Basshunter, the lovable dance DJ behind such songs as ‘Now You’re Gone’ and… erm… that other one he did, which seem designed to make your brain bleed with hate, has appeared in court in Kircaldy to deny two allegations of sexual assault.
That’s right, the man who followed Ronnie Wood’s former missus, Ekaterina Ivanova, around like a little lost puppy with a somewhat creepy look in his eye is alleged to have sexually assaulted a couple of girls in a nightclub in Fife.
Maybe she was right to keep him at arms length, mind you if you’d been allegedly battered by your ex you’d probably try to keep strange men at more than an arms length, just to be on the safe side. Read More >>>
Say whatever you like about Guy Ritchie, but never suggest that he doesn’t like women with stupid accents.
Because that’s incontestable fact. Until recently Guy Ritchie was married to Madonna, whose bizarre mid-Atlantic accent made her sound exactly like Lloyd Grossman choking on grape skins – and now it’s been rumoured that he’s hooked up with Jemima Khan, the horsey aristocrat who used to go out with Hugh Grant.
And, as we all known, Jemima Khan is so furiously posh that her voice sounds a mouse stuck up a chimney who can only communicate in vowel-sounds. Well done, Guy Ritchie.
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All those years of marriage to Madonna have done something strange to Guy Ritchie – they’ve opened him up to the possibility of love.
Or, to be more specific, they’ve opened him up to the possibility of love with immensely rich women whose plummy British accents are so ludicrous that they sound like aristocratic cats yakking up hairballs when they try to speak.
To demonstrate this, Guy Ritchie has apparently been seen ‘canoodling’ with Jemima Khan – a woman who’s basically just a singing career, an adopted African child and a wardrobe full of gruesome leotards away from actually being Madonna. Possibly.
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