Even though she’s got a body like the underside of a giant tortoise’s varnished stomach, Jodie Marsh is very happy with her new bodybuilder look. Very happy. Very, very happy.

In fact, Jodie ‘Oh Jesus Christ, It’s Like The Cuprinol Man Came To Life!’ Marsh is saying… with a completely straight face… that she’s feeling more attractive than ever.

Yes really.

Seeing as Jodie used to be a glamour model (now a woman clearly broken by the battle with Jordan/Katie Price/The Woman Who Made Peter Andre Cry), we should take note of her views on beauty. If anyone knows about all that, then it’s Jodie ‘Looks Like A Condom Full Of Conkers’ Marsh.

So now, we’ll all be wanting to look just like her, right?

Well, to achieve this look, we must follow her diet of egg whites and protein shakes while hitting the gymnasium, constantly.

Soon, we will all look like broken sideboards!

Says Jodie, with her massively muscular lower mandible:

‘I’m the prettiest I’ve ever looked’

‘If you’re not in the bodybuilding world it is scary, but to me it’s normal.

‘I think I still look really feminine.’

Jodie Marsh there, with her penis waggling around. And she’s going to keep this up. This isn’t some flight of fancy. Nosireebob!

‘I feel proud when I look in the mirror’

‘I still can’t believe it’s my body. Like, when I look at my abs, I’m just like, f*cking hell, I love it so much!’

Hands up if you can’t believe it either.

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That Amanda Knox lass and her apparently non murdering ways have grabbed all the headlines this week. Which is a shame as this whole murder in Perugia fiasco has completely overshadowed the return of Jodie Marsh.

Some new photos of Jodie, the suspected inspiration for BBC 3 smash Snog, Marry, Avoid, have surfaced that show the former glam… OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!

Seriously. Click over the jump for the fright of your life.

That’s right.

Jodie Marsh has gone from a back alley slag with too much fake tan and her knickers around her ankles to…

…well…

…the incredible hulk with too much fake tan and her knickers around her ankles.

Jodie’s apparently been lifting weights for a while in a bid to shed the pounds, but has taken it to the extreme so that she could compete in the Natural Physique Association British Championships.

Although we can’t help but notice that there are two very obvious parts of her physique that aren’t natural.

As ridiculous as she may look now, we can’t help but admire Jodie for her determination to lose weight and get fit for absolutely no prof…

Oh, she’s got a new show out called Jodie Marsh: Bodybuilder? Of course she has, at least it’s better than that time she tried got get married on MTV.

As you were.

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It’s been announced that Edward Norton will not be reprising his role as Bruce Banner / The Hulk in the forthcoming ensemble superhero movie The Avengers.

But it’s only because Marvel Studios can’t afford him, and not because he’s a gigantic pain in the slats or anything.

In a statement, the studio explained that the decision “is definitely not one based on monetary factors, but instead rooted in the need for an actor who embodies the creativity and collaborative spirit of our other talented cast members”. Oh. They probably can afford him. It’s because he’s a gigantic pain in the slats.
The studio went on to say “The Avengers demands players who thrive working as part of an ensemble, as evidenced by Robert, Chris H, Chris E, Sam, Scarlett, and all of our talented casts. We are looking to announce a name actor who fulfills these requirements”. Ouch.

These accusations of the star’s ‘difficult’ nature will come as a huge surprise to fans of American History X – reportedly re-edited by Norton against the wishes of director Tony Kaye, Red Dragon – Norton would turn up on set with new script pages written by himself and kick-off with the director, and The Incredible Hulk itself – Norton demanded a screenwriting credit and attempted to take control of the whole project.

Way to go team-player.

Ed’s agent hit back at Marvel Studios:

“This offensive statement from Kevin Feige at Marvel is a purposefully misleading, inappropriate attempt to paint our client in a negative light.”

Ed, perhaps more wisely, wrote on his Facebook page:

Hulk is bigger than all of us, that’s why we love him, right?

More of that attitude a bit earlier and he might still have a job.

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10 - Candy made of wee. Wonderful – Randomgoodstuff

9 – Remember David After Dentist? This is similar, but with an adult. So it’s much, much creepier – Break

8 – Can you swallow an iPod shuffle? Don’t, but this fool tried – I Am Bored

7 – The alphabet, in geography – Geekologie

6 - Five horrible, horrible deaths – Atom

5 - Here’s a ridiculously detailed Incredible Hulk sculpture – Slideshow

4 - One of the greatest websites you will ever see – lookatthisfuckinghipster

3 – Want to make cowboy cookies? OK! – Instructables

2 - Barbie is a naughty girl, isn’t she? – Manofest

1 – And here’s something for this evening’s nightmares…

In the year of Iron Man and The Dark Knight, The Incredible Hulk got somewhat overlooked – which is fortunate because it was a bag of bums.

Quite how much Edward Norton had to do with The Incredible Hulk being a bag of bums is unknown – hacked off at Marvel’s refusal to listen to him, he gathered up his blanket and flounced off in a strop right before the movie came out.

And that could be why Edward Norton doesn’t know if he’s got a future with The Incredible Hulk or not – if he’ll be in a sequel or if there’ll even be a sequel at all. Hopefully there’s a logical reason for this – like because the Marvel heads are too busy trying to track down and destroy every copy of The Incredible Hulk while personally visiting everyone who paid to see it to give them a refund and offer them a consolatory kick in the nuts.

