteful/tame nude photoshoots and having the most erect nipples in sitcom history, Jennifer Aniston is doing exactly that in new comedy flick, Horrible Bosses.
Not only that, but she’s going to fellate some fruit as well, just so you onanists can really pound the meat if 42 year old women are your thing.
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What is the point of Adam Sandler? Sure, there was a time when his mongrel-like face, annoying laugh and humour as subtle as getting diarrhoea in a library was kind-of-okay and sorta charming, but now he’s officially gone too far.
That manchild routine may have been acceptable in the ’90s, but it’s 2011 and mass audiences will not put up with his crap anymore.
OK that’s a lie; his films always gross an obscene amount of money which convince people to finance his future films and leave those with any sort of taste weeping in the corner while trying to understand why the world is such a depressing place.
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Imagine yourself standing at a dressing room door. On the other side of it is Jennifer Aniston. She’s doing one of two thing. She’s either crying as usual or, she’s getting dressed. That means you shouldn’t waltz in unless you’re beckoned or Conan O’Brien.
And this story concerns the latter. O’Brien, with his head that resembles a knee-join coupled with a haircut that looks like a wig designed for a man with a head the size of sperm whale’s ballbag, decided to stroll into Aniston’s dressing room.
This time, she wasn’t say there weeping, but hitching her knickers up while wearing nothing else. Get a good look Conan? Did you? WELL DID YOU?
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Apart from some really woeful photoshop jobs and some rubbish paparazzi shots, Jennifer Aniston has only ever given us sideboob and taken her shirt off with her back to us. Of course, that’s not to say she hasn’t flaunted her chest in the past. She seemingly spent three whole series of Friends with erect nipples and no bra on, leaving hallow faced onanists to squint their eyes up nightly.
Well, wonder no more. Apart from taking her top off to promote her new perfume, she’ll be getting them out for a new film of hers, if rumours are to be believed.
Aniston, who unbelievably, is 41-years-old, will derobe for the first time in her celluloid career as part of the Judd Apatow-produced comedy Wanderlust. Read More >>>
