Sometimes, one can only hope that Glenn Beck is the Republican version of Jon Stewart and that it was all one big joke we didn’t latch onto in good time… but there’s that gnawing feeling that he really does believe the beserk stuff he says.

And it is his views that have seen him and his family being targeted by “hateful” crowds at a screening of The 39 Steps in New York City on Monday night.

While there, Beck & Co were caught in a “hostile situation”, and if you look at his history, it isn’t difficult to see why that will happen from time-to-time. You troll people, there’s a strong chance they’ll harangue you in return. So let us glare at him at his most weird.

Apparently, Beck was at this outdoor screening and someone kicked wine onto his wife Tanya’s back, soaking her clothes and their Stars ‘n’ Stripes blanket. Then, after that, when Tanya and their daughter Hannah went to the bathroom to clean up, someone yelled “We hate conservatives here!”

The Becks did their best to ignore the catcalls and people taking pictures of them, but it obviously didn’t work, with Beck saying on his radio show:

“These people were some of the most hateful people I’ve ever seen. All I wanted to do was watch a movie in the park. I have a right to watch and enjoy a movie in the park.”

Hate? Wanna talk about hate? See, Beck was mockingly applauded as he left the show. While it may be very uncomfortable to be chided in public, you have to wonder where this behaviour comes from. Seeing as the screening was in New York, you have to assume that saying things like ‘I hate 9/11 victim families’ will turn a community against you.

And of course, Beck’s melodramatic response probably doesn’t help matters.

“If I had suggested ‘Does anybody have a rope? Because there’s a tree here. You could just lynch me.’ I think there would’ve been a couple in the crowd that would’ve.”

It isn’t exactly a good idea to bring up lynching is it, especially given that Beck has been accused of ‘race hate’ in some quarters.

Fact is, if you’re on a huge platform like the Fox Network, given the opportunity to speak without fear of immediate reply, if you have views that are, to put it kindly, controversial, then people will build up loathing and weariness which could easily manifest itself as… well… taking the piss out of you while you sit on a rug in a park.

Of course, Glenn Beck has the right to his views and no-one should ever take that right away from him… but y’know, the right to speak goes both ways, so if someone wants to boo and heckle you, they’ve got that right too, especially if you’re the kind of bloke who can lose his bap on-air and furious slate a caller, only for you to call them a “pinhead”.

Public attacks aren’t very nice are they? Mercifully, we revel in it and would love the chance to mindlessly call Glenn Beck names, mainly because he looks like Bobby from King of the Hill.

It goes without saying that, while Beck recalled all this on his show, he got all choked up. It’s not like Glenn Beck to cry is it? Not one bit…

Beck, who launches a live streaming video network in Sept., closed his segment about the incident with a plea for love, “Find a way to love because in the end only love remains. The only thing that is true is love. Everything else is a lie. Do not hate, love. That’s the promise of America. That is the shining city on the hill that cannot and will not be hid.”

Beck’s GBTV will feature Beck’s new daily two-hour show and other original and licensed programming.

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Glenn Beck – the GG Allin of television* – isn’t likely to see his contract renewed by Fox. Imagine that for a second. Someone in the world who is deemed too nutso even for Rupert Murdoch. Staggering stuff.

So what can Glenn Beck do now? Have a cry about it? Roll around on the floor, masturbating into an American flag?

He might! And he might film it too! That’s because Glenn Beck is to take his brand of bug-eyed, frenzied gibberish onto his own network! If you can’t beat ‘em, eat ‘em! And we can only imagine the horrors that will unfold on GBTV.

He is considering a cable channel takeover or expanding his online video service, going solo much like Oprah Winfrey. Of course, instead of being the caring bosom of America, Beck will film himself, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, from a secret nuclear bunker, talking to himself and slowly deteriorating before climaxing with a shotgun in his mouth and a small stars ‘n’ stripes dangling from his anus.

You know damn well that’ll happen if there’s no-one to tell him where the line is.

Disagree? Here’s a man who said that the devastating events in Japan were likely to be a “message from God”. He’s all heart isn’t he?

Alas, it would appear that America is tiring of ol’ Glenn. He’s lost over one million viewers from his show in 12 months. We suspect this is wholly connected to his outing himself as a Muse fan. That, or people have stopped tuning in ironically.

Either way, it looks like Fox bosses are considering giving him the chop. Presumably, this is so they can pave the way for Sarah Palin’s sadly inevitable television career. Fox can’t be hiring a man who has nearly 400 advertisers boycotting him can they?

And so, once more, the eyes of the world will look to America with a special kind of astonishment reserved for their right-wingers.

Gawd bless ‘em.

*Think about it. Self defecating and won’t be happy ’til he’s in the centre of a riot he’s caused himself. Probably has a tiny penis as well.

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The internet hasn’t been quite the same since Twitter arrived. Social interaction has been key throughout the history of the web, but it wasn’t until Twitter that we saw how mental or boring celebrities were. They debunked their own myths with a handful of crudely typed out missives. God bless ‘em!

And so, to celebrate stupid famous people, we’re going to cheer on the most mental and thick of the celebrity Twitter circuit.

