japan - HecklerSpray

5 Japanese Movies That Are Either Brilliant or Completely Insane

September 20th, 2012 By Gavin Bard

Japan; land of the rising sun, home of some of the most advanced technology in the world, and a place where you can buy school girl’s used panties in a vending machine while watching a cute animated character get eviscerated on network television at 5 o’clock in the evening.

Their major cities have more neon skyscrapers than a William Gibson fever dream, and their shadows are dotted with ancient shrines. They blur the naughty bits out of their porn, but their entertainment is among the most outlandishly violent in the world.

It is this dichotomy that makes Japan so damn interesting ? and so damn hard for the rest of us to understand.

Katy Perry Lambasts Her Selfish Christian Parents While Talking About Split With Russell Brand

January 9th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Christians eh? They never say the right thing do they? That’s probably because they seek advice from a made-up God. You may as well ask Sooty to whisper wisdom in your ear or seek teachings from the sound of a conch shell.

And two Christians – notably the ones that gave birth to Katy Perry – have irritated their famous daughter by saying that her split with Russell Brand ain’t all bad because, as a result, there’s been increased interest in their missionary.

How delightful. Of course, the outspoken Katy isn’t having that and has tweeted a missive against them, or so it seems. It’s okay though. She can say what she wants. That’s because Christians are contractually obliged to forgive everyone, no matter what.

Did Russell Brand Quit Katy Perry Because Of Her Having An Affair With Rihanna?

January 4th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

When an ex-serial sex pest and constantly touring pop star get married, you can be assured that everything will end happily ever after, can't you? With constant media coverage covering their every move like they're some sort of wild animal, what could go wrong for Katy Perry and Russell Brand?

You have to question the actions of a couple who haven't been together long since their Hindu ceremony just over a year ago. Not because we have anything against a religion that prays to elephants, but Katy Perry?s parents are devout Christians. So you'd at least think that her folks would want God to give the thumbs up over Ganesha.

As of yet, there have been no reasons given as to why the marriage collapsed. But before anyone suggests that the two simply drifted apart, wild theories are already being thrown around. Of course, we're inclined to believe them, so imagine our surprise that Rihanna?s name has been named as one of the rotters who messed everything up.

Everyone Now Quite Desperate For Katy Perry And Russell Brand To Split

December 29th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Hey! Did you hear about Russell Brand and Katy Perry spending Christmas away from each other? They haven’t been married very long have they? You’d think they’d want to spend the festives (aka Some Time Off Work) together, right?

Well, aside from the myriad of perfectly legitimate reasons why this happened, they’re quite obviously splitting up.

Why? Because that’s what everyone wants. Basically, they’ve got the temerity to appear rather fond of each other. Mercifully, there’s a source on-hand to tell us all otherwise, which is incredibly convenient.

Katy Perry Isn’t Pregnant Because She’s Not Actually Sexually Attracted To Russell Brand

November 22nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

When celebrities get married, everyone turns into meddling grandmas, demanding offspring because our lives are so hopelessly empty that we need that brief moment of alleviating joy, lived vicariously through someone else.

Christ knows no-one wants to actually have sex with us, let alone have our children, right?

And the latest couple getting their groins shoved toward each other are Katy Perry and Russell Brand. They basically look like they’re having far too much fun as a couple and, as such, we must make them mature into parents… indeed, we must halt their leisure time immediately with shitty nappies, sleepless nights and silent seething.

Linkin Park Go To Japan’s Schools, Japanese Wish Tsunami Had Wiped Them Out

September 29th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

In Japan, it’s pretty frowned upon to commit suicide. So what can they do when faced with the unswerving self loathing that is brought about by meeting Linkin Park?

You can wish that the (awful, awful, awful) tsunami and earthquake combo had actually killed everyone in the country!

And what were Linkin Park doing in the land of the rising sun? They were bothering school children because they’re heartless monsters!

Russell Brand Upsets Every Single Disabled Person On Earth

September 12th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Russell Brand has opened his mouth and let a load of words come out that have made disabled people either cry, or want to viciously beat him up with their angry, angry fists.

Has he ill-advisedly said that Katy Perry looks ‘a bit special sometimes’?

NO! Don’t be an idiot. He’s called Paralympic athletes ?novelty ?value?, which is nice of him isn’t it? This, naturally, has made a thousand unprintable jokes run through the head of team ‘spray which is most infuriating.

Lady GaGa Accused Of Stealing From The Corpses Of Japan

June 28th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Lady Gaga has been praised for raising awareness for relief efforts in sorting Japan out after the dreadful tsunami that struck the country down. However, like the world’s most weirdly dressed graverobber, she’s been accused of pocketing a load of money that should’ve gone to blighted country.

Less Bad Romance and more bad finance. Sorry. That’s easily the worst joke we’ve ever written.

Anyway, there’s some federal class action lawsuiting going on which is pointing at Gaga and saying that she’s jacked up the shipping costs on the “We Pray for Japan” wristbands she was flogging and keeping a portion of the profits herself, despite saying that all proceeds would go to directly to relief efforts. In fairness, she has a very expensive wardrobe to pay for. Surely Japan doesn’t mind?

‘Sayonara Russell Brand’ Say Japanese Deportation Folks

May 23rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Russell Brand – essentially James Blunt in a long, thick, acrylic wig – has been kicked out of Japan, meaning that his stay in the East was roughly 3 seconds long. In that time, it is assumed that he told roughly 2 jokes and mugged to an imaginary camera 54,900 times.

That’s right. Japanese authorities didn’t care much for the fact that Katy Perry wanted to show her husband the sights, because they were too busy bundling him out of the country and shouting ‘don’t darken our wildly futuristic doorstep again, y’big clot!’

It is widely accepted that Brand got the heave-ho because of his past, which was mostly heroin based. Japanese authorities don’t like people who have taken drugs over a decade ago for some reason.

Justin Bieber Refuses To Tour Japan In Case Godzilla Kills Him

May 6th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Justin Bieber is fast becoming the most unreasonable little shit on the planet. He’s been seen sticking his underdeveloped little digits up at adults brandishing cameras as well as snubbing his own fans and causing chaos at holy sites.

And now, the pipsqueak popster is refusing to go to Japan, just in case he gets radiation poisoning (which might be a good thing because we don’t want this tiny git hammock to go all ‘Dr David Banner’ on us).

That’s right Japanese Beliebers. Justin and his road crew are just not interested in giving you small joy because of that recent nuclear disaster. He’s all heart isn’t he?