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Janet Jackson

Janet Jackson: Still Ill, Or Less Ill, Or Something

by Stuart Heritage

Janet Jackson’s mystery illness hasn’t got any less mysterious over the last 24 hours, but it might have gone away – unless it hasn’t.

Although Janet Jackson has left the hospital that she admitted herself to after suddenly falling ill before a concert on Monday, she’s still decided to cancel upcoming concerts in Boston and Philadelphia while she recuperates. Meanwhile, the nature of Janet Jackson’s illness has yet to be revealed.

Did you get all that? There was a lot of complex information just there, so we’ll reiterate in much simpler terms – nobody knows. Nobody knows what’s been going on with Janet Jackson. And nobody cares. Nobody knows and nobody cares. And if you care you’re an idiot. Idiot.

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Janet Jackson Suddenly Gets Poorly, Remaining Fan Upset

by Stuart Heritage

If there’s one thing more annoying than going to a Janet Jackson concert, it’s going to a Janet Jackson concert in Canada.

And if there’s one thing worse than going to a Janet Jackson concert in Canada, it’s getting ready to go to a Janet Jackson concert in Canada and then finding out you can’t because Janet Jackson’s gone and been struck by some sort of super mystery illness.

Which is what happened last night, as it happened. Five minutes before the opening act of Janet Jackson’s concert in Montreal was set to take the stage, Janet ‘suddenly fell ill’ and had to go to hospital. Nobody would say what illness Janet Jackson had, although it’s thought to be the rare Nogoodalbumsfortwodecades Syndrome. Or it might be something serious, in which case – whoops.

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Janet Jackson Launches Own Line Of Wardrobe Malfunctioning Lingerie

by Matthew Laidlow

The name Jackson has shifted meanings quite dramatically over the last few decades. In the seventies you’d know the Jacksons as that annoying bunch of kids whose songs were more infectious then the Ebola virus, while the eighties and early nineties saw Michael Jackson pull away and gain success on his own. Sadly MJ knackered [...]

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Janet Jackson Demands Babies Instantly

by Stuart Heritage

Janet Jackson’s job basically involves muttering about how sexy she is to nobody in particular in a vaguely constipated way, which must get boring.

So thank heavens that Janet Jackson has finally got broody – she wants a baby so badly that it’s all she can do not to dress up as a nurse and snatch one from a maternity ward somewhere.

That’s according to Janet’s boyfriend Jermaine Dupri, anyway. He says that Janet is so desperate for babies that they’re going to try for one the instant she finishes her upcoming tour. But why wait? if Janet Jackson wants a baby that badly she should throw caution to the wind and just cancel her shows. The fans won’t mind – if they’re Janet Jackson fans they’ll have grown used to the crushing feeling of disappointment anyway.

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The World’s Greatest Celebrity Cleavage Mishaps

by Stuart Heritage

We’re still waiting for the Discovery Channel to take up our idea for a show called When Tits Go Bad, you know.

That won’t happen any time soon – not when they could broadcast 158 episodes of How It’s Made back-to-back instead – so in the meantime we’ve found this wonderful collection of celebrity cleavage mishaps to tide us over.

It’s pretty much a joy to look at. All the usual suspects are there – Judy Finnigan’s bra exposing itself at an awards show, Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl malfunction – plus hot new upstarts like JK Rowling getting her boob groped by a balding older gentleman and a picture of Sean Maguire gawping at Michelle Ryan’s chest like a hungry baby that we’re certain will haunt us for weeks.

Take a look at the celebrity cleavage mishaps – and if you can think of a better one that hasn’t been included, you can sign in and upload them yourself. A lollipop to the first person who uploads the picture of Diddy trying to slyly glance at Jessica Biel’s knockers.

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Celebrity Cleavage Mishaps – OSOYOU

We're still waiting for the Discovery Channel to take up our idea for a show called When Tits Go Bad, you know. That won't happen any time soon - not when they could broadcast 158 episodes of How It's Made back-to-back instead - so in the meantime we've found this wonderful collection of celebrity cleavage mishaps to tide us over. It's pretty much a joy to look at. All the usual suspects are there - Judy Finnigan's bra exposing itself at an awards show, Janet Jackson's Super Bowl malfunction - plus hot new upstarts like JK Rowling getting her boob groped by a balding older gentleman and a picture of Sean Maguire gawping at Michelle Ryan's chest like a hungry baby that we're certain will haunt us for weeks. Take a look at the celebrity cleavage mishaps - and if you can think of a better one that hasn't been included, you can sign in and upload them yourself. A lollipop to the first person who uploads the picture of Diddy trying to slyly glance at Jessica Biel's knockers. Read more: Celebrity Cleavage Mishaps - OSOYOU
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Janet Jackson In ‘Slightly Ill’ Shocker

by Stuart Heritage

Minor illnesses are being massively under-represented at the moment, so let’s all thank Jesus right now that Janet Jackson is doing something about it.

You see, Janet Jackson was supposed to be performing on Saturday Night Live this week but she’s dropped out because she’s got the sniffles. Or, as she likes to call it, ‘the flu’.

A fairly serious bout of flu nonetheless, because Janet Jackson wound up in hospital because of it, but on the bright side at least by pulling out of SNL Janet Jackson has stopped an audience of millions from catching whatever degenerative brain disease you get when you’re forced to watch a fortysomething woman repeatedly try to convince you of how sexy she is to a backing of tinpot R&B fluff.

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