When looking for someone to act as the once-prodigious, now-dead Jeff Buckley why not go for talent on the level of Robert Pattinson?

After all, he is an actor lacking any discernable passion, he is attractive in a thoroughly mediocre way and he’s generally a bit crap.

It’s a perfect fit for the lead role in the still-vaunted biopic of Jeff Buckley. Especially if Pattinson is into method acting and decides to do his own stunts. In the drowning scene.

Too harsh?

Okay, maybe we don’t want Robert Pattinson dead simply for wanting to play Jeff Buckley – after all, he is just a middle-of-the-road acting type, who only achieved fame by starring in some truly awful films that appeal to children and idiots.

And after all, he only wants to play a middle-of-the-road singer, who only achieved popularity through being both dead and associated with The X Factor.

It’s a partnership for the ages.

In fact, maybe the film will feature Buckley as he is right now, thus taking complete advantage of Pattinson’s “lifeless corpse” acting the manchild employs in so much of his work. The charisma on show would be sure to be palpable.

As reported on Digital Spy, Buckley’s mum said these words:

“Whoever gets the part will need a lot of self-discipline because they won’t be able to fake it. It’s going to take a phenomenal set of skills.”

So it’s going to need real talent as well as acting talent? Ah. Robert Pattinson is probably out then. This would mean the other hopefuls – Jared Leto, James Franco and James Marsden – should probably be struck off the list along with Captain Flatface.

Though, to be fair, at least he doesn’t smell. Even if all of his time will be taken up bathing in tween urine and making dozens of incredibly dull vampire films.

The quest to rape the memory of a reasonably-talented songmeister who had a ridiculously short life continues apace.

Reports that X Factor winner Alexandra Burke was set to feature in a DVD extra where she takes a steaming dump on the grave of Buckley while chanting “hallelujah” were unconfirmed at the time of writing.

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