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A James Bond film is maked or breaked on the villain that is cast. Get the baddie right and everything else should fall into place. Alas, there’s been a few lousy nemeses in recent years, with Bond dispatching lamos like there’s no tomorrow.
However, that’s all about to change.
That’s because, in the next Bond flick (as yet untitled), we’re going to be treated to Javier Bardem and he’s a real deal bad-ass. Could it be that we’re about to get the best Bond villain ever?
This is a catastrophe we haven’t seen the likes of for decades. It’s Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem.
They’re married. It’s a disaster. Straight boys no longer have a chance of ending up with Penelope Cruz. Straight girls no longer have a chance of ending up with Javier Bardem. Gay boys no longer have a chance of ending up with Javier Bardem. Gay girls no longer have a chance of ending up with Penelope Cruz. Admittedly none of us ever had a chance with either of them, because they’re glamorous and beautiful and we’re all pale and lumpy and ill-looking, but the point still stands.
And Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem will probably have angelic kids as well. We hate them both SO MUCH.
Good news – Penelope Cruz has got engaged to her Vicky Cristina Barcelona co-star. Bad news – it’s not Scarlett Johansson.
But we’ll let you imagine that for a moment anyway. Perverts. Anyway, it turns out that in actual fact Penelope Cruz has got engaged to Javier Bardem, even though two months ago she was busy telling magazines that she’d never get married.
But congratulations to Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem anyway. They’ve both got so much in common – they’re both Spanish, for starters, and they’ve both had sex with Scarlett Johansson in a movie. Christ, why can’t we leave that alone?
The history of cinema has given us many a bad haircut over the years.
Cameron Diaz in Being John Malkovich, Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci Code and Nicholas Cage in pretty much everything since the turn of the millennium. Never before though has someone with such a bad haircut been so terrifying and menacing than Chigurh, played by Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men.
