investigation - HecklerSpray

Marc Jacobs Perfume Advert Might Have Made A Child Look Sexier Than It Should Have

November 10th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Fashion designers are a funny breed aren't they? No other profession is full of characters that are religiously followed and praised for their movements. Do you monitor the work your local builder does? Course you don't you arrogant tool. Do you keep up to date with what a professional footbal- oh.

All you have to do is say the name Marc Jacobs and people who know their stuff will tell you that you won't be able to fill a wardrobe full of his creations for less than ?30. That's more for the fashion ‘working class’ like us, who?ll have to stick to Primark onesies and tear-stained sweatshirts.

A jumper from Marc Jacobs is likely to set you back ?400+. All because people are morons and pay the price for organic, free range camel pubes. You know, as opposed to those ones you get from battery camels.

Wings’ Paul McCartney Had His Phone Hacked, Apparently. It’s Like Mark Chapman All Over Again

August 5th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Sir Paul McCartney, of forgotten ’70s beat group Wings, has for some peculiar reason, had his phone hacked by ‘so-called journalists’ and he’s gone grassing everyone up to the police. Including us. We got a letter informing us we’d be under investigation.

Even though we only have one PAYG mobile phone (the one with Snake II on), we do use it to get into people’s voicemails. We’ve got a great story about the not very famous comedian David Schneider, but that’s for another time.

Anyway, Macca is not pleased that we’ve been in his messages, very much in the same way his former wife, Heather Mills, was hopping mad (fnarr) that she’d had her voicemails hacked into and, of course, John Lennon’s chest was very much breached by Mark Chapman with his best gun.

Jamie Lynn Spears Does Porn In A Vague, Creepy, Unsexy Way

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

We don’t know who to feel more sorry for – Jamie Lynn Spears or the man who seems to think that a photo of Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding is sexy.

Because, apparently, somebody actually thinks that. There’s currently a huge investigation going on in America after a photo of Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding with a boob exposed was apparently copied several times with the intention to post them onto the internet or sell them for profit. And since Jamie Lynn Spears is under the age of 18, the thief could technically be hauled up on a pornography charge.

We think we should probably point out at this juncture that the allegedly stolen photo is of Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding her baby, and not of Jamie Lynn Spears being breastfed by her own mother. We know that Jamie Lynn Spears is only young, but that’s no excuse for weirdness.

Paris Hilton Accused Of Flooring Photographer With Car

March 25th, 2009 By Paul Sorrenti

Blonde thingy Paris Hilton and boyfriend Benji Madden are being investigated by police for an alleged hit and run, according to The Sun.

They are accused of driving over photographer Glen Gurniak’s foot as they left a club in Los Angeles Thursday.

Gurniak was left grounded, squealing in pain, as if he were nothing more than a piece of disposable paparazzi trash.

However, he soon got up to file a police report against them with the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department. Spokesman Steve Witmore said:

“The incident is currently under investigation.”

The Hunt Is On For Heath Ledger’s Possible Indirect Death-Enablers

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

The mystery behind the untimely death of Heath Ledger has now been cleaned up, but there's still just one loose end left.

As everyone knows, Heath Ledger died because of an accidental overdose of prescription drugs – and now an investigation has been launched into the doctors who prescribed those drugs to Heath Ledger.

Needless to say, this investigation won't bring Heath Ledger back, but it might get a couple of doctors struck off, which is the next best thing. Stupid doctors with their 'cures' for all these so-called 'illnesses'. Idiots.

Heath Ledger: Perhaps It Wasn’t The Drugs After All

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Although initial reports claimed that Heath Ledger died from a drug overdose – accidental or otherwise – now it appears that they might have been way off the mark.

Because now sources apparently close to the investigation into Heath Ledger's death suspect that he may have died because his heart just stopped. Whether it was a heart attack or something else – or whether these natural death claims are completely inaccurate – remains to be seen. But if it is true, then at least Jack Nicholson was wrong the other day.

And that's always heartwarming news.

Miss Puerto Rico Possibly Telling Whoppers About The Pepper Spray

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Up until recently, Ingrid Marie Rivera was the bravest woman in all the world for the way she fearlessly won the Puerto Rican Miss Universe qualifier despite having her clothes and make-up doused in all sorts of pepper spray.

Except it turns out that she probably didn't. The forensic police investigation into Ingrid Marie Rivera's claims that a rival has sabotaged her efforts to become next year's Miss Universe by dumping a bunch of pepper spray into her belongings has not uncovered a single trace of pepper spray. That means that, if Ingrid Marie Rivera is found to have provided false information to police, she could face a felony charge. But, even worse than that, this news means that the prettiest girl in Puerto Rico now has a face that's naturally very slightly puffy sometimes. How will the country ever recover from a blow like that?