You are, as ever, invited to submit your own in the comments should we be unaware of an actor’s barking rants or a musician’s daily nervous breakdowns.

Courtney Love

http://twitter.com/courtneyloveuk

Courtney Love is the queen of mental Tweeting, once chiding her daughter with one of the most cryptic sentences ever to grace an eyeball: “so how could she do it to me, ? dont answer fiddle you need to answer use the family wizard, i took the high road, i rasised you well & im”. Family wizard?

Normally, she can be seen ranting about people after her money, lawyers and haters. Alas, she seems to own the fattest fingers in the universe as her stream is filled with words that look like they’ve been pulled from a tumble drier full of letters.

Barmy.

Kanye West

http://twitter.com/KanyeWest

Do you think Kanye West has something of an ego? Saying “these tweets be made of real panther” doesn’t help does it? Still, he’s got sagely musings on the world, such as: “A guy came up to the flight attendant and asked her for a pen knowing damn well he had a pen. I guess people already know the strategy.” Pardon? Maybe it’s comments like this which have prompted the world’s slowest rapper (yes, slower than Turbo B from Snap!) to say: “I’m trying my best to stay out my own way”

Vincent Gallo

http://twitter.com/vincent_gallo

Vincent Gallo is the master of the mental tweet. He’s nearly got a 100% strike rate. Follow him immediately for messages like “There’s nothing funnier than a dwarf having an allergy attack. LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE MOONWALKING, LITTLE DUDE!!” and “Fuck EVERYONE who eats brown rice.” Not to mention “I can’t decide whether I hate cheese or just feel really, really sorry for it” and “Enjoying new underwear I got at Target today. Thinking about making a sandwich.”

At least he’s had the decency to say: “I’d like to apologize to everyone for Brown Bunny.”

William Shatner

http://twitter.com/williamshatner

Lovely ol’ William Shatner signs off every Tweet with “My best, Bill.” Isn’t that nice? He’s prone to musing about the tiny things in life, such as: “Are the person who invented the Big Mac and the chef who makes an intense pate de flagras equally genius? My best, Bill”.

Then there’s the cryptic message to his old chum, Leonard Nimoy, which reads: “@TheRealNimoy No response to my nurturing you to your independence. Did I hurt your feelings? My best, Bill”. Keep an eye on this one, he’s due a meltdown.

Brent Spiner

http://twitter.com/BrentSpiner

Who? He’s another Star Trek alumni. Yeah, the guy who played dead-eyed Data. Well he’s barking mad. See – “Had an idea. The Con-Con. A convention featuring only celebrities who’ve been arrested. Quite a list. They could sign their mug shots” as well as “Yo, homies. That’s all of B-Rent. Peeps gettin all rachael on me. Dawgs, it’s nothin but a thang. You all my g-biscuits. The end. Respeck.”

Danny DeVito

http://twitter.com/danny_devito

De Vito’s first Tweet was “My nuts are on fire.” That’s almost everything you need to know really. More recently he yelled: “Live it baby! Reach out and grab that shiny thing! Don’t be shy! Make sure you hold on to the horse!” as well as being prone to taking pictures of his own feet and calling it ‘Troll Foot”, as seen here.

Perez hilton

http://twitter.com/PEREZHILTON

Perez Hilton may well be ill in the brains, so it’s not surprising that his Twitter feed can be a bit of a rollercoaster. Recently, he earnestly said to Lily Allen: “I’d love to watch you eat your own crap” as well as courting LadyGaGa’s male alter-ego as his boyfriend.

Kirstie Alley

http://twitter.com/kirstiealley

Kirstie Alley is great isn’t she? She’s damaged and proud of it. Her Tweets are good value you too. Only this week she said “Good morning!! God I wish I could say something smart and profound……….got nothin…..I like you”. Normally she shouts about all manner of stuff, including “Ok…lets play it THIS way…WHO DO YOU want to shag???? Feel free to mention a plethora…COME ON PEOPLE…LET ER RIP!!!” and “Lets ALL change our hair color in the next 48 hours!!!! Come on, it will be fun and it will make the EARTH tilt!!….. sorta”

Calvin Harris

http://twitter.com/CALVINHARRIS

This week, Calvin has been wondering if it’s okay to sweat out of your knees and the eating some dusty Mini Eggs that he found in his car. However, it’s his rants against the music industry that see him included in List Mental.

“Imagine the buzz of making something that you love, and after 2 years you finally have something you can’t wait for other people to hear … then imagine that cd landing on the desk of ‘snide rich persons kid’ or ‘pathetic london scene-FACE, then them skipping through the tracks in their lunch break, and saying ‘well its calvin harris isn’t it? 2 stars, he’s a dick head’. I’m telling you now that it doesn’t feel good.”

He wasn’t done there either… “THIS ENTIRE INDUSTRY IS FULL OF RICH PEOPLE’S KIDS, EVERYWHERE, FUCKING RICH PEOPLE’S KIDS RICH PEOPLE’S KIDS,” “RICH PEOPLE’S KIDS GETTING GOOD REVIEWS BECAUSE MUMMY FUCKED THE JOURNO IN THE 80S”. Bless you son. Bless that mental little ball of skull putty you have.

