we're looking at two releases here at Hecklerspray this week; the new Jack Black/Michael Cera Neanderthal comedy Year One and a Blu-ray release of the much maligned lizard dump Godzilla.
The GREATEST Fat People Ever!
Now that it’s holiday season, all the famous stars are coming out with their taut, muscular bikini bodies.
Some, like Scary Spice, got a little bit carried away, and now she’s got Peter Andre‘s 1990s stomach, which resembles tight latex stretched over two giant packets of Wrigley’s Extra. It’s a weird look, especially with a set of womanly bosoms looming over the abs.
Other famous faces will be surfacing over the coming weeks, oiled and dainty in their trunks and cozzies, so we thought it high time to wobble our appreciative stomachs in the direction of some brilliant famous people who don’t seem to care that they are grotesquely fat…
Tropic Thunder Beats The Dark Knight Thanks to Blacked-up Retards
Well it certainly took long enough but The Dark Knight has finally fallen, to the might of Tropic Thunder and its wall of controversy.
While we all thought we would have to live in a world where no other films would ever get anywhere near The Dark Knight – a world where daily recitals of The Joker’s best speeches were made to be recited every morning in our schools, where every car is replaced with a Batmobile and where Morgan Freeman is elected King of Everything (with Christian Bale as his alleged muscle, obviously) – we have been proven wrong.
We worried for a while, but fortunately the ‘Greatest Film of All Time(tm)’ has been dethroned by Ben Stiller, Jack Black and a blacked-up Robert Downey Jr. And it’s sure to make the latter quite happy about it.
Jack Black: Brace Yourself World, I’m Planning To Get Naked
From DIETPIXIE – Someone please give Jack Black a cheeseburger.
Why? Well, for starters, shoving it in his big, fat chops might shut him up.
Secondly, it could be the only way we can stop him from doing nude scenes.
That’s right – nude scenes!!
‘Nude scenes’ and ‘Jack Black’ – if ever there was four words that should not appear together in the same sentence it’s that right there.
And you’ll be disgusted to know that the Kung Fu Panda star has done them before (In Margot at the Wedding – just in case you are some twisted freak and want to check him out.)
Jack Black Has Another Baby, Nobody Cares
Since Angelina Jolie and Nicole Kidman are getting ready to shoot babies out of their nethers, appetite for celebrity babies has never been higher.
Unless you’re Jack Black, of course. If you’re Jack Black then nobody really gives much of a hoot about how many children you’ve got. For instance, it’s all over the news at the moment that Jack Black and his wife Tanya have had their second baby.
How do they know? Were hordes of paparazzi camped outside the maternity wards of every hospital in LA? Had midwives been secretly bribed by celebrity magazines to reveal confidential secrets? No. Jack Black had to tell them that they had the baby ‘about a week ago’ during a premiere. Still, the lack of interest in his baby shouldn’t detract from the photo deal he’s just signed – £3.50 for a half-page spread near the back of What Horsebox magazine.
Angelina Jolie Officially Pregnant With Twins! Twiiiiins!
Anyone with even a passing interest in this stuff will have known for ages that Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins.
But, people, guess what – Angelina Jolie is pregnant! With twins!
And this time it’s official, because Jack Black accidentally shot his gob off about how many kids Angelina Jolie was hiding up her uterus during a promotional interview for Kung-Fu Panda in Cannes, and Angelina Jolie was forced to confirm it. In other unrelated news, the bear community is also kind of pissed off at Jack Black for accidentally breaking the story that they occasionally shit in the woods from time to time.
