Thousands of idiots around the globe saw the advert which gave us plebs the chance to be in the employ of Charlie Sheen – a man who is acting like his brain has melted like an ice-pop on a sun-filled windowsill and possessor of eyes like rotten marrow.
‘Yeah!’ everyone thought, ‘That seems like it’ll be kinda funny!’ Funny ’til he has you locked in a cupboard, fearing for your life while he pops heart-attack pills and trashes a hotel suite with his tiny little thumping fists.
But anyway, apply you all did, leaving many hopeful that they could bask in his soon to depart spotlight. And how are you doing? Did you make Round 2? Unlikely, unless of course, you’re an adult actress like Isis Taylor, who proudly crowed about her getting to the next round of the Tiger Blood internship contest.
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To have a successful TV talk show you tend to need a niche – Oprah has her self-help, Jerry Springer has his confrontations and Maury has his berserkoid ADD DNA tests – but none of them angrily blow up teenage girls.
That's where Montel Williams steps in, though. Although Montel Williams has plenty of his own niches already – like being the only highly-decorated military talk show host, and the only occasionally-suicidal multiple sclerosis-suffering talk show host – he's now also the only talk show host who, when asked interview questions he doesn't like by teenage newspaper interns, screams "I'm a big star, and I can look you up, find where you live and blow you up!" at them, before realising he's made a bit of a fool out of himself and apologising, which he's just done. But at least it's a step up from Montel Williams' other niche – being the talk show host who looks most like Ming The Merciless.
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