2008 was a big summer for superhero movies, whether in The Dark Knight‘s labyrinthine pitch-black plot or the freewheeling pizazz of Iron Man. But there was a third superhero movie this summer – the deformed son that the other superhero movies kept locked in the attic. The Incredible Hulk.

Conceived as a high-octane rollercoaster joyride compared to Ang Lee‘s ponderous 2003 Hulk movie, The Incredible Hulk ended up taking less money than its predecessor while simultaneously giving off the vague impression that it was a direct-to-DVD spin-off directed by a toddler smashed off his face on E-numbers that had somehow wound up with a theatrical release, only not as good as we’ve just made it sound.

However, The Incredible Hulk has still managed to take close to $245 million worldwide, so a sequel looks fairly inevitable. But whether or not it’ll star Edward Norton is another matter entirely.

That’s because, back before The Incredible Hulk was released, Edward Norton threw a gigantic tantrum about the final edit and refused to take part in any promotion of the movie. Reports at the time suggested that Marvel wanted to make the movie shorter and punchier, while Norton was keen to include a 45-minute midsection where the Hulk embarked upon a contemplative rites of passage journey through post-imperial Calcutta or something.

But because of this, Edward Norton hasn’t got a bloody clue about what’s going on with any Incredible Hulk sequels, or even if he’ll star in them if they do get made, as he told MTV:

“The minds of Marvel are sometimes opaque. I won’t say [they're] obtuse, but I don’t have any idea what they want to do.”

Face it Norton. You blew your big chance. You could have kept your mouth shut and got another two guaranteed sequels out of The Incredible Hulk but, no, you had to go and get all precious about it. Now you’re going to be known as the man who was in that film about the magician with the gay voice and nothing more.

Now, Marvel, forget about Edward Norton. What you want to do is make a sequel to The Incredible Hulk, but this time hire an actor so preposterously dumb that he’ll go along with whatever cack-brained scheme you happen to spunk up, no matter how hacky and pointless it is. You want someone who’s not only mindblowingly stupid, but cheap as well. That way you can afford more explosions.

We’ve checked with Hayden Christensen‘s agent. He’s free next week. Thank us later.

The trailer for the new Incredible Hulk movie has been released, and what it lacks in destructive abstract wads of emotion it makes up for with SMAAASH!

However, let's not get too excited about The Incredible Hulk because reports are coming in that Incredible Hulk star Edward Norton and Incredible Hulk studio Marvel are clashing over the final edit, and things are getting so frosty that the movie's success might be jeopardised by the feud.

We don't know the details, but given that it's an Incredible Hulk movie, we hope the winner is the side who wants to do away with dialogue, narrative, female characters and feelings and just have two hours of the Hulk headbutting petrol tankers into fleets of exploding helicopters. And we think we pretty much speak for everyone here.

It's hard to think of a film more disappointing than Ang Lee's Hulk. Honestly, if we wanted to waste two hours watching a brainless thug look a bit sorry for himself we'd just watch one episode of Jeremy Kyle twice and be done with it. At least that way we don't have to put up with sitting through any sodding mutant poodle fights. 

So when it was announced that a new Incredible Hulk movie was being made it was hard not to get excited, especially since the director was Louis Leterrier who did Jet Li Unleashed. Finally, we thought, we'd be getting the Incredible Hulk movie we deserved – one where a massive green monster does nothing but punch down burning skyscrapers and javelin them through the eyes of giant mutant monsters.

Now The Incredible Hulk trailer is out, and it looks like our wish has come true. Take a look…

Well, OK, our wish has come half true. The first part of that trailer? With all the speaking? And the normal-sized humans? Bleurgh. Hopefully that's not indicative of the actual film.

And the truth is we don't know if it is. And nor does anyone else, because Incredible Hulk actor Edward Norton and Marvel can't agree on how The Incredible Hulk should be edited, and if the disagreement carries on much longer, it could mean that two Hulk films in a row will get flushed down the crapper. According to Deadline Hollywood Daily:

Norton and Marvel are clashing over how to cut the pic. Insiders say Norton was "promised tremendous involvement and access" after Marvel invited him into the core team to rewrite Zak Penn's script. Says one insider, "There's a lot of posturing going on between Edward's camp and Marvel over how you edit the final version." Sources also tell me that, starting last night and continuing at least throughout today, the actor will be holed up with Marvel Studios chairman David Maisel, Marvel Studios president of production Kevin Feige, and director Louis Leterrier to try to "reach an amicable resolution" to this $150+ million film feud.

Although we don't know anything about this fight apart from the fact that it allegedly exists, we're just going to go ahead and blame it on Edward Norton. He seems like an intelligent chap, and that's exactly the problem. This is an Incredible Hulk movie! Nobody's looking for intelligence! They're looking for scenes of the Hulk eating an elephant alive and then farting out the shattered bones into a crowd of people like a dirty machine gun!

Chances are if Edward Norton got his way The Incredible Hulk would be about a repressed man's search for internal peace that's echoed through his external rites of passage journey through colonial Papua New Guinea. Or, at the very least, a film that – urgh – makes sense and isn't just a collection of lowest denominator explosions.

We feel sick. Shame on you, Edward Norton. Shame!

Read more: 

Ed Norton And Marvel In 'Hulk'-ing Feud – Deadline Hollywood Daily