You’ll all be pleased to know that singer George Michael is making good progress as he recovers from a recent bout of pneumonia in Vienna. That’s good isn’t it? He’ll be cocking around the Christmas Tree in his giant house just in time to watch the Queen’s speech, before driving off somewhere, full of festive pot and making us all throw our paper hats into the fire in disgust.
The 48 year old singer fell ill in Austria last month and breathing difficulties meant he was stuck in intensive care, while you lot ate your selection boxes early and speculated about stuff that was none of your business.
Earlier in the week boyfriend Fadi Fawaz claimed the singer would be out of hospital by December 25th and suggested there was nothing to worry about. So that’s settled then isn’t it?
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George Michael must’ve been running around the heath without his vest on because he’s gone and got himself a nice dose of pneumonia, which means that Hev from Eastenders won’t be able to go to his gigs because he went and cancelled them.
Y’know, because of the pneumonia?
George was hospitalised on Monday in Austria, so this must be a pretty bad cold he’s got. We need to know exactly how bad it is though, for a myriad of reasons. We basically need to be told whether he’s about to die or not.
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Ferris Bueller, the 80s wild child played by Matthew Broderick, only had one problem in his annoyingly perfect life, the relentless Dean of Students at his High School, Ed Rooney.
Well, Ferris’s days of running from Mr. Rooney can finally be put behind him after 14 long years as actor Jeffrey Jones was sentenced to 250 hours community service and 3 years probation for failing to update his details on the sex offenders register.
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We’re pretty sure that the intended worth of a US dollar bill directly dictates the size of paper it’s printed on. A $1 bill is regular size, a $5 is a little bigger and a $100 is twenty times the size of the five. We read this somewhere, we really did.
That said, Lindsay Lohan is about to get a bill that’ll just be perfect for snorting several hundred pounds of coke at once. If she still does that sort of thing on the far side of rehab, that is.
OK! Magazine is rumored to be offering the former parent trapper a cool one million dollars for the rights to her first post jail interview. We tend to think this true as we’ve always found the unorthodox use of exclamation points very convincing.
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The Happy Mondays are a bunch of scallies. Tony Wilson loved them for exactly that reason. Fans were the same. Your average Happy Mondays fan looked to the stage and saw a version of themselves there as opposed to some preening art-school div. However, when you follow scallies, trouble is never far away.
As such, the Freaky Dancer who once tried to convince the world that Julia Roberts tried to get off with him once, is looking at time in the jailhouse as he’s been found guilty of trying to strangle his ex-fiancée.
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Prison is no doubt filled with horrible things – throat stabbings, for instance.
Richard Hatch must have felt like a kitten in a cathouse, then, when he and his throat were allowed to finish out the rest of their incarceration from deep within his sister’s house. Hatch had probably already altered his orange jumpsuit to include velvety frills and sparkles galore when suddenly there was a pounding on the door.
It was the cops, and do you know what they did? They dragged Hatch off to a local jail, that’s what. What could he possibly have done?!
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