Everybody seems to be getting in on the comic book-to-movie adaptation thing, with easily one of the most anticipated being that of Watchmen.

While normally this would be greeted with trepidation and a slight amount of fear, the sheer quality of the source material, combined with the fact that the film is supposed to actually be, y’know – good – has people sweating around the groin, awaiting next year’s release.

That is, unless Fox have their way and ban the film from ever coming out.

Oh, we’re not kidding here – that’s what they’re trying to do in the latest of legal battles that shows just how the company is actually forged from Satan’s testicles themselves. There’s evil, then there’s Fox evil.

This is the company that cancelled Family Guy in its prime – though they did bring it back, they actually ended up becoming more evil by letting the damn thing continue, seeing as it’s turned into utter tripe in recent years. Then there was the cancellation of Firefly, but we won’t go into that – it’s still too painful. They cancel, they block, they ruin and they devour, and they never seem to stop.

Next on their list is Zack Snyder, director of 300, and his adaptation of Watchmen, the classic 80s comic series that ranks amongst the finest books ever written. Apparently. With some nice spoof adverts.

The film is bankrolled and due for release through Warner Bros early next year, but some convoluted and complicated legal wrangling has revealed that Fox are claiming that they own the rights to a film release of the property.

While this came about in February of this year, well before Watchmen fever had truly got a hold of the internets, it has been decided recently by a judge that Warner Bros could not have the case thrown out of court as they had asked.

What this means is that Fox are free to pursue their copyright infringement case against Warner Bros, and are looking to get back either damages for the trouble – sure to be a few quid at the very least – or, in a worst case scenario, ban the movie from being released indefinitely.

And it looks like Fox‘s band of lawyers, built as we all know from pure evil, are looking to force a worst case scenario – pushing to kill the project altogether rather than take some of its potentially huge box office. A statement released by Fox read:

“Warner Bros.’ production and anticipated release of ‘The Watchmen’ motion picture violates 20th Century Fox’s long-standing motion picture rights in ‘The Watchmen’ property.”

Which is pretty standard stuff until you realise they seemingly don’t even care enough to get the name of the comic right in the first place. So if they don’t even care about that, do they care about you, the fans – the public? Do they bollocks. It’s idiots in suits playing at running the world again, and it’s getting to be a bit annoying now.

But hey, at least Fox can clear the way for their own films to come out next year, and there’ll be no risk of them being compared side-by-side with Watchmen. That could be viewed as a good point. If you were mental.

The case is far from settled, though Fox are pushing for it to be fast-tracked through the courts. Probably so they can get back to stealing candy from orphanages, or burning down babies or something.

Today’s vitriolic rant brought to you by hunger pains and a lack of coffee. We will resume normal service shortly.

If you've seen even a glimpse of the Gene Simmons sex tape, there's a good chance that you threw up so hard that your stomach is now hanging out of your mouth like an awful smelly balloon.

But you're not the only person to be annoyed by the Gene Simmons sex tape. Gene Simmons isn't especially thrilled with it either.

And like you, Gene Simmons is fighting back. But where you fought back by punching a hole in your computer, stapling your eyelids together and trying to destroy the part of your brain that remembers it by ramming a knitting needle up your nose, Gene Simmons has decided to fight back against the Gene Simmons sex tape by doing clever legal stuff. Which probably makes more sense.

The recently leaked Gene Simmons sex tape raises more questions than it answers. Like 'Why doesn't that girl want to kiss Gene Simmons?' and 'Why doesn't Gene Simmons take his top off?' and 'If he's got a tongue like that, why doesn't Gene Simmons get round to using it?' and 'Why?' and 'Why? Why, in God's name? Why? Why?'

Because, honestly, if you haven't seen the Gene Simmons sex tape, you're missing out on perhaps the funnest way to ensure that you'll spend the rest of your life compulsively self-medicating with drugs or alcohol to escape the pain. The Gene Simmons sex tape is basically an old man with crap hair lackadaisically having disinterested, partially-clothed sex with an Austrian bimbo who resolutely won't let him kiss her. To the sound of I Wanna Know What Love Is by Foreigner.

We're explaining this to you, you see, because chances are it won't be on the internet for long. Gene Simmons has switched his 'old man having the worst sex anyone has ever seen' head with his 'diamond-sharp business mogul' head, and he's out to get whoever put the Gene Simmons sex tape on the internet. A hint of what was to come appeared on Gene's website a couple of days ago:

Hi everyone. You may have heard or seen garbage that has sprung up from my past. Rest assured the proper legal team is looking at all ramifications and options. And us?  Shannon, Nick and Soph are happy and healthy. All is well. And thank you all for the kind words of support.

And now Operation Get Everyone To Stop Looking At My Tired Old Knob has launched into full effect. As TMZ reports, the Gene Simmons sex tape isn't long for the world, and it's all thanks to our old friend copyright infringement:

We're told Gene's lawyers contacted Webmastercentral.com, which is responsible for the content on the website promoting the video — ordering them to cease and desist because of copyright infringement. How, you ask, is this copyright infringement? Gene's lawyers claim the site had no right to use face paint to promote the skin flick, because face paint is a KISS thing. And now we're being told, the tape is old and the copyright owner is … drum roll … Gene Simmons! Apparently, Gene got wind of the tape a few years back and bought the rights.

Now, the danger hasn't completely passed yet and the Gene Simmons sex tape is still on the various parts of internet. What we suggest you do is take your family into the shelter room immediately and wait there. There's a chance that some members of your family may have already been infected by the Gene Simmons sex tape, in which case you need to stove their head in with some pipe, label the body clearly and take it into another room. It's hard, but rather that than they try and actually describe the full horror of the Gene Simmons sex tape to you.

This is only a temporary measure, though – Gene Simmons seems to be doing everything in his power to eradicate all traces of the Gene Simmons sex tape from the internet forever, so everything will be back to normal soon.

The fact that Gene Simmons is doing this is heartening in itself, though – for a while there we weren't sure if he was able to do anything with any amount of enthusiasm any more.

Read more:

Gene Simmons to Sex Site: Suck My Copyright! – TMZ