Thousands of idiots around the globe saw the advert which gave us plebs the chance to be in the employ of Charlie Sheen – a man who is acting like his brain has melted like an ice-pop on a sun-filled windowsill and possessor of eyes like rotten marrow.

‘Yeah!’ everyone thought, ‘That seems like it’ll be kinda funny!’ Funny ’til he has you locked in a cupboard, fearing for your life while he pops heart-attack pills and trashes a hotel suite with his tiny little thumping fists.

But anyway, apply you all did, leaving many hopeful that they could bask in his soon to depart spotlight. And how are you doing? Did you make Round 2? Unlikely, unless of course, you’re an adult actress like Isis Taylor, who proudly crowed about her getting to the next round of the Tiger Blood internship contest.

That’s right chillun! Charlie Sheen has acted in a way that is entirely predictable! WAHOO! WINNING ETC!

Isis Taylor, a lady who has starred in films like Kittens and Cougars 3 and Meggan’s Big Ass Adventure, was one of the hopefuls who numbered 74,000 strong who wanted to work with Team Sheen.

Presumably, she’ll love you violently if the price is right.

She tweeted that she got an email informing her she’s moving on to the next round. And what, apart from the insultingly obvious, did she have in her arsenal that put her ahead of some of you social media whizzkids out there?

She said:

“I’ll do your social media right.”

Is she using social media as a euphemism for something else there? Sounds like it. Oh, and if you want another tip when getting a job, it is worth doing what Isis did, and noting that you’re friends with Bree Olsen, one of Charlie’s oft muttered about ‘goddesses’.

Good grief.

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To have a successful TV talk show you tend to need a niche – Oprah has her self-help, Jerry Springer has his confrontations and Maury has his berserkoid ADD DNA tests – but none of them angrily blow up teenage girls.

That's where Montel Williams steps in, though. Although Montel Williams has plenty of his own niches already – like being the only highly-decorated military talk show host, and the only occasionally-suicidal multiple sclerosis-suffering talk show host – he's now also the only talk show host who, when asked interview questions he doesn't like by teenage newspaper interns, screams "I'm a big star, and I can look you up, find where you live and blow you up!" at them, before realising he's made a bit of a fool out of himself and apologising, which he's just done. But at least it's a step up from Montel Williams' other niche – being the talk show host who looks most like Ming The Merciless.

2007 hasn't exactly been a golden year for the daytime television talk show. In Britain a judge likened The Jeremy Kyle Show to 'human bear baiting', while elsewhere Oprah Winfrey managed to successfully open a child abuse factory masquerading as a school for clever girls. And, whisper it, there's a chance that Jerry Springer might be the teensiest bit staged.

But Montel Williams has managed to keep his head above all the dirt by continuing to go about his business as usual; rescuing teen prostitutes, offering reasoned discussion about the emotional impact of being transgendered, violently threatening to blow up teenage newspaper interns just for asking him questions he didn't like the sound of, that sort of thing.

The last one of these happened in Savannah on Friday, when Montel Williams was promoting free prescriptions for the poor. However, Montel terminated an interview with Courtney Scott, a high school intern at the Savannah Morning News, after she innocently asked him if restricted profits would stop pharmaceutical companies from investing so heavily in research and development costs. At the time, Montel responded to question with this:

“I'm here as a patient advocate talking about the fact that medications available today are saving people's lives, that's what's saving mine and after that, this interview is done."

And then, later on, Montel Williams and Courtney Scott managed to bump into each other again at a hotel. Although Scott was there on an unrelated assignment, Montel thought she was trailing him, and got a little bit angry with her, her crew and pretty much the entire universe in general. According to a web content producer for the newspaper who was accompanying Courtney:

“As we were preparing to film, Montel walked up with his bodyguard and got in Courtney Scott's face pointing his finger telling her ‘Don't look at me like that. Do you know who I am? I'm a big star, and I can look you up, find where you live and blow you up’. At this time he was randomly pointing at all of us.”

Such was the ferocity of Montel Williams' outburst that Courtney Scott later filed a police complaint about it. But at least Montel Williams now admits that he did wrong – not just for threatening to explode a teenage girl but also for making the factually-incorrect mistake of calling himself a big star, when really it's only the elderly and unemployed who know who is is with any degree of certainty. Montel has now put out a statement apologising for the incident:

“I mistakenly thought the reporter and photographer in question were at the hotel to confront me about some earlier comments. I was wrong, and I apologise for my overreaction.”

Not only that, but Montel has also invited Courtney Scott and her family onto his show to apologise to her publicly, as part of a special entitled I've Learned That Screaming Angry Terrorist-Style Threats About Blowing Up Teenage Girls Is Wrong. And, if the negative publicity persists after that, Montel Williams will check into a rehab facility for men who want to explode young girls and then apologise directly to Al Sharpton, just because he figured that's what everyone else does in this sort of situation.

Read more:

Montel Threatens To 'Blow Up' Teen Reporter – MSNBC