If this article were a Facebook page, which it’s not and never will be, it would be called “That Awkward Moment When You Realise That Jeff Brazier Probably Describes Everything He Does With An Obscure Simile”.
Naturally that would be without the minute attention to spelling and grammar that we have. We really did get that awkward, aching feeling in the pit of our collective stomach (we all share one to save money) when we read in an interview with New! Magazine that Dancing On Ice star and celebrity father Jeff Brazier “kisses like a Jedi”.
What does a statement like that even mean? Presumably Jeff was implying the finesse and poise that a Jedi Knight might employ when kissing a lady; if they were allowed. Which they’re not. Primarily because it’s against their ‘code’ and secondarily because they’re entirely fictional and no amount of wearing a hooded dressing gown and hilariously filling it in as a religion on your Census form is going to change that.
Read More >>>
Fear not everyone, science hasn’t given birth to an experimental creature that promised so much, yet delivered very little. This could have been an exciting post about some sort of weird creature that looks like a wolf, walks like a human and still humps your leg for no apparent reason.
Instead, it’s much more disappointing than that. Someone called Jeff Brazier can lick his genitals, you know like a dog. In fact, he might hump your leg for no reason, we just don’t know.
You’ll probably accuse us of reporting this because of actual news in Egypt dominating the headlines and there’s bugger else happening.We’ll be honest, we just want to make Jeff Brazier’s PR work overtime to correct the foolish remarks he’s uttered.
Read More >>>
Talk about kicking a dead horse! We think Max Clifford and Danny Hayward should get an award for zero shame after cashing in on the biggest reality circus in UK history.
Jade Goody musicals, films, books, lunchboxes, video games, lipgloss, headscarves and cosmetic smear tests - all of these hideous consumer items could be on their way to consumer orifices near you!
Business partners and friends never make good bedfellows, especially friends willing to market your rotting corpse and tragic life with disposable media. A Jade Goody musical, planned by ‘best man’ Danny Hayward is apparently in the works. Good tidings and hallelujah. Just what our pathetic populace needs: A circus with a sequel.
Read More >>>
We all know Jade Goody has tragically passed away after losing a battle against cancer.
Everyone has different opinions on how she dealt with the impending days to her death. Whilst her children now have financial security, we can’t help thinking that using the image of her crying children was a bit wrong to flog magazines.
With all the media hype finally dying down, everyone would assume the Goody family would finally ask for some privacy. But that wouldn’t be the late Jade Goody way. Everything needs to be pushed to the next level. Having Michael Jackson supposedly making an appearance at the funeral would have done just that. But it’s all bollocks supposedly.
Read More >>>
It must be bittersweet to be Jade Goody at the moment – true, she’s been diagnosed with cervical cancer, but at least she’s back on magazine covers again.
And that seems to have triggered something weird in Jade Goody’s brain. Since getting cancer has made her famous and liked again, Jade has taken it on herself to keep the momentum going by recounting awful periods of her life to various publications while photographers take pictures of her crying.
Following yesterday’s revelation that she once smoked crack in front of her mother, Jade Goody has now revealed that she was once kidnapped by a fake taxi driver. God knows what Jade will admit to tomorrow – maybe she once got sexually abused by some cattle or bought a pair of shoes made of tumours or something – but at least we know that this isn’t the most depressing Jade Goody news that we could hear. No, that’d be that they’re letting her back on the telly.
Read More >>>
Remember Jack Tweed? He was Jade Goody’s boyfriend on Celebrity Big Brother; you know – silent, wears a hat, attacks teenagers with golf clubs.
Yeah, now you remember. Anyway, Jack Tweed has just been sentenced to 18 months in prison for doing one of those things. That’s right – Jack Tweed went to prison for wearing an illegal hat. What a disturbing criminal this man is.
Oh, OK, not really. In actual fact, Jack Tweed smashed a 16-year-old boy in the face, head and chest with a golf club, the scamp . It’s terrible news for Jade Goody – first she got cancer and now Jack Tweed’s gone to jail. Still, on the plus side at least nobody’s calling her ‘Pig-faced Big Brother racist Jade Goody’ any more. That has to be worth something, right?
Read More >>>
Remember Jack Tweed? He was Jade Goody's boyfriend on Celebrity Big Brother; you know - silent, wears a hat, attacks teenagers with golf clubs.
Yeah, now you remember. Anyway, Jack Tweed has just been sentenced to 18 months in prison for doing one of those things. That's right - Jack Tweed went to prison for wearing an illegal hat. What a disturbing criminal this man is.
Oh, OK, not really. In actual fact, Jack Tweed smashed a 16-year-old boy in the face, head and chest with a golf club, the scamp . It's terrible news for Jade Goody - first she got cancer and now Jack Tweed's gone to jail. Still, on the plus side at least nobody's calling her 'Pig-faced Big Brother racist Jade Goody' any more. That has to be worth something, right?
Jade Goody – a creation of Lord God when he was either experimenting too much, or was drunk. Really, that is the only conclusion we can draw when trying to analyse and work out this woman.
Previously confined to one of London’s many gutter suburbs, her shrieking ways were projected to a far greater audience when she entered the Big Brother 3 house five years ago. Yes, that’s right: five bloody years ago.
Unlike most Big Brother contestants, this annoying cockroach didn’t lose its head after the show ended and consequently die out of the public’s view a year later. Strangely, she managed to keep a decent profile in the public eye and launched successful perfumes despite them smelling like a cross between vomit and Lynx Africa.
But when her fame did start to run out, she returned to the one thing that gave birth to her – Big Brother. In 2007 she returned as a “celebrity†and gave the show all the publicity it needed. Sadly 54,000 complaints of racial abuse wasn’t what Channel 4 had in mind.
Read More >>>
It’s that time of year again! That time when we have to tell our friends that we can’t go out because we have to sit around making notes on a stupid reality TV show until it isn’t summer any more! Yay!
Or, in other words, it’s Big Brother time again! Yay! Big Brother 9 starts on Thursday night, and before the full skull-crushing horror of that sentence hits you, let’s get you warmed up with some special Big Brother betting odds about stuff that might happen this year but probably won’t. Again, yay! No, really, yay!
Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Jade Goody to return, with help from Paddy Power…
Read More >>>