50 Cent

http://twitter.com/50cent

And for an almost constant source of mirth, check out Pifty Pence’s feed. This, is just the tip of a ridiculous iceberg… “Man when I figure out how to use the spell Check on this motherfucker you niggas in trouble.”

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30 Seconds to Mars and their glorious leader Jared Leto had better check the back of their sofas for loose change.

They may have to resort to begging, borrowing or even stealing to get through this one – being sued by Virgin Records for $30 million isn’t the kind of thing you can get by simply by using the cash you carry in your wallet. Maybe they could sell their instruments and equipment – though this would of course mean they can no longer play as a band…

So in other words, it would be win-win.

But why such a huge amount? Well, according to Virgin, Jared Leto and 30 Seconds to Mars were contracted to provide three albums, but didn’t. Apparently this is worth that much money to the company, so they’ve gone and sued that movie star from the band to get what they think is rightfully theirs.

$30 million though? Crikey.

And it seems it isn’t just hecklerspray that thinks the figure is a bit – shall we say – ‘excessive’. In a post on the official 30 Seconds to Mars forum, Jared wrote these words with his fingers, and possibly toes:

“So, as you may have heard we are being sued by our former record company for the ridiculously oversized, totally unrealistic and pretty silly (but slightly clever) sum of $30,000,000. Insane? Yea that’s what we said too.”

But what was the actual story behind it? Well, Messr Leto wasn’t about to leave his legion of 14-year-old female fans in the lurch when it came to the legalese, going on in the post:

“We had been signed to our record contract for nine years. Basically, under California law, where we live and signed our deal, one cannot be bound to a contract for more than seven years. This is widely known by all the record companies and has been for years. In fact, so aware of it are they that they desperately try to make deals outside of California whenever possible. It is a law that protects people from lengthy, unfair, career-spanning contracts. This law also gave us the legal right to explore other possible opportunities.”

And not one to leave it with a short, concise explanation of the matter – nor, seemingly, one to avoid underhanded bitchy comments, that one from Fight Club went on about a feud with more point than his last one:

“Yes we have been sued by EMI. But NOT for failing to deliver music or for ‘quitting.’ We have been sued by the corporation quite simply because roughly 45 days ago we exercised our legal right to terminate our old, out of date contract, which, according to the law is null and void. We terminated for a number of reasons, which we won’t go into here (we’d rather not air any dirty laundry) but basically our representatives could not get EMI to agree to make a fair and reasonable deal.”

To be fair, being sued for $30 million is probably a good enough reason to get at least a bit bitchy, and it’s the kind of thing that will make you feel as depressed as if you’ve been forced to sit and watch Requiem for a Dream 17 times in a row. Yes – that bad. So it is understandable that some complaints would be aired.

Shockingly enough, EMI (the group that owns Virgin Records) countered with some statementage of their own, offering these nuggets up:

“EMI’s relationship with 30STM has been extremely rewarding and successful for both the band and the company. The hard work of EMI’s global team and of the band has resulted in sales of three million albums and singles, multiple awards and a growing, global fan base.”

To be honest, you’d think that if they were suing a band for such an incredible amount of money they’d bother to write the full name out, not abbreviate it like it would take too much of their valuable lawsuit time up. Anyway, it went from amicable and half-written to some of the usual ‘we’re not an evil major label, honestly’ gubbins:

“However, we have been forced to take procedural, legal steps in order to protect EMI’s investment and rights during contract renegotiations initiated by the band and management. We hope to resolve these matters amicably and put them behind us so we can continue working in partnership with the band to take them to even greater levels of success.”

While it isn’t very fair for a band to go back on a contractual obligation, it does feel a bit like EMI are saying ‘either they come back to us and release more albums, thus making us money, or we get $30 million out of them anyway. Not like we’re trying to hold them hostage or anything’. A bit, at least. We mean – he may have missed out an album, but he’s given his blood for this band – is that not worth anything?

Well, no, probably not. But still.

We’re not exactly fans of 30 Seconds to Mars at hecklerspray, nor do we care much about Jared Leto and his face (apart from that bit in Fight Club), but… well… thirty million dollars? Are they shitting well kidding?!

If EMI expected to make that much money from a new album then they either have a severely skewed view of the world or there are far more fools with no taste buying music in this world than we originally thought.

Sorry kids, we’ve opted out of a browser-based time waster here. But when it’s this good, who cares?

Yes, Mu-Cade. Incredible. It’s a 6MB download and you need a PC built within the last 30 years to be able to play it – just a warning. So what is it? What do you do? Let’s have a look at the documentation on the game’s official website:

The Physics Centipede Invasion

Smashup waggly shmup, ‘Mu-Cade’

It really doesn’t get much better than that. But how to play? Look:

Keep your ship from falling down and push enemies out of the way.

Simply stunning. It’s actually fun, too, which is something of a bonus.

PLAY IT NOW (well, download it now):
Mu-Cade