Internet - HecklerSpray

WEBTHUMP! 29th February 2012

August 6th, 2012 By Randy Figgins

Hold on to your wizard robes, we’re riding the magical flying unicorn into battle on the plains of Interwebtopia!? A rich plunder awaits our marauding hordes.? There’s the mighty gnome tower of ThatisprobablyillegalinMalaysia, the verdant fields of Disgustingbutimustkeepwatching and the deep dark valleys of Howmanygirlsandhowmanycups.

All the best treasures of the rich and varied Interwebtopia shall be piled at the high altar at Castle hecklerspray and we can all rejoice as King Mof eats a baby.

EATS A BABY!

WEBTHUMP! 22 Feb 2012

August 7th, 2012 By Randy Figgins

Yay! It’s that time again! When you all gather round the fireplace and listen to Uncle Randy amaze you with tales of life on the Good Ship hecklerspray, chasing flaxen haired maidens and hunting an elusive catch on the wide, wild web.

Well, maybe not.? You’ll sit there gormlessly scanning through the list for words like ‘boobs’ or ‘axe wielding re-animated corpse’ depending on your sexual preferences. Meanwhile we’ll go back to sipping our pint of Toilet Duck and mumbling about ‘mutineers’ and ‘thar she blows’.

So let’s get this over with, our pint is getting warm.? We’ve once again spent hours gazing into our crystal ball and rattling our runes to bring you 10 of the web’s least disappointing pages. ?THAR SHE BLOWS!

WEBTHUMP! 15 Feb 2012

August 7th, 2012 By Randy Figgins

God’s nicely pressed trousers! It’s that time again.? When we drag you away from furiously masturbating over letsknit.co.uk to guide you through the World Wide Weird.?

So put down the Kleenex for just a moment, let us hold your crusty mitts and shush your deranged mumblings about ‘beatutiful angora sets’ and gawp in awe at the world outside…online.

Shut up and read on.

WEBTHUMP! 8 Feb 2012

August 7th, 2012 By Randy Figgins

Fresh from its victorious sinking of the Tumblr Trawler, Webthump is here to receive your adulation!

Well, not quite.? We’ve donned our fisherman’s waders to have a carcinogenic? rummage? in the foetid,?elbow-deep cesspool that is the Internet.? All to bring you something to gawp at while fondling your shriveled genitals.? We could have been doing something useful with our time, like whittling voodoo dolls of Russell ‘new relationship’ Brand from old lolly sticks.

From the congealed masses of pornography and dead Myspace pages we’ve managed to dredge up a few sparkling gems of entertainment.? We’ve brought you 10 of the best, worst and weirdest that mankind’s collective intelligence can vomit up.

Kylie Gets Stalked On Twitter (Surely Better Than Being Stalked In The Flesh?)

February 7th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Poor famous people. They get plebs saying nasty things to them, which is of course, completely different to the lives of us normal troglodytes who spend an eternity being thoroughly pleasant to each other, without cross words ever uttered.

One such sad case is Kylie who has had to call the police because someone wrote some nasty words on twitter.

No, honestly.

Dr Heckle & Mr Tweet: All The Week’s Best Celebrity Tweets And One From Ronan Keating

July 28th, 2012 By Sophie Hall

Here at hecklerspray we like nothing more than the cold icy crevasse of hard work. Seriously, we don’t even whistle whilst. It really is like we are the cogs in the grinding mechanism of a distribution machine in the factory of universal contribution.

The endearing, eccentric Rhys Ifans kind of ones, obv.

But no, we really appreciate the hard?grievous?labour of the world of work. Well, we were like that, until we logged on to Twitter, and were immediately diagnosed with the mostly symptomless but ultimately very aggressive form of LOL Addiction that is!

Badvertising: BT Infinity Teaches Us About Fate

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Pre-determination is something that the same fools who believe in superstition go in for in a big way. You might recognise it as fate or the ‘thundering approach to emotional and financial oblivion’. If you believe in fate then you probably married the first person who ever gave you an orgasm and are now woefully unhappy, only able to console yourself by watching romantic comedies.

Even as you do so, you realise everything seems to work out well for the shining-faced Hollywood elite. That is despite their belief and reliance on exactly the same concept which has led you to a life of raised voices and thinly veiled hatred.?Fate worked out okay for them, didn’t it? Why not you?

Anyway, enough about your bitter, twisted existence.

Dr Heckler Says: Our Celeb Pals Get Sad On Twitter, We Say All the Right Things.

August 7th, 2012 By Sophie Hall

Alright, another hollerin’ at the back. So then. What the hell is going on here? And why do we still visit this wretched website, and why do our children all live in cabins where they currently do not have phone connections? – We hear you cry! ?Don’t worry, we’ll give you a leg up.

So, we've all had our run-ins with the ol? Twitter dot com over the past couple of years, haven't we? ?O, the scandal that have been caused! O, the incensed exhales we have expended! O, The Macarena! It was all going so well.

Alas as it came to stand, somewhere down the line, the social networking database has met with disaster, and heartache, like in that film The Social Network, about the other social network. Then in came the cruel side of Twitter: The superinjections, the brain of Natalie Cassidy, and of course the having of an Alan Sugar Twitter account.

The Tumblr Trawler: Suicidal Kittens Fired Due To Filthy Texts From Someone Called “Bennett”

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

These are dark times for that there internet. As the vultures circle around the rotting carcass of the World Wide Web, we disembark our safe harbour to take a tour round the Cape of Good Tumblr. This is The Tumblr Trawler…

Naturally, we’re assuming that some of you have never even seen a Tumblr, let alone know all about the intricate system of interactions and the thought processes which go into making one. Therefore, we make no apologies if you’ve heard of one of these before or even bought their god damn book. Okay?

Jon Bon Jovi, Regrettably Not Dead (Also: Terrible Christmas Video)

December 20th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Yesterday was great for death. Kim Jong-il (or, as some dumb American said, Kim Jong The Second) shrugged off his mortal coil while elsewhere, rumours floated around about various celebrity deaths!

One such rumour was Brian Harvey (not dead, but can’t be far off) and another was Jon Bon Jovi.

When Jon ‘Bon Jovi’ Bon Jovi heard about his untimely passing, he thought he’d redress the balance by letting everyone know that, regrettably, he was absolutely alive as can be. Alas, for a crime of Christmas in his past (for which we have a video), his death would have restored some balance in the force.