Guess what?! It’s nearly February 8th! What does that mean? Well, that date marks the three-year anniversary of Chris Brown punching ten shades out of his then-girlfriend Rihanna! Ain’t that grand? It really is. The whole world came together like knuckles on eye-socket on that day.
And there’s more!
See, despite previously being forcibly separated by a court order, RiRi and Breezy (honestly, what is it with these nicknames? Are they 10 years old or something?) could be seeing in the anniversary together as multiple sources confirm that the pair have been secretly been (right) hooking up for nearly a year!
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Oh dear. Poor ol’ Chris Brown has got his boxing gloves in a twist. See, he doesn’t like people asking him about the terrible things he’s done in the past. The last time someone broached the topic of him punching Rihanna, he tore his shirt off and threw a chair at a window.
And so, instead of addressing the issues and maybe saying sorry, showing that he’s grown up and wants to move on, he’s decided to go with another tactic.
In 2012, Chris Brown has announced there will be a ban on all interviews. That’s right. Tired of people pointing out you’re an idiot? Then stick your fingers in your ears for a whole calendar year and laughably suggest that you should be judge solely on your ‘talent’.
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Bugger. A new year is nearly upon us which means award ceremonies will soon be in full swing. February will see Adele win every award she’s nominated for at The Brits because quantity of sales rules over quality of music these days.
The Brit awards are so dull that the most mind shattering event to have ever happened was when Labour politician John Prescott got a bucket of ice water tipped over him. Imagine if he’d froze to death or got his suit ruined?
For real controversy, you can always count on America. Back in 2009, Rihanna and Chris Brown were scheduled to individually perform at the Grammys, the only ceremony in the world where people honour country & western music. Sadly for Rihanna, Chris Brown got a little excited about the evening ahead and started fist bumping her repeatedly in the face. But hey, that happened years ago and it seems the organisers of the Grammys have completely forgotten this.
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Imagine being Courtney Love for a second. Imagine, if you can, what it must be like to be that mental. Try and picture the look on people’s faces are you haul your bizarre face around the streets of the world. Just think, how brilliant it must be to be so deluded that you carry all this off thinking you’re brilliant!
All this, despite the fact you’ve never made a decent record in your life, got your child taken off you for being an outrageous smack-head, fallen out with your deceased husband’s friends (who you were accused of killing in a film) and now, being ignored by your own daughter.
AND NOW SHE MIGHT BE HOMELESS! That’s right, our Courtney – as we previously reported – was involved in a fire at her New York City apartment. Trouble is now knocking on her charred door.
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Here at hecklerspray, we like to interview people. It gives us the opportunity to show celebrities that we have the temerity to be more intelligent than they think we are and, of course, it gives us a chance to show you readers that we have the gall to be rude to someone’s face.
There’s no hiding behind a computer screen here.
And so, we got the chance to interview Andy Parsons – you’ll know him as the bloke with the baldy heid from Mock The Week won’t you? Well. We ballsed up.
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All industries are dominated by a few major players - just look at the computer you’re using. It’ll either be a PC or a magical Mac that claims to aid you in ways you didn’t think existed. In the music world, different genres have varied leading individuals.
In the world of rap & hip-hop, there are plenty to pick from; ranging from Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj and Kanye. Remarkably, one person whose still has a career despite his woman punchingpast is Chris Brown.
Since his incident with Rihanna and other angry antics, it’s remarkably easy to make fun of Chris Brown and the rest of Team Breezy. Team Hecklerspreezy doesn’t mind being the crew to do just that. However, we’ve been alerted to a piece of satire that is amazing in a variety of ways. So stop reading our ropey sentences and watch Mac Lethal slay Chris Brown with some lyrical pancakes.
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Courtney Love’s mother-in-law doesn’t have a front door. She has black mold. Her sister-in-law is homeless. Meanwhile, Dave Grohl bought an Aston Martin last week. It’s an awful state of affairs isn’t it?
Of course, some of you may be wondering where this has come from. Well, these ‘facts’ have come from the oddly shaped mouth of Courtney herself who wants to point out what a dreadful rotter Dave Grohl is and how hard done to Courtney’s family are.
One question: Why doesn’t Courtney Love who, by her own admission earns ‘tons of money’, buy her mother-in-law a front door and put her sister up in one of her large houses? Either way, there’s some videos over the jump which show Courtney and her Hole fans enjoying some nice homophobia.
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Like all skiving media berks, we’ve been watching the Leveson inquiry all afternoon while simultaneously wondering whether it was ‘inquiry’ or ‘enquiry’ because we can never remember.
What’s this inquiry? Well, it’s about phone hacking and actual celebrity Steve Coogan was the star of this afternoon’s session.
In the session, he revealed some of the tactics used by news rooms to get stories on him, which of course, shocked us to our core until we remembered that we in turn, steal the stories of the tabloids and republish them here with crass jokes crowbarred in.
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