Well that’s it. Are you happy now, media? Tiger Woods has quit golf for an indefinite period of time.
Do you know the implications of this? It means next year we’ll have to buy a videogame entitled Jim Furyk PGA Tour 2011. Worse still, you know who’s probably going to start selling us razors from now on? Golfing journeyman Billy Mayfair. Billy Mayfair! And we don’t even know who that is. It’s a disgrace.
Someone needs to take the blame and apologise for all this, but who? Don’t go looking at Jamie Jungers, who you may remember as alleged Tiger Woods mistress #6. She’s decided to be hilariously unrepentant about everything.
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We should point out that six was the correct number of alleged Tiger Wood mistresses at time of writing.
It could be more by now. If you’re reading this next week or tomorrow or three minutes after it was published, we’re fairly sure that the number will have risen. And if you’re reading this next month, you might have managed to have your own clandestine affair with Tiger Woods, too. He does seem to be trying to sleep with everyone on the planet, after all.
And if reports are to be believed, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Which, incidentally, is possibly Tiger Woods’s chat-up line. No, we’ve grossed ourselves out now. Too far.
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