indiana jones - HecklerSpray

Daniel Craig’s Shitty Movie Roles Before He Was James Bond

October 25th, 2012 By Chris Starr

Behind every superstar Hollywood A-lister like Daniel Craig is a long history of embarrassing foot ointment commercials and bit parts in soap operas. We all have to start somewhere, and for practically everyone bar the Harry Potter cast, that somewhere is at the bottom of the heap.

When you first break into the movie industry, it’s very rarely as a main starring role. More often it’s the lifeless corpse being peed on by the main character’s wacky hobo sidekick or something. Even to get to that stage you have to be ‘innocent bystander #17’ in an episode of Midsomer Murders.

Star Wars Is Dead Says George Lucas [Video]

March 30th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

George Lucas has not exactly endeared himself to Star Wars fanatics lately, tinkering with the films they love so dearly. Darth Vader shouting “Noooooo!” seems to have sent fans so insane with rage, that they have written many, many angry forum posts.

Heavy. Death Star heavy.

And so, like a small boy who is tired of being shouted at by his parents, George Lucas has announced that Star Wars is being killed off, forever.

What’s All This About Shia LaBeouf Trying To Stab People?

October 20th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

You know Shia LaBeouf don’t you? Yeah. He’s that insultingly dim thing that’s like shrink-wrapped ham on legs, waddling around with his film career and floozies. What else does he do?

Oh yeah! He gets in fights in bars! That’s a hoot isn’t it?

What’s even better is that someone’s accused him of threatening to stab someone. STAB! STAB! VENDETTA! VENDETTA! Yup. That’s right. A famous face thinking that no-one will mention it to anyone if he starts offering to slit people’s throats.

Shia LaBoeuf Is A Fucking Idiot According To Prominent Wookie Botherer, Harrison Ford

July 1st, 2011 By Si Sharp

You’ve got to pick sides these days. There’s no grey in life anymore, no nuance. It’s black and white. Guilty? Then throw away the key!

A victim? Then everything you say is sacred and righteous. Think the most recent album by x band is okay, but not as good as their last one? No you don’t- you’re a HATER!

Israel vs Palestine. Dawkins vs God. Left vs Right. 0 vs 1. But even in these binary times we’re stumped on where we stand on Harrison Ford vs Shia LaBoeuf .

Guff About Videogames – The Secret of Michael Jackson Island

August 5th, 2012 By Ian Dransfield

There is some news that just gets swept under in the grand scheme of things, even if it’s Twittered about and – as we all know – everyone in the world reads that pile of tripe.

Even news about Lucasarts classics being remade and re-released on one of those new-fangled ‘digital distribution’ platforms, called ‘Steam‘, or something, which has suffered in the wake of the news of Michael Jackson‘s death.

Wait – what do you mean Michael Jackson is dead?!

We hadn’t heard. Three hundred times a day. For the last four months.

Yes, since before he had even died.

WEBTHUMP! Friday 17 October 2008

August 6th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

10 – BET NOW! NUMBER ONE IN USA AND UK NEXT WEEK

9 – Win an Indiana Jones 4 DVD. Rubbish prize, yes, but free – Sprout

8 – The four-year-old girl from Heroes does a swearword about John McCain – Funnyordie

7 – Acorn people! – eHow

6 – SLACKERJACK EXTRA: a game to make you feel optically worthless – Woodgears

5 – 13 bizarre cookery show moments, each of them priceless – Screenjunkie

4 – The ghetto Mona Lisa will see you now – Pic

Shia LaBeouf Keeps His Finger, Loses His Shot as New Indy. Rest of the World: Happy at Outcome.

March 24th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

For once it would appear that there’s some good news about Shia LaBeouf – both with regards to his mangled hand and his movie career.

In news sure to bring a smile to The Beef’s little face, it turns out that his recent car accident will not result in the amputation of his little finger, as has been reported all over the world of the superstars these last couple of days. While the rumours were rampant that Shia himself had told producers on Transformers 2 that he would have to have his Beef pinky removed, these have been greeted by his rep as being ‘fabricated’ and ‘totally untrue’.

Which is good for him.

What’s good for everyone else in the world, though, is the news that George Lucas has seemingly gone back on his original statement that Shiny McBeef would be the new Indiana Jones. For the first time in what would appear to be an absolute age, Lucas seems to have made ‘the right decision’.

Obviously he followed it up with another bad decision immediately thereafter, but you have to really learn to love those small victories.

Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

August 4th, 2012 By Chris Laverty

The hot and cold weather for this week.

Folded:

Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (loved the start…)

The Inbetweeners (E4 hits the spot with a hilariously crass new sitcom. Think lots of mum jokes and you’re there)

Suntory Japanese Whiskey (not half bad, and now available in Tesco)

Dpad magazine (slickly made online games mag. Don’t pay a fiver in the shops, just read this)

Hale and Pace’s ‘Yorkshire Airlines‘ sketch (don’t forget microwaving the cat too. These guys were never crap)

Creased:

George Lucas: I May Well Make Indiana Jones 5 & I May Well Ruin It Further

March 25th, 2009 By Paul Sorrenti

George Lucas has come up yet with another plan to convince you to hand over your hard earned money to him.

After he made millions with Indiana Jones 1, he sat down for a while, thought about what to do next and came up with Indiana Jones 2. It worked. But what next? He sat down for a while, thought about what to do next and came up with Indiana Jones 3. Incredible.

How was he to beat that? It wasn’t easy. For twenty years he brooded, furrowing his brow and scratching his little beard, and finally his eureka moment came: Indiana Jones 4.

But, people asked, what about the fact that Indiana Jones will be far too old? Don’t worry, said George, if we make jokey references to it throughout the film no one will care. Wow, he’s good. What next? George says ‘how about Indiana Jones…5, with Shia Labeouf as the lead?’

Time to retire George.

Harrison Ford: Duping Archaeology Geeks Everywhere and Loving It

March 25th, 2009 By hecklerspray staff

Archaeologists have made a stunning discovery.

After weeks of carefully sifting through piles of rubbish, they came across a fossil that they saw as another useless dinosaur, but wait! It’s not just a useless dinosaur; it’s a useless dinosaur with an earring! It must be Harrison Ford. The discovery was confirmed by the presence of a frail skeleton next to the fossil that was classified as ‘the old dinosaur’s girlfriend, Calista Flockhart‘.

All of this excitement has prompted the American Archaeological Society to put Harrison Ford on the board of directors. So, we may be a bit fuzzy on the details, but the board of directors thing is for reals.