Articles tagged with: Jamie Oliver
Jamie Oliver is a passionate man. He wouldn't say that himself, mind you - he prefers the term 'passthszszthionurnk' - but he is. And right now, the subject that Jamie Oliver has decided to get most passionate of all about is British drinking culture. Jamie Oliver has told a French magazine that he's dismayed at how British people would rather get hopelessly drunk than enjoy a delicious platter of painstakingly-prepared food. No shit Sherlock. Have you ever tried throwing a chair through a pub window after eating a big roast dinner? You'd be lucky not to get a stitch. Jamie Oliver, you really are an enormous goon.
We're a bunch of inventors here at hecklerspray, you know.
It's just a goshdarn crying shame that the UK Patent Office has yet to realise our genius. Okay, okay... so we never actually tested that time machine made of potatoes. And, sure, that teleportation system that runs entirely on warthog urine is only hypothetical. But - seriously - give us a break, guys. Do you think medicines are tested out before they're released? Maybe on, like, animals or something? Yeah, right - give us a call when the spaceship lands, you nutters.
This whole invention malarkey is good for one thing, though - it's gone and given us another reason to hate omnipresent TV chef Jamie Oliver.
It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong. Or a normal-sized man inexplicably born with a floppy tongue the size of a cow's, at least.
By which we mean Jamie Oliver. As you all probably know, Jamie Oliver's latest campaign has been to make a sort of middle-class poultry snuff film called Jamie's Fowl Dinners all about the horrific mistreatment of battery chickens, and part of that campaign has involved Jamie lashing out at Sainsbury's.
And then, um, realising that Sainsbury's pays him £1.2 million a year to wank about flogging mince pies, causing him to backtrack spectacularly in case he upset his bosses.
There's nothing that Jamie Oliver likes more than a good campaign - the campaign for better school dinners, the campaign to train the disadvantaged to be chefs, the campaign for titting around advertising Sainsbury's surrounded by elves.
But they're all old-hat, because Jamie Oliver wants to campaign for something more raw, something more visceral, something that'll frighten the general British public into never eating ever again. That's right - Jamie Oliver is going head-to-head with the battery-farmed chicken industry. In a one-off Channel 4 show - Jamie's Fowl Dinners - to be broadcast next year, Jamie Oliver is promising to graphically demonstrate the battery-farmed chicken's rearing process. Fingers crossed this will involve Jamie Oliver being shut in a tiny, airless, artificially-lit box for the rest of his life where he'll be forced to breath his own shit-fumes until a farmer cuts off his nose and mouth.
We don't know about you, but it'd certainly be the only way we'd learn.
