Articles tagged with: james bond
Think that A Quantum Of Solace is a crappy name for a James Bond title? Perhaps it'll make more sense when it's bellowed by a 67-year-old shouting midget with no real sense of subtlety.
You guessed it - Al Pacino is going to star in the new James Bond movie A Quantum Of Solace.
Thank God for that - after spending weeks fretting over the quality of the new James Bond film, it looks like all our fears were misplaced. Now that Al Pacino has signed up for a role in A Quantum Of Solace, we're confident that it'll be at least as good as Ocean's Thirteen. Phew, right?
Must be hard not to patronise people when you are James Bond.
When you can basically do anything, kill anything and shag anything while in the middle of saving the world, it can't be easy making small talk with us mere mortals. Usually, he tries to disguise it with terrible puns. Shocking! But every now and again he slips up (mainly on Roger Moore's watch).
Like women, fast cars and Martinis, he just can't help himself. There are many we could mention, but we have decided to cut them down to just five:
You heard right - there's a competition to write the theme-tune to the new James Bond. Relax, nobody wants you to write the theme-tune to new James Bond film A Quantum Of Solace - the least rhymable 007 movie ...
Still trying to work out why anyone on Earth would want to call anything - let alone a movie costing hundreds of millions of dollars - A Quantum Of Solace?
Us too. It's been almost a week since the new James Bond movie was officially given the title A Quantum Of Solace, and it hasn't got any less rubbish in the interim.
But fear not, because Daniel Craig has started to do interviews about A Quantum Of Solace in the hope that people will start saying "A Quantum Of Solace" so much soon that it'll lose all meaning and everyone will forget how godawful it actually is.
The title of the new James Bond film has just been announced, and it's so bad we think we might cry.
Quantum Of Solace. There. The new James Bond movie will be called Quantum Of Solace. That's what the combined brainpower of an Oscar-winning writer, two veteran James Bond writers and a team of expert producers have come up with. Quantum Of Solace. Titting Quantum Of Solace. Christ.
Useless. Everyone knows that all James Bond movie titles should be based on a popular saying with the word 'Die' where the word 'Live' should be while containing at least one weak pun about vaginas, and this bugger doesn't even do any of that.
The announcement has been a long time coming, but finally the Bond girl to star alongside Daniel Craig in the upcoming 007 movie is Olga Kurilenka... Olga Kurrylink... Olga Kurre... oh look, it's some Ukrainian girl.
In fact the new Bond girl's name is actually quite easy to pronounce - it's Olga Kurylenko, female star of that recent Hitman film that nobody went to see.
And if you can't pronounce 'Olga Kurylenko' now you'd better put some time in, because not only is she destined to become a big star following her Bond girl role but at some point in the next decade you'll probably wind up as some sort of cowering low-ranked manservant to an all-powerful Russian oligarch and he'll probably beat you less if you're able to say that sort of name properly.
Casino Royale. It was OK and everything, but when we think of James Bond we imagine a creaky old leather-skinned corset-wearing man huffing and puffing after baddies in a safari suit, and that isn't Daniel Craig - yet.
But, by Christ, it will be soon enough. Daniel Craig has reportedly signed a deal to keep playing James Bond for another four movies, hopefully at the end of which he'll have perfected the wheezing belly/combover combination that everyone expects from 007. But at least Daniel Craig is getting properly reimbursed for it - according to rumours, the four-movie deal he's been given will make him the highest-paid actor in Britain, which should at least mean he won't feel the need to make cock like The Invasion again.
If only James Bond was based on the life of Pierce Brosnan, things would be so much better - Tomorrow Never Dies might have included a scene where 007 rolled round a car park trying to punch a photographer in the ribs and swearing a lot.
Because, if you haven't already guessed, that's what Pierce Brosnan has been accused of doing. Malibu police are apparently investigating claims that Pierce Brosnan attacked a paparazzi photographer outside a Los Angeles restaurant on Friday after telling him to "fuck off" and "get a real fucking job." Reports that Daniel Craig plans to beat up exactly the same photographer next week in a grittier and more slightly convincing way - using less invisible cars and sky lasers - are still totally unfounded.
