Janet Jackson - HecklerSpray

Janet Jackson To Marry a Qatari Billionnaire, Todd Bridges Cries Quietly

January 8th, 2013 By Chris Chambers

I always hoped, in an art-intersects-with-real-life way (term “art” used loosely),?that one day Janet Jackson would?marry the guy who played Willis on Diff’rent Strokes.

Charlene (Janet’s character)?and Willis?(played by Todd Bridges) were a nice couple and it was borderline tragic when they broke up during Season 6, no thanks to that pesky Arnold. While it still could happen … never say never … a Willis-Charlene wedding seems?less likely now?given recent reports that Janet is engaged to marry Qatari billionaire?Wissam Al Mana.

Janet Jackson Named Grinch Of The Year By PETA (Jackson Nose Job Gag Rather Dated Now)

December 30th, 2011 By Sophie Hall

Well hello there, and good tidings! But let’s just cut the small-talk here before things get all chatty-chatty like what those baby lesbians do off Coronation Street. So, Janet Jackson’s awful. ?

Hear that, Great Britain? Here that, Janet Jackson’s official fan club underneath all the wild babble?

Oh, quiet down at the front?? JanFan47?! Cease and desist 1nPHATuation! (Amazing.) PIPE DOWN Janhova_Troll_Slayer! Not our words! No! We’d never flirt with?incessant?mockery and combine that with the Jackson family, what with all that pain and despair they’ve been harboring these past few years.

Janet Jackson Designs Fur Range, Which Will No Doubt Make The Ghost Of Michael Cry

November 23rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Do you know how they make mink coats? They get a mink and shout obscenities at it – IN MINK LANGUAGE – until it cries. Then, they make then stand on their hindly mink legs until they break before men come in and kick the skin off them.

Then, worst of all, the skinless, frightened mink creatures are all forced to sew their fur together into expensive coats.

COATS DESIGNED BY JANET JACKSON WHO HATES MINKS.

Michael Jackson Jokes Banned On Janet Jackson?s Tour, Freedom Of Speech In Turmoil

October 18th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Towards the end of his dog-eared career, Michael Jackson began to resemble an eerie looking clown who’s wax face was tarnishing in a mild midday heat. See, we can say that because that's our opinion. But if you go to a concert by not-so-important Jackson sibling Janet, that right will be taken from you.

Due to popular media such as Twitter and Facebook, a group of Pete Doherty poetry loving twerps can use the power of the internet to raise their voice and stick it to the man. Yer! Peace for all and freedom for those in Tibet ? all planned over a sweatshop produced laptop whilst sipping on a Grande Latte with cinnamon swirls, lemon shots and organic camel milk.

But if you dare comment on Michael Jackson having a wonky nose at a Janet Jackson gig you may face the wrath of Joe Jackson who?ll chase you with his famous beating belt. Or as he called it, the ?dancing encourager.? But why would Janet Jackson stop us from voicing our opinion? Surely it has nothing to do with the ongoing trial of ?Sexy? Dr. Conrad Murray? Oh.

Janet Jackson Infringes The Trades Description Act With Her Number Ones Tour

March 21st, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

When buying tickets for a gig billed as ?Number Ones Tour?, you'd expect the evening to be a musical extravaganza where the arena quickly becomes a mass karaoke session with the punters singing back towards the performer.

Well, that would be correct in nearly every instance apart from when Janet Jackson is involved.

At times we sometimes forget that she is a member of the Jackson tribe because, of all the wacky gang, she ranks fairly low on the list in terms of talent and fame. Michael Jackson grabbed most of the families singing and dancing ability, leaving Janet to feed on the scraps that aren't good enough to be b-sides. Imagine our surprise when we saw a poster advertising a new Janet Jackson number one tour. We didn't realise she had enough fans to dint the top forty, let alone the number one spot.

Michael Jackson Used To Mentally Torture Janet Jackson Because He Was A Nasty Piece Of Work

February 9th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Janet Jackson has had a funny ol’ career hasn’t she? At first, she was pretty much derided and then, at some point in the ’80s, she unleashed a record that sounded like RnB as realised in a dark, dystopian future.

Then, someone cupped her boobs and she made an album that soundtracked the impregnating of millions of women. Fast-forward a chunk and there she is, in the middle of a sports arena with her tit hanging out.

It’s not surprising that our Janet is a bit messed-up in the head. She’s had some spotlight of her own and of course, had the glare of her brothers’ spotlight blinding her too. This isn’t helped by the fact that Michael ‘Oooh, he can’t do a pissing thing wrong because he did stuff for charity’ Jackson bullied the life out of her when she was little. The big shit.

Lady Gaga Is All Janet Jackson?s Fault

August 16th, 2010 By Ralph Sanders

You know what? I've come to the conclusion that Janet Jackson is probably my favourite out of all of the ill-fated Jackson Cloning experiments of the 50s and 60s.

Face it, she isn't the one that gave her children aggressively brainless names that make them sound like they're suffering a minor stroke due to an onset of unaccountable self-aggrandisement whenever they introduce themselves, like Jermaine did. She seems like less of a manic than LaToya. And there are fewer whispered rumours of ?shedosmilia? or ?smiled smape? than the dead one.

Of course, there are about 600 failed Jackson experiments that I haven't mentioned. I didn't mention them because it's impossible for any human being to have any knowledge of more than five at a time before the urge to cease existing becomes irresistible. Having said that though, I'd be willing to bet that not one of the other hundreds of Jacksons lurking on the edge of major cities waiting for the ?go code? to be transmitted to their frontal cortex can spark civil unrest with the slightest hint of their unclothed chebs being shown on prime time television. That fact alone makes Janet the best one.

Michael Jackson: Janet Jackson Blames It On The Doctor

November 17th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It’s been close to half a year, but the question still remains: what killed Michael Jackson? Was it drugs?

Was it stress? Was it drugs? Was it financial strain? Or drugs? Drugs? Was it that giant dose of medical-grade anaesthetic he was given right before he died? Could that have anything to do with Michael Jackson’s death? Anyone?

In the end, though, it doesn’t matter what we think. But it does matter what Janet Jackson thinks, because a) Michael Jackson was her brother and b) she’s got a greatest hits album out that she needs to plug. And Janet Jackson is pointing the finger squarely at Michael Jackson’s doctor.

The FCC Isn’t Done Discussing Janet Jackson’s Wardrobe Malfunction

May 5th, 2009 By Amy Grindhouse

The US court system is as flawed as any other. All countries have embarrassing and slightly odd laws that make no sense and court procedures that render even cut and dried cases utterly laughable.

The latest inexplicable venture that has made the US courts look like a boob, is Janet Jackson‘s, well, boob.

Janet Jackson?s Japanese Fans Too Poor To See Her Wardrobe Malfunctioning Tour

March 25th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

Despite our best attempts to distance ourselves from the real world in the hope that one day Jessica Rabbit will leap out of our TV and have rampant sex with us, we have to be realistic.

This is because no-one has developed a TV that can do such a thing, and also because there is some sort of financial crisis going on.

Yup, everything costs more and everyone is feeling the pain. Even the simple pleasures of life are being taken away. No more so then in Japan where Janet Jackson, the tit-bearing member of the Jackson circus, has had to cancel a few shows.