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Russell Howard Breaks His Fingers Which Is Genuinely Good News

November 16th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Russell Howard must have a terrible time with the ladies, what with him constantly displaying a wandering eye. Have you noticed how it mooches around his skull like a beetle tied to a six inch nail?

Aside from his funny eye and the fact that he’s about as funny as finding a shallow grave, Russell has had a slice of bad news while, ironically, filming his woeful ‘Good News’ show.

Basically, he was taken to hospital last night after breaking fingers. We were hoping that the mafia did it, but sadly, he was horsing around on a chair, rather than cowering under the threat of extermination.

Video That Confirms That Jersey Shore Is A Giant Fake

November 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

For some reason, we’ve credited you slobs with some intelligence. Christ knows why. We’ve read the comments you leave. Either way, some of you ain’t so bad. Some of you have probably only seen Jersey Shore out of morbid curiosity.

If you watched it, you probably thought ‘By Jove! This is faker than Kim Kardashian’s wedding!‘

If you’ve been watching the antics of Snooki & Co, thinking that it’s BLATES REAL (or whatever you wobbling colostomy bags say these days), then we’ve got news for you. And someone with more spare time has made a video which proves it. OKAY?

Abercrombie & Fitch Hate Jersey Shore’s The Situation More Than You Do

August 17th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

You know Jersey Shore? That’s right – the thing you can blame dreck like Geordie Shore and The Only Way Is Essex on. Well, one of the stars of the show – The Situation – is a monumental penis who has somehow weaselled his way into the VIP section.

So all is well? Not quite.

See, while he’s the star of a hit MTV show, some people aren’t so taken with him. Despite the free advertising that comes with appearing on a widely watched show, Abercrombie & Fitch have posted a statement on their website asking Mike ?The Situation? Sorrentino to stop wearing their clothes. That’s how much they hate him.

Snooki Crashes Into Cop Car, Presumably After Realising How Irritating She Is

May 31st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Snooki – a cross between a shaved Har Mar Superstar and a tin of off-creosote – is, once again, being filmed for some vapid, gaspingly bad television programme for MTV, the music channel that doesn’t show any music videos.

And while shooting (with cameras, not guns sadly) the fourth season of Jersey Shore this weekend, good ol’ Snooki managed to crash into a police car that was accompanying them, injuring two officers.

The astonishing thing there is, of course, that Snooki has enough faculties to actually have a legal driving license. Beggars belief.

Martha Stewart Is So Unlikeable That Even Her Dog Ended Up Giving Her Nine Stitches In The Lip

January 14th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Martha Stewart is an eerie, eerie woman. She’s got that whole, dead-eyed perfect wife thing going on… apart from, y’know, that whole Going To Prison thing. And yet, Americans lap up her brand of perfect homeliness, even though she’s quite obviously a hollow husk of a human.

And so, in a bid to prove that she is indeed a human being, her dog decided to make her bleed real human blood.

How? It didn’t didn’t decide to gently let some blood from her arm and present it to the world’s press in a neat test tube, but rather, it headbutted her so hard that she probably had a moment where she assumed that the animal kingdom was finally turning on us, ready to overthrow our sorry arses.

James May Bumps His Head A Little Bit

December 23rd, 2010 By Randy Figgins

Presenter, pertrolhead, slipper wearer, tall chap and all round good egg James May has been hospitalised after a severe head injury while filming for Top Gear’s Christmas Special.

The floppy haired one took a tumble while filming Top Gear’s attempt to drive from Baghdad to Bethlehem, presumably an exploding caravan was involved, or an expensive supercar, or something phenomenally fast.? Or maybe just a bit of rope.

Yes, we’ve checked. It was a bit of rope.

Is Kim Kardashian Tottering Back Onto Dancing With The Stars?

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

When Kim Kardashian was voted off Dancing With The Stars last week, the message was clear – Kim, your sex tapes are OK, but your dancing is bum.

However, there’s a sliver of a chance that we haven’t seen the last of Kim Kardashian on Dancing With The Stars yet, and it’s all down to Misty May-Treanor‘s knackered Achilles tendon. Now that May-Treanor’s out of Dancing With The Stars, Kim Kardashian is said to be awaiting her callback.

And quite right – Kim’s already been voted off Dancing With The Stars once, so her inevitably swift second elimination will just reaffirm how little America cares for her. But if she got a third call-up after that we’d worry – we get the feeling that only a marching band playing a tune called Nobody Likes You Kim and a firework display in the shape of a frown would make Kim Karadashian understand how people feel about her.